I know that I will probably get flamed for posting this but I wanted to know if maybe I could be right. My husband recently returned from Iraq (on 29 August) and has been working short hours and relaxing at home with me and our 5 year old son. We live in Washington and our families live in WI and IL. Of course we miss them and would love to visit as often as we were able to when he was stationed in KY, bur right now we are very tight on money. Actually, we are hurting pretty bad and are living pay check to pay check because our insurance went up after he got a DUI plus we are living off post (which is pretty expensive) and aren'table to move on post for awhile. We also just paid off his truck and are paying other debts of his. We plan on saving some money and visiting them in June during his summer vacation.
I know he misses his family just like I miss mine. But since we've been married I have noticed that his family just assumes that we have enough money to be able to see them whenever we want. That's just not the case anymore because for one I'm not working anymore and also because we live much further and we can't just magically come up with $800 or more plane tickets. So when his step mother asked him if we'll be visiting soon he told her no but that they are welcomed to come anytime. My husband's father is disabled so his step mom is the one who works and takes care of him. She told my husband that they could possibly make it by us during the spring. We said ok, but if she can't then we'll come next summer. He hasn't seen them since we visited them in May of 2009. By the time we visit it'll be 2 years (one of them he was deployed).
Well, then he gets a call from his uncle (his dad's brother) which is unusual. I happened to answer the phone since my husband wasn't there and asks to speak with him; I told him he'll get back with him when he gets the chance. My husband has been busy so he completely forgot to call him back. Then today I get an email from his step mom asking me to tell Jeremy to call his uncle. She also mentioned that his uncle wants my husband to visit his father since he is a little depressed because he hasn't seen his son in 16 months. I guess he is offering to pay for the ticket.
I'm a little upset because like I said his family expects him to visit. They don't make the effort or spend the money to see us. Whenever we don't visit his step mother mentions how depressed his father is about my husband not visiting. His father wasn't happy about my husband going into the military and has worried himself to death about his son. It got so bad that my husband eventually left the Army and then realized he got out for the wrong reason (to please his dad) and went back in a couple years later. I'm also upset because this will break my son's heart to see his dad go without him. He was away an entire year and it was very difficult for him so I can imagine how he'll feel when his dad leaves again. I also don't like the idea of letting his uncle pay for his ticket. We are adults (27 and 29) and feel we are too old to accept his offer. We do plan on seeing our families just not when his expects us to. I also didn't mention how angry and resentful my husband acts towards me especially since he's returned from Iraq. He yells, screams, and swears at me and yes it happened again when I told him I felt it was wrong that his family expects him to please them all the time. My family doesn't expect this out of me. If I can't see them then I can't, it's not a big deal to them. I just have the feeling that his uncle is tired of hearing his brother complain about not seeing hi son and feels in order to shut him up he'll pay for my husband to fly and see his dad. I'm a little hesitant because to me it shows that they expect him to drop everything to please his father. Just like they told my husband NOT to tell his father he was deploying until at least a month before he left or else he would go crazy. Really, his step mother did't want to deal with it and that's why she wanted him to keep quiet; she would have rather he not say anything at all but she knew that wasn't going to happen.
So should my husband just go to please his dad and upset our son? Or should he tell them thanks but no thanks but that they are welcomed to visit anytime until we can save enough money to make a trip?