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HELP with In-laws!!!

So my husband and I are buying the family farm from his parents (our daughter is the 5th generation on the farm, so its very setimental for him). The in-laws lived with us for about 4 1/2 months when we got married because the house they were building was not quite ready for them to move into.  Only they took their sweet time getting it ready.  Finally they moved out the end of June, but failed to take most of their things with them.  

As my husband and I were trying to get settled, we just moved a  bunch of their things into their old bedroom so it would be out of the way.  With it getting colder out, we want to move into that bedroom (on the main floor) so we don't have to heat the upstairs this winter and can save some money.  Its gotten to the point where, even though I dress my daugher warm at night, her hands and feet are cold when she gets up in the morning (she's 3 months). 

We told them this and that we want to move downstairs NOW before it gets any colder.  So they came over yesterday to move their stuff out.  Only they didn't get the job done!  They didn't even finish one room in a day!  They have a whole new house to put their stuff in, and they have yet to do it.  Meanwhile I've been living in this house for 8 months now, and I still have things of mine that I've been unable to unpack because I have nowhere to put them.

I've totallly reached my limit of patience and I don't know what to do.  I'm a very non-confronational person, so I can't tell them how I really feel, but I can't bring it up to my husband anymore because it makes him feel really bad that he can't fix it for me. How do I make them realize that they need to get their butts going and get out of our house!  On another note, my FIL comes over quite often unannouced.  He knocks when he comes, but he knocks as he is opening the door and walking in!  I'm at the end of my rope!!!

Re: HELP with In-laws!!!

  • As far as your FIL just walking in your house - why don't you lock your doors, first of all?  Locking them will solve the problem, and it's the safe thing to do anyway. 

    As far as their stuff being in your house - your DH needs to call his parents today, tell them that you mean it when you say their stuff needs to be out of your house, arrange with them for them to come back this weekend, and then the two of you should help them load everything into their truck (I am assuming they have a truck or are renting one to get all the stuff).

  • 1.  Change the locks.

    2.  Pack up all their stuff into boxes and put it in one room in the house.

    3.  Tell them you'll be bringing it by on X day.

    4. Get a truck for that day.

    5. Take it over.

    6. Unload it onto their new front porch.

    7. Wave cheerfully as you drive off.

    This is the only way you'll get this done. So suck it up and do it. People like this drive me NUTS and they are taking advantage of your good nature. Smile when you do this; be cheerful, friendly, charming; but DO it.

     

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • "Hey, we're moving into the downstairs bedroom next Sunday. We need you to get your stuff to the new house by Saturday."

    If they don't out in garage/barn it goes.

    image Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
  • This is what I would do,  Write them (email too) a notarized letter, letting them know that if they do not pick up the rest of their items by XX date, you will be driving their stuff over to their new home and leaving it on their porch or in their back yard.

    Then do it.  

    As for your FIL = that is easy enough.  Change the locks and keep the damn door locked at all times.  He won't be able to walk in if he cannot get in, 

    [IMG]http://i633.photobucket.com/albums/uu52/Iluminespics/IMG_4759.jpg[/IMG]
  • This is one of those times your husband needs to call his parents and tell them that enough is enough and to get their stuff out now.  HE needs to call them and HE needs to handle the situation.  If he can't/won't man up and do it, then you have to be confrontational.  Let them know that their grandchild is suffering and that you are only going to tolerate this for so long before you have their belongings disposed of.

  • You need to change the locks even if you get the boxes thing sorted out.  If the farm has been in the family for 5 generations, who knows when the last time was that the locks were changed, or all the random people who could have keys.  And do NOT give your FIL a copy - he's already shown that he still considers the house "his" and doesn't respect your right to privacy.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    DS1 born June 2008 | m/c at 9w March 2011 | DS2 born April 2012
  • Also you and your husband could start walking around naked.  It will only take a few times of your FIL walking in unannounced before he gets the point.

  • image superkaren:

    I'm a very non-confronational person, so I can't tell them how I really feel, but I can't bring it up to my husband anymore because it makes him feel really bad that he can't fix it for me. How do I make them realize that they need to get their butts going and get out of our house!  On another note, my FIL comes over quite often unannouced.  He knocks when he comes, but he knocks as he is opening the door and walking in!  I'm at the end of my rope!!!

    The one line stands out to me.  Your husband CAN fix it for you.  He just needs to be willing to speak with his parents.  "Mom and dad, we really need to be able to get settled in the house now that winter is coming.  Now that your new house is ready, can we agree to have your furniture moved out by X date?" 

