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Should my husband please his family?

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Re: Should my husband please his family?

  • image Truchana:

    I believe the first thing to approach here is your husbands anger issues. My cousin just got out of the marines and was deployed in Iraq for a while.  He is in counseling now for some major post depression/anxiety issues (he was deployed in Iraq about 2 years ago) and is still going through this.  According to my family, he's had some major anger issues/outbursts and has been drinking heavily.  You need to get him to address these things now....support group, medication, etc.

    Secondly, with regard to the traveling to see his parents, I do believe you are slightly overreacting but I understand your frustrations.  My thoughts...

    • If father is disabled, they may not be able to fly/travel so easily. If they are not around you guys, they are also probably not aware of your financial burdens or the anger issues your husband has. They probably need a gentle reminder or discussion (with in the limits you are willing to provide them).
    • The money from his uncle is a nice gift and I feel you are being selfish as a wife and daughter in law by not allowing him to accept it....especially if father can not travel easily.
    • Explain to inlaws that that you guys are worried about son being away from dad and the trauma it might put him through right now and that he is priority #1 (as well as ensuring your husbands health).  That being said, I do not believe you need to be around eachother 24/7, and I believe children are really fairly resilient. While you need to be considerate of their needs, life does need to get back to normal and that means being apart every once in a while. Accept the money for the visit but set some boundaries with them. "We are thankful you are offering the money and would love to accept so that huband x can see his dad. That being said, we are really concerned about our son and do not feel comfortable leaving him until X month.  I hope you can understand the situation but you are always welcome to come down here for a visit."

    Overall, with regard to your inlaws, I think you need to simply open the lines of communication with in the boundaries you allow, i.e. how much of your financial situation you want to devulge is up to you or how much detail you want to devulge on the difficulties your husband is going through emotionally is up to you, so that they have an understanding of why you are not seeing them.  If you put yourself in their shoes, it looks like your husband just got back from Iraq, where he's been for a year,  and hasn't even been up to see his parents since his return, nor is he apparently returning their phone calls/emails. Lets face it, it doesn't look good on your part.  Don't just assume they understand what you guys are going through, some people need a little reminder.....and you guys will need lots of support from extended family for life to return to normal.  Good luck.

     

    This is one smart lady.

     

    Listen to her!

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