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Strange situation with my uncle (very long..sorry)

I am generally a lurker but I had a weird thing happen to me today and I am having a hard time dealing with it.  I just need to get it off my chest and hope you guys can give me some insight of what I can do for my mom. 

I have an uncle that I have not heard from or seen in 7 years.  The last time I saw him was when my mom flew him home for my grandma's funeral.  Before my grandma passed away he managed to steal almost $100,000 from her through insurance fraud and using her credit cards.  He completely took advantage of her and trashed her house, refinanced it (when it was almost paid off, and took off leaving my mother responsible for all of this debt along with the messes and taking care of the funeral arangements.  He was suffering from some mental illnesses and actually put my dad and grandpas lives in danger a few times. My grandpa died a few years before my grandma.

Grandma lived with us until the day she died and I actually went to college classes in high school to work a schedule with my parents so that there was always one of us home to care for grandma.  During all of this my uncle had dissappeared and we were just begining to figure out what he had done.  He has a lot of mental health problems that are made worse by years of drug use.

Through the years my mom has pretty much avoided him, which has been easy since no one seems to know where he is.  Occasionally my mom would get an email or phone call from his ex wife asking if we knew where he was because their son was growing up and asking about him.  He pretty much ran away from all of us.  A few months ago my mom was looking for him online and believed that she had found him and that he had gotten remarried.  I think that she was looking for him because he is all she has left of her family other than us.  I know it is hard for her to not have her parents or aunts or uncles anymore.

This morning my mom got a call from a hospital halfway across the country from us saying that someone had dropped off my uncle there and that he was on life support and not expected to make past a few days.  No one knows who dropped him off.  They said there was a note with my moms name and phone number on it and that was it. 

My mom is taking this very hard,  She is very upset with how things are between her and her brother and even more hurt that someone could just abandon a dying person at a hospital.  It is just all so weird.  My mom is of course planning on flying there to be with him and take care of whatever happens to people who do not have funerals.  She has contacted the ex-wife and her son (who is now 18.) They are also having a hard time with all of this.

I feel so bad for my mom and don't know what to do or say to her.  It has been such a hard past few years for my family and I don't even know how I feel about all this.  As much as I hate what he has done to my famliy and how much he hurt my parents and grandparents, no one deserves to die alone like that.  After all, in the end family is family.  My mom says that if by some chance he makes it through it she wants to have a relationship with him.

I guess it is all just so strange, this stuff only happens in movies! I just needed to vent.  Thanks for letting me get it all out.

Re: Strange situation with my uncle (very long..sorry)

  • Wow, this is a bizarre situation indeed.

     I wish all of you luck with this situation.

  • That's really bizarre. I know you're just venting, but I wanted to wish the best for you and your family.
  • That is odd.  I wish you and your family the best through this situation.

    Just keep in mind that while this person may be related to you by blood, he has not acted like 'family' in quite some time.  Family doesn't do what he did.  I understand that there was mental illness and drug addiction, and I understand how this could make a person do some of the things he has done, but there were many lines crossed through the years.  While mental illness and drug abuse can blur the lines between wrong and right, they cannot erase them. 

  • Just remember that you're entitled to feel whatever you do, be it anger, sadness, or pity.
    image Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
  • Especially in light of the fact that your mother was 'looking' for hiom .. I find it a great kindness that her contact info was left with him at the hospital.  It is a small measure of closure with a difficult relationship in what seems like a life with many regrets.  The same for his son.

    I also wouldn't assume cruelty by the perosn who brought him to the hospital.  Not knowing the details lets you jump to the worse assumptions.  But until the facts are sorted, your uncle may have wanted things this way and had a caring person nearby to nurse him at the end and help him seek medical help for a peaceful death ... feeling guilt at his actions, he may have wanted to stay away from family .. not using them in the last throws of an illness.  Clearly, he made his wishes known to contact them when the end was near.  Sadly, it was not in time to reconnect .. but it may not be to late to heal.     

    I wish you and your mother and your entire family my condolences.

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • This is very strange and unsettling.  I hope your mom -- and you -- can find some peace/closure about it.  Maybe this will facilitate a closer relationship with your cousin and his mom? 
  • Thanks ladies.  I just got off the phone with my mom and just feel so bad for her because she is so stressed with work right now and my grandparents house (which is still used as a rental because the estate was never settled because my uncle couldn't be found) and there is nothing I can do for her.  She works 2 states away and flies home on the weekends to be with us.   

    She was able to get some more info though.  I guess someone saying he was his roomate was who dropped him off....didn't leave a name though.  I guess he didnt even tell the staff what my uncle's name was, they found it in his wallet.  They also said that there was hundreds of dollars in his wallet.  So we are pretty sure drugs had something to do with it.  Mom was able to call the night nurse last night and talk to her for an hour about everything and it seems like that helped her a lot.

    I know that he hasn't acted like family but it is still hard to realize that he really has no one to care for him.  Both of my parents have medical backgrounds from working in ER's.  They both say that they have only seen homeless people left like that.  Which is still horrible, and makes us wonder if my uncle was homeless. 

    There are so many questions and we may never find out what happened, but it just so strange and shocking. 

    Thanks again for letting me get out my confusion.

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