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BIL Wedding

I am new to this board, and I wanted to know if you have advice I can give to my husband.   My BIL is getting married in February of this year...They just told everyone about a month ago because they found out they were having a baby. My future SIL told me that my BIL was going to ask my husband to be apart of the wedding, but she didn't want me to tell him because she wanted the groom to do it. So that was fine with me, so I haven't said anything to my husband. The other day she was talking to me and told me all of her girls dresses came in even his sisters(who is in the wedding too) and then she went on to say that all the guys suits are in too. She said this in front of my husband and no he seems upset about it, because he thought his brother would ask him to be in the wedding.(My BIL was his best man) They are really close. And she told us that everyone who is in the wedding have to be very skinny and not fat or have facial hair so that is why my husband thinks he isn't in the wedding. And I don't think my husband is fat he is just not a small size. Should my husband bring it up to his brother and talk to him about or just leave it alone and not say anything. But most of all what should I say to my husband. He just doesn't understand why his sister is in the wedding and he is not.
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Re: BIL Wedding

  • First off, it's the groom's job to ask his groomsmen. Maybe he just hasn't asked yet. Or maybe he's just assuming that your husband knows he's in the wedding and never formally asked, and just ordered a suit for him. Or maybe the suits were for the groom and the dads or something. Unless your BIL or his fiancee says to your husband that he's not in the wedding party, I don't think you can 100% assume that your husband will not be in it.

    However, if it's NOT in it ... yeah, that sucks. I'd be hurt as well. But he's not owed a spot in his brother's wedding party. I don't think there's really a good way for your husband to ask why he's not in it. If he's not, then he's not. He needs to suck it up and move on.

    And if this girl is nuts enough to say, "Everyone who is in the wedding [has] to be very skinny and not fat or have facial hair," then I don't know why your husband is still eager to be a part of such a train wreck. She sounds like she's going to make the wedding party members' lives a living HELL throughout her engagement. And your BIL sounds like either a moron or a wimp if he's letting her treat people like that. I would personally just sit back, thank my lucky stars I'm not part of all that, and watch the show from the sidelines.

    The fiancee sounds like a lunatic if she's micromanaging her bridal party this way, but it's also your BIL's fault for not telling her to knock off the crap (or for proposing to her in the first place). If I were your husband, I would personally stop worrying about petty stuff like a bridal party and just stick by my brother's side, because he's probably going to need someone to turn to when he wakes up in a couple years and realizes what a nutbar he married.

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  • I understand how your DH would feel insulted or hurt by beings excluded from the wedding party. However it would be completely inappropriate for him to bring it up to his brother.  The groom gets to decide who is in the wedding party and that is pretty much all there is to it.  Sometimes people make wedding party choices that they later regret and this will probably be one of them.

    If I were in your shoes I would just tell my DH that I'm happy that he will be attending the wedding as a guest so that you and he can celebrate and party together without him getting torn away for long pictures sessions and whatnot.  I wouldn't go overboard and feed the drama. 

  • Hmm, I'm really torn on this one!

    On the one hand, I think your DH should ask his brother.   If they're close, BIL was his best man, etc., I'd be inclined to ask.    If for no other reason than to confirm he doesn't have to worry about getting a tux.   (Although I do think it's possible his brother ordered his tux for him, I really doubt that's the case).   Plus, I would be super curious to know whether the brother picked the wedding party or if his shrew of a FI did. 

    On the other hand, it seems pretty clear to me that he's not in the wedding.   If the wedding is in February, that's only a month away!  Surely he'd know by now if he was in it.     So maybe I'd just focus on the fact that he won't have to wear a monkey suit, walk down the aisle with a fembot and will get to just have fun as a guest. 

    I'm seriously laughing that only skinny girls can be in the wedding.   She's going to be bloated with baby.   Ha!   She should actually have them all gain weight so she doesn't look bloated.    Oh, and it's OK to secretly hope she gets a case of the pregnancy acne too!  :)

  • First of all your Future SIL is a Bridezilla.... Only skinny people in wedding.... really what a superficial B#tch.....

    2nd.... If your H is totally obsessing on it.... I would suggest that he casually bring up the wedding in conversation and see if BIL offers up any info.  That is just my advice. 

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  • image mbcdefg:


    And if this girl is nuts enough to say, "Everyone who is in the wedding [has] to be very skinny and not fat or have facial hair," then I don't know why your husband is still eager to be a part of such a train wreck. She sounds like she's going to make the wedding party members' lives a living HELL throughout her engagement. And your BIL sounds like either a moron or a wimp if he's letting her treat people like that. I would personally just sit back, thank my lucky stars I'm not part of all that, and watch the show from the sidelines.

     Amen to this!  

  • I don't think your husband should ask. I can't imagine what good will come of him asking. I keep picturing it as being an awkward conversation where the BIL justifies not asking your husband to be the best man. Is that really going to make anything better? Maybe I'm too results oriented but I don't see anything useful coming out of this conversation. Your husband expresses his hurt feelings, BIL feels badly, or worse yet, rearranges the plans to accommodate him? Ugh.

    It's a shame your husband can't be relieved he doesn't have the burden of the duties anyway. How does your husband feel about talking to his brother about it?  One thing to keep in mind, just because your BIL was a best man, he wasn't obligated to invite your husband to be one.

    Do you know who the best man is? Were there family compromises on her side to accommodate? Is there a possibility the BIL wanted a different kind or style of bachelor party he thought your husband wouldn't feel compelled to participate in?

  • It's just a wedding. It's not anything important. Don't pretend it is. 
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  • I'd just straight up ask, don't make it into a bigger deal than it is.
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  • Thanks for all you reply's, it means a lot to me. I talked to my husband last night and I advised him not to bring it up to his brother, and he said he was thinking about it and he wants to take the higher road. He also said that he is glad he doesn't have to buy a suit.

