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Custody

My sister finally went to court after her baby's daddy filed for full custody.  My niece is really almost 7 (not quite a baby).  My niece's father lives in RI.  My sister lives in FL.

Anyway, she just texted me saying she still has full custody but he gets her for 6 weeks over the summer.  She's mad about this & said my niece will be miserable up here for that long.  I don't think that's such a bad deal & that's the dad's problem to keep her entertained all summer, right?

Am I being insensitive here?

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Re: Custody

  • Uhm, insensitive? Well, it would be one thing if it was your neice calling you and crying that she has to go to her Dad's.

    I think if the Dad doesn't want her there, that's a bad deal. If he wants here there, and if he's a decent father, he will keep her entertained.

    My neice goes to her fathers for weeks at a time during the summer. I think he has 6wks total, but I think they do 4wks and 2 wks or something like that. But her father lives in the same town as my sister.

    I would think it would be fun for your neice, at first anyways. She gets to go somewhere over the summer. It will probably suck when she gets older.

    Two of my little (16 & 12) come down from Michigan for the summer to see their Dad. I think they used to like it, but their FB status all summer was, we miss home, miss you so & so, can't wait to get home..

    Your neice will live, and so will your sister.

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  • Well, it's weird b/c he's the one who filed for the full custody.  He said he did that because he wanted to see my niece more.  My sister has asked him to come to FL for a long weekend, she said she would pay for his hotel, but he always refuses.  The only time he sees her is when she flies up to RI.

    A couple of weeks ago, when my mom flew up, she asked him if he wanted my niece to come up too.  He said he already had plans that weekend to see the Sox.  Wth?

    I think it will suck when she gets older.  But it seems like they are back in court every couple of years rehashing the custody terms.

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  • This sounds like DD's dad, only I don't think he's going to take me to court over custody anytime soon.  I have offered to fly her to him, fly him to her, anything so that she can see him.  It's been a year and a half since she saw him and that's a long time for a 6 year old.  He just won't commit to anything.  I know it's going to be hard on her when we go overseas b/c she's going to have to go from seeing her father very rarely for short visits to coming to the states and staying with him for a month during the summer.  Hopefully she will adjust ok to that arrangement.  All your sister can do is try to be supportive of her daughter and make the transitions as easy on her as possible.
  • That is why divorce and custody would suck, especially living in different states. I could not imagine not seeing my DD for 6 weeks, I think I would go crazy. Heck when we went on a cruise for 5 days I was a mess! We left her with my mom, so I knew she was safe but not seeing her absolutely killed me. 

    But, my brother's wife's daughter had to go see her dad when she was 9-10 and had never been around him in her life. She talked to him a few times on the phone but that was it. The first time she went my brother and SIL went also, they stayed in a hotel and so they were kinda close if she did not want to stay. Now she will go with no problem.

    Also if you are near maybe you could do some stuff with her while she is up there, and if she needs something you could get her.

    Damn that was long! sorry 

  • I don't think so. It is the dad's responsibility to entertain her, feed her, cloth her and keep her safe.  Not insensitive.  Your sister has full custody, she should be greatful it is not the other way around.  Yes, she will miss her but remind her it could always be the reverse.
  • imageSCJB143:

    That is why divorce and custody would suck, especially living in different states. I could not imagine not seeing my DD for 6 weeks, I think Also if you are near maybe you could do some stuff with her while she is up there, and if she needs something you could get her.

    That's a good idea.  Letting your niece know that you are there if she needs you would probably make her feel more at ease.

    I am sensitive to your sister's perspective in a way because there is no way a person who isn't there day in and day out can just pick up being a parent for 6 weeks in the summer.  Also, I don't know what her ex is like, but DD's dad is still so much like a big kid himself that I do worry about her.  He has some friends that I don't approve of and don't really want around DD and I just naturally don't trust him to be able to keep her protected and provide for her as well as I can.  That doesn't mean I have a right to, or that I should, keep her away from him. It just means that it's always going to be a little nerve wracking for me to send her to stay with him for such a long time.

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