    FIL walking in unannounced is also something your dh can fix by speaking with his parents.  "Dad, we love to have you and mom come and visit.  But it's tough on us when it's unannounced.  Would you please start calling first?"  Cite the kids' schedules, etc. so that it's not personal.  Have this conversation after their stuff is out.  (After their stuff is out, you should change the locks.)

  • Question - you said "are buying" - have you closed the deal or is this something where you're making payments?

    I'm only asking b/c the ILs may be still considering that this is somehow their space to use, especially if they're not moving their stuff out and are still feeling free to come over and enter unannounced and uninvited.  You, or more specifically, your DH needs to communicate to them that if they had sold the farm to an entirely different couple they should hardly expect that they can have the same privileges as they're exercising with you. 

    Change the locks - if it is in fact your house now, that's entirely your right.

    Waiting for some innocuous creativity... I'll let you know.
  • LadyDisdain makes a good point.  I also think it's important to know whether or not the deal has closed.
  • If they have moved out, left this stuff behind .. and still left it behind after a day of sorting ... then I bet it is the kind of stuff they don't need but feel badly about throwing away.  Stuff in good condition, sentamental, random.  The stuff that grows into all-out hoarding.

    So they don't have a "place" for it in their new home and they don't want to cram it into a room like you did.  So they are using your place (if it is your place yet - that is an excellent point) as a holding-space.  Not quite storage .. because storage implies it will be used at some point (like storing gardening tools in the winter).  This stuff is just taking up space.

    And its never going to get better.  They clearly don't use it, which implies they don't need it .... and they are not tossing it.  So you have two choices other than being ignored:

    1- Pack it up and cheerful "help" them by renting a truck, driving it to their house and unloading it into their back bedroom.

    OR

    2- Move it upstairs to a room on the 2nd floor you don't plan to use or heat for the winter.  While it makes no sense to move boxes UP stairs when you plan for them to be walked out of the house at any minute .. it does solve your immediate problem and since you do not plan to use the space for the winter it won't be in your way.  And come spring you will have so much more credibilty to say ..."Well, its been over a year, shall we throw this away ... or do you want it in your basement?  We've rented and loaded a truck." 

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • Your FIL comes over all the time - then send him home with a box each time.

    Also, just put their stuff upstairs.  They aren't there, it doesn't matter where you keep your stuff. It's more important you take care of that baby so she doesn't get sick!

     

  • Oh, I like Jen's idea! Every time FIL walks in, leap up, say brightly, 'You're here for your things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" When he says no, let your face collapse into a look of utter despair for a moment. Then, let it brighten right back up, and say "Well, you'll take a FEW things, wont you!??!!" and run back to the room where they are and start filling up his car with them, as many as will fit. If he says no, no, not today, say "Oh, you are just too good to us, I know you have really been needing this stuff and have just been too polite to rush us" and KEEP packing them into his car, smiling like a lunatic.

    You should be able to get rid of a few carloads a week, depending on how often he bursts in. How much stuff do they have at your house, anyway?

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • image Sue_sue:

    Oh, I like Jen's idea! Every time FIL walks in, leap up, say brightly, 'You're here for your things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" When he says no, let your face collapse into a look of utter despair for a moment. Then, let it brighten right back up, and say "Well, you'll take a FEW things, wont you!??!!" and run back to the room where they are and start filling up his car with them, as many as will fit. If he says no, no, not today, say "Oh, you are just too good to us, I know you have really been needing this stuff and have just been too polite to rush us" and KEEP packing them into his car, smiling like a lunatic.

    You should be able to get rid of a few carloads a week, depending on how often he bursts in. How much stuff do they have at your house, anyway?



    LOL, if nothing else this will solve your problem of him popping by all the time. 
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    DS1 born June 2008 | m/c at 9w March 2011 | DS2 born April 2012
  • image superkaren:
     

    We told them this and that we want to move downstairs NOW before it gets any colder.  So they came over yesterday to move their stuff out.  Only they didn't get the job done!  They didn't even finish one room in a day!  They have a whole new house to put their stuff in, and they have yet to do it.  Meanwhile I've been living in this house for 8 months now, and I still have things of mine that I've been unable to unpack because I have nowhere to put them.

     

    So you have already told/asked them to move their stuff out but yet they haven't done it.  If you really want it out of your house, then the only thing that you can do is to pack their stuff up in a truck and deliever it to them. 

    Good luck with getting the inlaws not to stop by - no matter what papers you sign, they are still going to see that place as 'theirs' to a certain extent because they lived their for so long and put their blood, sweat and tears into that farm. 

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Wow! I could have written this! We ended up loading their stuff into trucks and unloaded it into their basement. We did a truckload a day for several weekends-I don't see why you couldn't just do it all in one day. The ILs have yet to sort through it all-and its been several years.

     

    Good Luck

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