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Menopausal Mother!

Hey Nesties! Hoping someone could give me a little advice!! My dad called me today concerned that my mother's menopause (she's 54) is causing her some serious emotional problems (nothing too serious just not being herself, and unhappy sometimes for no reason!) He had mentioned to her medications, but she was offended and unwilling to talk to her MD!! I feel like she just needs something to do to vent (ie-exercise, hobby) but am worried about bringing it up to her! I just don't want to offend her! I am one of five kids (me being the only one in town but my youngest sister who is 15!) and feel I need to do something!! But where to start! Anyone in the same boat, or have gone through this before?!?

Re: Menopausal Mother!

  • Why won't she talk to her doctor?

  • I think it may be a little bit of denile! Or that she doesn't want to have to use medications to help herself! But from what my dad has been telling me I'm thinking meds will be a good idea!  
  • If you live close to your mother, I would invite her out for something fun ... shopping, lunch, an exercise class, the movies, a weekly walk together with you and your sister, whatever.

    If you call her and she sounds sad, maybe say something like, "You don't seem like yourself, Mom, is something bothering you?" If she says she's been depressed or emotional, maybe you could suggest that she talk to her doctor. But if your dad has already suggested this and she refused, or if she insists that she's fine and nothing is wrong, then I don't think she's going to budge. 

    I don't think it's really your place to get heavily involved if she's not in a place where she's likely to hurt herself or someone else. I understand that you love her and don't want her to be sad ... but at the same time, she's an adult and she needs to take responsibility for herself. And again, if your dad's already encouraged her to seek help and she refuses, then YOU telling her the same thing probably won't make a difference.

    image
  • image cegrawey:
    I think it may be a little bit of denile! Or that she doesn't want to have to use medications to help herself! But from what my dad has been telling me I'm thinking meds will be a good idea!  

    De Nile is a river in Egypt.

    Denial is defined as refusing to believe a tangible person, place or thing exists.

    She really should see a doc. Hormone replacements make all the difference -- there's also black oshkosh tea for hot flashes.

    Menopause also shoots your memory to hell, causes discomfort during sex (dryness issue) and dry eyes can also result.

  • This is not your problem! To solve!! Even if your father!!! has assigned it!!!! To you!!!!!
    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • MYOB. 

    Menopause is a natural process, not something that typically requires pharmaceutical treatment. You wouldn't medicate your 11 year old DD going into puberty, or would you?

    I'm not saying there aren't some pesky medical issues that arise around perimenopause like hot flashes, poor sleep, etc. These can be treated symptomatically.

    But what I typically see among women this age- and I'm older and have many menopausal friends- is a dissatisfaction with a dickwad husband's behavior or that of teen kiddos and aging parents. I wonder, given your father's indiscretion in "sharing", if this might not be the case. If your husband is an idiot, no medication short of general anethesia is going to remedy that. Suggesting that she assume the risks of medication to improve his life is pretty demonstative of this sort of male self centeredness.

    It's pretty unusual for a woman to develop mental illness for a first time at menopause. Has she been depressed before? Does she have other stressors in her life? What he's calling menopause (i.e. you're getting old) could be a reasonable reaction to what else is going on in her life.

    FWIW, hormone replacement therapy carries considerable risks: Premarin is no longer passed out like breath mints.

    http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/hormonereplacementtherapy.html

     

     

     

  • lol, I totally agree with -Auntie- .  That being said please knesties be nice in your posts. She is asking for help and is just worried about her mom.

    I do agree that inviting her out for walks or shopping. Or even a phone call now and then wouldn't hurt anything.  She is dealing with a bit of an empty house and a moody teenager.

    I wish you and your mother well.

    Anniversary
  • image TarponMonoxide:

    De Nile is a river in Egypt.

    Denial is defined as refusing to believe a tangible person, place or thing exists.

    She really should see a doc. Hormone replacements make all the difference -- there's also black oshkosh tea for hot flashes.

    Oshkosh are overalls for children. Black cohash is a natural supplement that some women use for menopausal symptoms. Care should be taken in choosing this supplement as contaminated lots have been reported, especially those coming out of China.

    Menopause also shoots your memory to hell, causes discomfort during sex (dryness issue) and dry eyes can also result.

  • Thanks! I was just a little too worried I guess! And your totally right, it could just be that four out of five of her kids have gotten married and moved out in 2 years and she is raising a teen at home!! It was really kind of you to take the time to write something encouraging and kind!
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