So we're still in the throes of unpacking, going through our stuff and getting it organized, settling in. We have our first meeting with MIL, about one month after first moving in, to kind of get a status-check on how everyone feels about the living situation.
DH is getting very frustrated, some for good reason, some for what was totally foreseeable (he & his mom seeing things their own way and not bending).
One major issue we have to address is that lately she has taken to smoking around the kids. It's only been outside, but she is lighting up virtually every time she heads outside, and they are right there with her. We're not just worried about the physical effects, but also how it looks to see Grandma lighting up every chance she gets. (Considering W has had to use a nebulizer for the last few years due to occasional wheezing, it rather amazes me.) It's weird too - when her mother was alive, she was made to hobble into another closed room to smoke while the kids were over there and MIL never smoked. Now she's kicking it into high gear - maybe for anxiety reasons, maybe pain, maybe coping with the recent loss, who knows. But any way, we have to address it.
Now I may have to put off taking a kitten in until we get this settled out - if she tells us flat out she won't stop smoking around the kids, I don't think that's an area we are willing to compromise on, and as it's her house, we'd be needing to move out.
If anyone has thoughts, advice, criticism, etc - bring it on. We did have a major meeting before we ever moved in outlining areas we needed to understand and accept about each person's dynamic if this was going to work, and the smoking thing was one of them. We have also communicated to her repeatedly that she needs to not be around the kids when she smokes, but she'll light up with them right there anyway and we are the ones removing them from the vicinity.