Ok, I was going back and forth about whether I was even going to ask you all about this, because I'm pretty embarassed about it, but I really want to know what you think so I hope someone can help me out.
Most of my family lives in Chicago (sister, grandmother, cousins, aunt, uncle, etc.) I live 2000 miles away. My parents live in Vermont. I am the oldest sibling/cousin, the first to get married and the first to have a child. I usually get to Chicago every 2-3 years and we go to Vermont maybe 1x a year. So we don't see my family often.
DH and I are flying to Chicago (and my parents are coming in, too). We're all renting a condo together and had planned to have just a little Thanksgiving get-together with my sister. Then the rest of the family (grandmother, great-aunt, cousins, second cousins, second cousins once-removed, etc.) found out and we are all having a big family celebration together, which I am thrilled about! My mom suggested that we (her and dad, me and DH), instead, host some other family get-together like a brunch or something (instead of hosting Thanksgiving, which my great-aunt will host).
So I, tacktastically I know, emailed her and Dad asked if maybe, possibly, it could be a family baby shower (no family member has asked to throw a shower for me, though my best friend out here has. Because of the distance, not one family member will come to the shower out here.) I told my mom right off the bat I don't want gifts--I just want the whole family to get together to celebrate this coming baby. We could do a memory shower--where everyone writes down wishes for the baby, we could decorate onesies or something, play baby-themed charades (a favorite family game), take pictures for baby's scrapbook and eat cake, etc.
Dad thought it was a good idea. Mom said under no circumstances is the grandmother-to-be ever supposed to host a baby shower. It is bad manners. I was really hurt. But I also feel like I tried, she said no, what can I do about it? Let it go. Bringing up the fact that nearly every baby shower I've been to (which, granted, is about 4) was hosted by the grandmother-to-be makes me sound like an entitled brat demanding a shower, and I already made the faux pas of asking for one. I should suck it up.
I told my best friend and she sort of "sided" with me, saying she's never heard of this no-grandmother rule and the fact that this is the only chance I have to get together with the extended family is too good to pass up (the only living grandparent either DH or I have will be there, for goodness sakes). She thinks I should ask my sister to host. I feel icky about that. It was one thing to ask my mom, besides we're renting a three-bedroom condo which would have been perfect, but I feel like asking my sister to cram the whole extended fam into her one-bedroom apartment, when she didn't even offer, is beyond the level of tackiness I feel comfortable being.
So, what do you think? Suck it up and get over it? Suck it up and ask my sister? For the record, no one (family or friend) threw me a bridal shower. It's not like I have a history of demanding or even getting showers.
Reading over, this, I realize I know my answer. I need to just get over it. So I guess this turned out sort of a vent. I am really sad my mom didn't want to be there for me at this special time.
And, here's your reward for reading all that, DH and I in our Halloween costumes (I am the road, with a "speed bump," and DH is a road crew worker):