Sex & Romance
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i dont think dh is attracted anymore. :(

DH and i have been married for 8 yrs. We have been thru ALOT in our marriage. We lost a child 5 years ago and i have never gotten over it. I still find him extremely attractive, and want to make love often. Most of the time he just says no. I have went to sites where you can ask what men want and tried following the advice. I have asked him why he doesnt want to have sex and he says he got used to "once a month sex" when i was severely depressed over the loss of our child. Since then all we seem to do is fight. I lost my job because of the depression, and we lost our home, so we are living with family members in a camper hooked up to their home. Can anyone give me advice about stopping the arguing and spicing up the sex life. Thanx

Re: i dont think dh is attracted anymore. :(

  • You guys lost your child tragically, your home, your job and you live in a camper at a family member's house. I would be so scared that my future was fvcked up for life that sex would be the LAST thing on my mind too. Don't get me wrong, sex is great....but you guys have it really rough right now and as a man, he probably is very worried how in the hell he is going to get your lives back on track. That kind of constant stress can really effect his sex drive.

    I think maybe you need to go back to work, you guys work out a solid financial plan to get back on your feet and back into a home and when you start seeing progress in your lives, he will be more interested in sex. It's probably not YOU and your sexuality, sexiness, etc, it's the BAD home/future situation.

    Good luck!

    My Blog - Life, Love and Laughter No government can dictate who we love. Life is short...so do what feels right!
  • i wouldnt want to have sex in a camper, either. that would be the last place i would feel sexy. it sounds like the situation really needs to be resolved/improved. the lack of sex is not the main issue here...and i hope you realize that. also, i am very, very sorry for your loss.
    Thanks to our wonderful RE our family is complete!
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  • Have you done any type of grief counseling to help you through your loss?  It may help you get your life back on track.  Or joint counseling for the two of you.

    I agree with the pp's; this isn't about sex.  Sex is just the symptom.

    image
  • Losing a child is one of the biggest tragedies a parent can face.  This is something you will never "get over".  There will always be grief, but you have to find peace.  Suffering from depression can definitely lower the sex drive dramatically.  It sounds like your family is going through a lot right now.  Although I don't know your DH, it sounds like this isn't about you... probably more about the situation.  I would recommend finding a family counselor so the two of you can communicate and find a release for all the pain and stress that is built up.  Not only should you see someone together but I think getting help on a one-on-one basis would help too.
    BFP #1 (DS, 10/98), BFP #2 (DD, 10/09)
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  • The other posters are absolutely right that you MUST get some help and counselling as soon as possible.   It sounds like you both need some help to stand straight again,...and no, it's not about sex.

     

    I'm well aware that there may not be sufficient money to get help so PLEASE remember that the Salvation Army will not be too far away and they WILL try to help you sort yourselves out with great sense and professionalism.

     

    As a sort of 'emotional first aid', why not set aside a time every week when yo both agree to put aside any argument and bad feelings for just a couple of hours when you can both sit down and just reconnect,...just hold hands and listen to music together or talk about how something you both find pleasant.

     

    It's nearly Christmas,...your post bothered me this morning and all day it's been on the back of my mind.   I don't really believe the 'praying bit' but if thoughts could heal you will be well soon......

  • I am sorry for your troubles.

    I heartily second grief counseling -- try a local social worker; each town usually employs one; you might also find a very local grief counseling group on the web. Churches and nonsecular groups and sometimes hospitals have grief counseling sessions. They're usually done in a group approach.

    KimNSandy has excellent advice; so do the rest of the ladies on this thread. Good luck; let us know how you are doing. 

     

     

  • Put a little hot sauce on his pecker and that will spice things up! Maybe learning to take it in the azz will help too!
  • In my opinion, the only way to solve this issue is to grow closer. Unfortunately, there's no easy way out of this--you MUST face it head on and just talk if nothing else. I mean TALK. In the south, we call it a "come to Jesus" talk. As for the sex issue, I agree with most of the other posters--it's probably not you. It's proven that men's sex drives slow just as women's kick into high gear. Stress is not an aphrodisiac either.

     If I were you, I would first talk to my husband. Then, get out of your comfort zones and play a little. You can do this even if times are tough.

    PS. I've had sex in a camper when my husband (then boyfriend) was working at a horse farm--it isn't that bad!!

  • you have to remember that most men feel the need to be the provider and protector. he may feel that he has failed and both of these things and is having a hard time accepting that. you should try to gain a closer relationship with your husband w/out sex. sex will come along as you grow closer.
  • image blueballs32:
    Put a little hot sauce on his pecker and that will spice things up! Maybe learning to take it in the azz will help too!

    You're not funny. Don't quit your day job.

  • No, I don't think it's MUD, It's not couched in dramatic tones and unless it's a pack of lies it's pretty devastating stuff for any couple to go thru. In fact, it has a ring of truth about it, and tells a story of sad struggle and desperation against tragedy.
  • I just wanted to say the picture of your baby is ADORABLE ZAngel!

  • I have to agree with the rest of the posts here.  Communication is key and maybe he is still feeling depressed as well.  Your current situation with you losing your job and you both losing your home has to be rough on both of you.  I think talking about it and trying to get back on your feet will help.  I am so sorry for your loss, I couldnt even imagine how that must feel.
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