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Building a crew...

Sooo... we were married about a month ago.  We were "partiers" when we met, going out all the time, drinking, etc. It was a while before we were officially together...then were dating for a year, engaged for a year and here we are married. I am a somewhat reserved person, always in upper management in my career that doesn't allow me to go out with pals from work.  I like to have fun, and appreciate intelligent conversation as well as a good drinking night.  I recognize the difference between people who are out for themselves and people who truly want to be friends, or at least are interested in something other than themselves.  I few closer friends before the wedding, and now they have all but dropped out of my life, despite my efforts to connect, make plans, etc.

 My husband has always had a large network of accquaintances, but his true friends are back home in Mexico City.  Lots of party friends, transplant from spanish speaking countries to DC, but plenty of people who would throw him under the bus to get what they want.  As we went through the wedding planning and everything, we learned more and more about who were friends to us, and who is a friend when it is convenient for them. 

As a result, we are now happily married, but we don't have the social network that we used to (his social network) and are struggling to find quality friends.  We know it takes time, but we don't know where to go to meet people.  We have maybe one or two "couple friends", but it is obvious how we have outgrown the old crew.  We are apartment dwellers, not having kids anytime soon, and just want to have a group to watch football with, go out once in a while or take trips with every now and then.

 What has your experience been?  Did you see any of these changes after you got married?  What advice can you give us?  As my husband is Mexican, he loves to meet other Mexican, or spanish speaking people.  Mostly we are looking for people who aren't worried as much about the next party or cheating on their significant others as they are about living quality lives and moving forward with life.

Re: Building a crew...

  • I think the biggest thing is getting into something where there is a reason people have to/want to be there and commit their time to it.  That way, it isn't just a potential new friendship that is bringing them (and you) there.  Life gets in the way, so new friends are often the first thing to be sacrificed when things get busy.  So, volunteer, take a class, join a club, play a sport. 

    This is a very transitory area, people come and go all the time.  It is hard to find a few friends, let alone a whole crew.  Throw in the fact that it take so daggone long to get anywhere, and it's an uphill battle.  (Nowadays, I try to make "in the beltway" friends b/c it is so hard to make plans with friends who live 1+ hour away in traffic.)

    This issue comes up all the time on here.  So many people seem to be suffering similar situations.  I think we're all just pulled in so many directions.

  • I agree with Julie.  This has been one of the hardest things for my DH (he is not from here but I am).

    He has meet friends through his car club.  Again, if you do something that you already are interested in, I think it is an easier transition.

    Meetup.com has different groups.  You can look through that and see if there are any activities that interest you.

    Are there folks in your building your age?  If so, maybe you can talk with neighbors about having a progressive party - one apt does drinks, the next appetizers, the next more apps, the next dessert....  That way you are meeting your neighbors.  Who knows, some of them may transition into friends.  My friend lived in a small apt building on the Hill.  She was friends with 7 of the 10 units.  I means friends.  They have traveled the world together, etc.  You never know.


  • I second meetup.com. We're no longer members of the group we originally joined, but we still hang out with a couple we met from it, and have gotten to be great friends. Also, we have wonderful friends from church- I think that's a great place to meet people and really get to know them, if you're religious of course.
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