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My grandmother is mean to my husband...help!

I don't know what to do.  My grandmother is really mean to my husband.  He has done nothing wrong.  She doesn't like him because he is self employed and doesn't have a traditional job.  He is a total team player with me and makes me really happy.  I have tried talking with her on the phone about the problem and it hasn't helped.  She talks about him across the room and we can totally hear what she says about him.  It makes for very rough family gatherings.  My father will not talk to her because he is afraid that she will have a stroke from getting upset and he wouldn't be able to live with himself knowing that.  I am trying to avoid her and it is hard for me to be friendly because she is hurting my feelings as well.  What should I do?  

Re: My grandmother is mean to my husband...help!

  • Get up and leave.  Seriosuly, get up and leave.  She won't have a stroke because of that.  It seems talking ot her isn't working so now you need action. 

    Remember stadning up for yourself and your DH isn't rude or mean.  You don't have to yell, curse, scream.  You just get up and leave. 

  • You are not being fair to your husband by allowing this to continue. If you have spoken to your grandmother and it hasn't helped, next time I think you simply have to leave. Don't make a huge scene, but don't sit around allowing your husband to be bad-mouthed, either. If my husband casually sat around at a family gathering while a family member bad-mouthed me, and expected me to continue going to family events with this person in the future, I'd be pissed.

    Have you called her on her actions while she is doing it? That might help.

    Does your grandmother have all her wits about her? My answer would change if she is experiencing dementia.

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  • I agree that if she won't listen to reason, just don't go around her anymore. Stop attending family gatherings if she's going to be there, or, go to the gatherings and leave as soon as she says something hurtful to him. There's no need for you to tolerate this.
    [IMG]http://i42.tinypic.com/x200p0.jpg[/IMG]
  • Tell your family that you won't be at any gtgs where grandma is also going to be.  Your first loyalty is to your husband, and if they are afraid to speak out against her (b/c she might stroke out) then you'll just have to see them when she is not around.

    Your H deserves better than the treatment that is apparently ok with your family.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • Does it bother your Husband?

    Old people say crazy things sometimes. If it doesnt bother him I would just smile and agree with her (heck, tell her that your H agrees with her as well) and let it go.

  • She'll have a stroke, srsly?

    Fooey. Not gonna happen.

    Time for you to nip this in the bud. Tell your gma "I'm tired of you bashing my husband and if you do it again, we will never speak to you again. What hurts him hurts me" and then stand behind it.

    Please make sure you start standing up for him or this will cause a rift in  your marriage. GL.

     

     

  • I agree to get up and leave next time she is rude. You can tell her point blank you will not stand for it.
  • Your grandma is not going to have a stroke because someone tells her she needs to exercise common courtesy.  It sounds like your dad is a mama's boy who doesn't have the spine to stand up to her.  That doesn't mean you have to put up with her nastiness.  As everyone else has said, you need to either limit your contact with her to begin with, or leave when she starts being rude.  You have to tell her that you're not going to stick around and listen to her insult your husband.
  • Ok your dad isn't gonna stand up to his mom. So you do it! She's just an old lady. You can do it, I promise! She is in the wrong. You  need to give it your best effort to make her change her ways.

    I would set a time to meet with her for coffee and explain how much your DH means to you, that while his job isn't traditional it pays the bills, and how he makes you very happy. Then explain that she doesn't have to like him. You can't force her to like him. However, it hurts you and it hurts him when she voices her feelings out loud in the room where everyone can feel them. Ask her for respect and manners when interacting with and around him. If she can't agree to that, explain that you have tough decisions to make when it comes to attending future GTGs. Being with family should be cause for happiness - not heartache.

    If things don't change (and they likely may not), then you need to decide how to react. You could call her on it then and there: "Grandma, that's hurtful and unnecessary." Just say that. Let her take it from there and be the one who has to react. Or you can start avoiding the GTGs if she refuses to keep her opinions to herself. You need to either create an environment where everyone in the room is aware of the inappropriateness of her comments (by commenting on how hurtful they are) and therefore she is pressured to change through social cues -- or you have to avoid the situation altogether.

    GL.

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