     

    Again Thanks for everything I keep you posted on how the wedding turns out lol 

     

     

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  • When you talked to your DH did you tell him that his FSIL mentioned his brother asking him?  Or no?  I think I'd just let it go if I were him, be thankful he doesn't have to spend the money and deal with this fake, shallow bittch any more than he needs to. 

    I wouldn't want to be in her wedding anyhow, with that superficial attitude. Maybe she'll gain over 200 lbs from her pregnancy and never lose it. Then she can see how the other half lives and stop throwing stones. :)  I hate people like that.

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  • I am always thrilled to be just a guest at a wedding and not participating in it.

    The biggest reason is that it is less expensive!!!  Plus you can just enjoy!!!

  • So I say, since she already said this to you, to ask her "hey, I haven't mentioned anything to my H about him being in the wedding because you wanted the groom to ask himself, but he hasn't and now I'm confused" If she says he's not in the wedding, "this is going to be hard, he's been kind of bummed about I kept encouraging him not to worry, because of what you told me."

    OMG let her say something about his weight or appearance, I wish you could three way all of us nesties, and if she said anything like that she would be done, we would be all over that!!!!!!

  • image vjcjenn1:

    So I say, since she already said this to you, to ask her "hey, I haven't mentioned anything to my H about him being in the wedding because you wanted the groom to ask himself, but he hasn't and now I'm confused" If she says he's not in the wedding, "this is going to be hard, he's been kind of bummed about I kept encouraging him not to worry, because of what you told me."

    OMG let her say something about his weight or appearance, I wish you could three way all of us nesties, and if she said anything like that she would be done, we would be all over that!!!!!!

    I like every bit of that idea, and love the last paragraph! LOL!
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  • I didn't tell my husband about what she said about him being in the wedding, But he was talking to one of their childhood friend and asked him if his brother asked him to me in the wedding and he said no too. So I really feel that she picked out all of his grooms man and he had no say in it.   My BIL did this to my husband when he had his 1st child, with a different girl and they told him that he was going to be the godfather and then a few weeks before my niece was baptized "they" changed their minds! So if this is how my BIL is going to acted and never stand up for himself I am sure he is going to hate himself in the long run. I really don't know what to believe when she talks to me because she also told me I had to sit by myself because I wasn't family and I couldn't sit at the head table with my husband and I was not going to sit at the table with my MIL or FIL. So I don't know......She is just to much for me! I really thank you all for listening to me! I am glad I can get this all out in the open and stop holding it in......... She does so much to get under my skin, and I work with her!!!!!!!!!!!! So I have to listen to it all day. She just always to out due my husband and me!
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  • It's a sucky situation but if I was your H I'd leave it alone, consider them crazy for their fat-clean shaven comment and thank my lucky stars that he's not in a wedding where the bride is clearly a bridezilla and the groom is clearly out to lunch as well since it was his responsibility to ask the groomsmen.

    I'd just be happy with the fact that you guys still get to share in the day, be supportive and pretty much pretend that the non-asking didn't even happen, sometimes the grooms or brides decisions are for different reasons, sometimes they regret those decisions, weddings are weird, just go with it.

  • image dgacek87:

    I really don't know what to believe when she talks to me because she also told me I had to sit by myself because I wasn't family and I couldn't sit at the head table with my husband and I was not going to sit at the table with my MIL or FIL.

    Wait -- what?!!?!? 

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  • One day I asked her if she was have a table for the whole wedding party or if the were just doing a couples table.

     And she said she was having a big table and I couldn't sit there(which I knew because I wasn't in the wedding party thank god) but I also couldn't sit at my MIL table, and had to sit with people I don't even know.

     Who knows at this rate I don't even want to go anymore!

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  • Is she a Knotie i so want to look her up.

    I am so with the other posters here. I hope she gains during her preg. And has a hard time getting it off.

    LOL please keep us posted on this one !!

    Anniversary
  • No she isn't...I tols her this was a great website, for advice, etc..... but she just turn her nose up at it.....

     

     I wishing the same thing..........shhh don't tell anyone!

     

    I should tell you ladies what the theme of her wedding is hearts and flowers hahahahaha! and she wants karaoke. And it on valentine's day! It's going to be like a high dance!!!!!!!

     But I will keep you posted!

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  • LOL seems to me that your H should probably thank his lucky stars that BIL hasn't asked him to be in the weddding. seems like it's going to be quite a piece of work.
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  • image dgacek87:

    No she isn't...I tols her this was a great website, for advice, etc..... but she just turn her nose up at it.....

     

     I wishing the same thing..........shhh don't tell anyone!

     

    I should tell you ladies what the theme of her wedding is hearts and flowers hahahahaha! and she wants karaoke. And it on valentine's day! It's going to be like a high dance!!!!!!!

     But I will keep you posted!

    You know what would complete this picture for me?   If "Truly, Madly, Deeply" is their first dance song. 

  • That is our 1st dance song, but we love it because that is what we use to sing to each other............Surprise

     

    Their 1st dance is going to be "I DO"

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  • image dgacek87:
      And she told us that everyone who is in the wedding have to be very skinny and not fat or have facial hair so that is why my husband thinks he isn't in the wedding. And I don't think my husband is fat he is just not a small size.

     

    WTF?  I don't think I'd want to be in a wedding where I thought I might have been judged based on my appearance v. by loyalty and relationship w/ the bridge/groom.

    If the brothers are close enough, he should be able to out right ask his brother why he wasn't in the wedding - and the brother should be man enough to give huim the honest reason as to why he was excluded.

    However, at this point I wouldn't want to be in the wedding as a "last minute, guilt add-on".

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