Family Matters
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

MIL is acting different (kinda long)

Is there some kind of thing that after you get married your MIL turns into the MIL from hell?

 My MIL was the sweetest person ever the whole time DH and I were dating and she was over the moon when we got engaged and helped a lot with the wedding.

A year later I notice she has started to make these snarky comments about anything and everything. For example she thinks that I am suppose to be this submissive wife to DH and he should take care of everything regarding our finances. Little does she know he sucks at it and that is why I do it. Well we had some unexpected things happen last month and we couldn't pay a bill all at one time so we made 2 payments.

Well to top it all off DH got laid off from his job today and he called his mom to tell her about it and he made the comment how I had to split that bill into 2 payments. She asked him why didn't he do the bills instead of me? DH told her that we had to do it that way because of financial reasons.

It just makes me mad cause her idea of being a wife is being barefoot and pregnant and serving DH. She doesn't make these comments often but when she does it makes my blood boil!

Re: MIL is acting different (kinda long)

  • That would drive me crazy too! I also do the bills in our house. My H is a financial disaster if left to his own devices. So he puts his checks into an account and I do as well, and I pay the bills out of that.

    If I were you, the next time she said something I would say something back. Something like, "We tried him doing it and both agreed it would be better for me to do it" or "I'd love it if I didn't have to deal with the bills, however, this way works best for us".

    The exact response would depend on your personalities. However, I do think you have a right to address these comments, even though it is his mother.

    I DO think that it would be better if he just explained to her that he is a mess with money and he wants you to do it. If he doesn't want to reveal that to his mother (mine wouldn't want to), I think it's okay for you to say something without throwing him under the bus.

    Have you asked him to say something to her when she says these things? 

     

    [IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/rkd75g.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i41.tinypic.com/23r1e34.jpg[/IMG]
  • What does your husband say to her when she makes these kinds of comments?  Does he tell her she is being rude?
  • So she's the MIL from hell because she makes comments about spousal roles that you disagree with on rare occasions?

    Besides, how does she even know you had to spilt the bill that one time? If you don't want her commenting on it, don't say anything to her about it.

    image Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
  • She was on speaker when she said it. DH knew I was a little mad about it. He also knows he is bad at managing money and that is why he didn't say anything.
  • I have not been a "traditional" wife either.  For the last half of our marriage, I've been the main wage earner and primary financial person.  My DH worked part time while our kids were younger and at home, and he attended more school and sporting events than I did.  My MIL (and FIL when he was alive) always made comments about this, thinking I wasn't acting like an appropriate wife. 

    What I've learned over the years is that I'll never change their opinions about what a wife should be.  Since my MIL was a more "traditional" wife, she will always see her choices as the correct one.  So frankly, I turn a deaf ear to what she says.  My DH and I see things differently than she does and we like our arrangement.  My MIL's comments have more to do with her trying to defend her own choices in comparison to mine.

    I suggest you try not to see your MIL's comments as a personal criticism of you but just realize she has a different way of looking at things.  So what if she thinks you should act like a different kind of wife?  If you and your DH are happy, ignore her.

  • Don't talk to her about finances if you do not want comments.  I split our rent into 2 payments this month-it just worked since we had excess this month and it seems as if less is going out. Of course it is the same but still.  I do not usually even share "how" I pay bills to DH except to let him know all our bills are paid and we have "x" money leftover.   I also update him on our savings or anything else he wants to know.

     

    Will also say I am a very traditional wife though I do work.  Me doing the finances is one of our divisions of labor :-) 

  • image Kayemar:

    Well we had some unexpected things happen last month and we couldn't pay a bill all at one time so we made 2 payments.

    Well to top it all off DH got laid off from his job today and he called his mom to tell her about it and he made the comment how I had to split that bill into 2 payments. She asked him why didn't he do the bills instead of me? DH told her that we had to do it that way because of financial reasons.

    I understand your DH telling his mom he got laid off, but why the hell is he telling her anything else about your finances? That's none of her business at all. That's a DH issue, not a MIL issue. He needs to keep his piehole shut.

    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • That sucks about your husband's job. 

    First, don't tell her about your finances or anything that's too personal.  Then, next time she makes a suggestion about how to handle your money or whatever just say "I'll think about it" and let it fly into one ear and out the other.  She'll probably continue to have different opinions about gender roles in marriage than you, so unless you like to debate, I'd just let them fly right by.

     

  • image zitiqueen:
    image Kayemar:

    Well we had some unexpected things happen last month and we couldn't pay a bill all at one time so we made 2 payments.

    Well to top it all off DH got laid off from his job today and he called his mom to tell her about it and he made the comment how I had to split that bill into 2 payments. She asked him why didn't he do the bills instead of me? DH told her that we had to do it that way because of financial reasons.

    I understand your DH telling his mom he got laid off, but why the hell is he telling her anything else about your finances? That's none of her business at all. That's a DH issue, not a MIL issue. He needs to keep his piehole shut.

    Ditto this.  If you don't want MIL to comment on issues related to finance (or whatever else), DH should not mention those issues to her.  You need to have a discussion with your DH about how the information he shares affects the way his mother behaves towards you.

Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards