Note: I had posted this in the "Trouble in Paradise" board and received reponses that I really appreciate. I am reposting it here as well because I think that this board might be more appropriate.
Greetings! I had to write a post because I have no one that I can talk to about this, and I just need to talk about it.
Last night, my husband told me that he doesn't find me attractive. He also said that he doesn't find anyone attractive (women, men, no-one). I'm not sure if he said that he doesn't find anyone attractive just to make me feel better, but of course it did not. I've always had a problem with self-esteem, and this comment did not help me at all. I don't think I'm unattractive. I am 5' 7'', 120 lbs. I have a 'sporty' body type, but I don't have any (or much) body fat. I exercise regularly and I try to dress nice. In fact, I always want to look nice for DH, so this comment really stung. I have no idea what I should do now. We barely ever have sex. He never touches me. We've been married 16 months now and sex only happens maybe just once a month, if not less, and it's been that way since the beginning. (Although before we were married, when it was sporadic like this, I just thought he was feeling guilty since our religion teaches no sex before marriage). I try to initiate it at times, and I just get turned down. This really influences my self esteem. I don't know what I am doing wrong. I try to buy sexy nightgowns, I've tried all sorts of things. I just feel like there is no passion in our marriage, there is definitely no sex. I feel like I'm living with a roommate. We are best friends, we get along, we have many of the same hobbies. But I don't want a best friend right now. I want a lover and a husband, who is both my passion and my best friend. I don't want to even consider divorce, but I am so dying to be desired by someone. I want to be loved and desired. I suggested that he go see a doctor, perhaps to be treated for low testosterone levels? Any advice would be greatly appreciated, and if anything, thank you for listening.
When I mentioned him getting check out by a doctor, he seemed a little reluctant, but I think he is willing to try. I'm just hoping that it doesn't take him months to actually make an appointment. I'm just trying to take it one step at a time and exhaust each option one at a time before I start considering divorce.
I do admit that hindsight is 20/20, and if he wasn't sexually driving before marriage then why did I hope that he would change? I don't regret marrying him, I love him, I just wish so bad that things were different. I asked him last night if he ever found me attractive, and he said that he did, but he didn't respond when I asked them how and when that changed. Then this morning he told me that he didn't mean to say that he doesn't find me attractive, and he was wrong. But I don't believe him, how can you take something like that back or just change your mind?
I really want to start having kids, but you have to have sex to get pregnant. Plus, I don't want to bring kids into a relationship like this.