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bump-mommies & moms of two or more

I don't want to make this a QOTW on BM&O because it doesn't apply to everyone, but I'm curious?.

How did you prepare/are you preparing the older sibling(s) for the arrival of the younger?

Bean still doesn't talk very much, but she knows the word "baby" and she seems to get it when I point to my belly and say "baby," but I don't think she understands anything about the fact the baby will be coming out of there and living with us! I have a couple of books. One is cloth and has big mommy animals where you lift the belly up and find a baby animal velcroed in that can be taken out, then the last mommy is a human mommy. The other is a toddler asking a bunch of questions about the new baby, which is supposedly meant to inspire discussion, but Bean isn't at a "discussion" point in her language development, so I don't know how much she gets out of it. 

Re: bump-mommies & moms of two or more

  • Finn keeps lifting my shirt to see the baby and asking if there are fish in there, so he clearly doesn't get it yet :)
    DS 02.10.2008 * DD 04.05.2011

    [IMG]http://i53.tinypic.com/jhzsar.jpg[/IMG]
  • image andrea922:
    Finn keeps lifting my shirt to see the baby and asking if there are fish in there, so he clearly doesn't get it yet :)

    Ha ha ha ha! Sorry, but that is just too darn cute and too darn funny!

     

    Mine is 11 years. She totally gets it. I can't really offer too much advice on a closer age gap. Sad

  • We haven't really been preparing DD as such but she seems to be getting the idea. She knows that there is a baby in mama's belly and that the baby has to grow more before he/she can come out (this was an issue in the beginning, she would insist that she wanted to hold the baby there and then :)). She is 3 years old though. It helps that she adores babies at her daycare (she is their self-proclaimed protector :)) and that she has seen a few of her friends getting siblings in the past year or so. But, she has already started telling us what all she can do and the baby will not be able to because he/she will be so small. I don't know if these are the first tinges of jealousy...
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Forgot to add - the age gap between DD's best friend from daycare and his sister is one month shy of two years and his mum has told me that he accepted her with no problems because he was in a way still too small to know the difference. My sister's kids are 19 months apart and this was definitely true for them too.

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Bean *loves* other babies, and she's always trying to help when they cry, offering them blankets and pacifiers and stuff. When she doesn't know what to do, she'll pat them on the head or back and look very concerned. It's very cute! I just hope she loves it this much when the baby is around all the time instead of just a few hours at a playgroup. lol
  • image lorryfach:
    Bean *loves* other babies, and she's always trying to help when they cry, offering them blankets and pacifiers and stuff. When she doesn't know what to do, she'll pat them on the head or back and look very concerned. It's very cute! I just hope she loves it this much when the baby is around all the time instead of just a few hours at a playgroup. lol

    This is our concern too, they are all cute and cuddly for a few hours but what is going to happen when they stick around :)?

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • image bigfatgreekwedd:

    Forgot to add - the age gap between DD's best friend from daycare and his sister is one month shy of two years and his mum has told me that he accepted her with no problems because he was in a way still too small to know the difference. My sister's kids are 19 months apart and this was definitely true for them too.

    That's promising! Bean and Bug will be 25 months apart, so pretty close to that. 

  • image andrea922:
    Finn keeps lifting my shirt to see the baby and asking if there are fish in there, so he clearly doesn't get it yet :)

    whoa whoa whoa... did i miss something?? 

  • image hamilton.ja:

    image andrea922:
    Finn keeps lifting my shirt to see the baby and asking if there are fish in there, so he clearly doesn't get it yet :)

    whoa whoa whoa... did i miss something?? 

    She's being sneaky! Take a good look at her siggy pic though. ;) 

  • Ok now to answer the original question...

    We talked about Evelyn a lot with him. Once we knew it was a girl and knew her name we talked about her by name but even before that we talked about the baby - Bruce is very verbal though so even though he was just 2 when we found out we could have a conversation with him. He definitely understood more as time went on. When we got closer to the time and we had things for the baby out we also got books about being a big brother and one in particular was really good. It was all about how mommy and daddy brought a new baby home (gender neutral) and how the big brother wanted to play with it but he had to wait and wait b/c babies need to sleep or eat or get their diapers changed, etc. Then eventually the baby starts to watch him play and he likes it and then in the end the baby takes one of his toys and the little boy gets upset and the mommy and daddy say "But look, the baby is ready to play with you now!" and he is happy again and they play together. Bruce still likes to read this one.

    We also took a little sibling class at our hospital. It was too advanced for him but he liked the idea that he did it and then we had some more things to talk about - the names of different items that we'd use with the baby, the fact that she never eats his food and just drinks milk, and stuff like that.

    It seems to have paid off a lot becuase we've had very few issues with her arrival. He has had a few moments where he's overtired and said something like "Put her down now and play with me/pick me up/etc." and been upset if we couldn't put her down right away (if I was nursing for instance). But generally he's very good. Then yesterday we were at the dentist for cleanings and he was being very good w/ Evelyn and rocking her when she got fussy while I was getting my teeth cleaned and then one of the women who worked there offered to take her out of her carseat and hold her for me. So she was staying right by where we were but at one point she walked down the hallway and Bruce suddenly got hysterical and we had to stop my cleaning so I could calm him down. He was so upset I couldn't even get anything out of him about why he was upset until a few minutes in he finally choked out "She's taking baby Evelyn away!". It took me a few minutes to assure him that she wasn't taking her away forever and was just doing me a favor by walking her around so Evelyn wouldn't cry and it was ok. I was actually sort of impressed that he was that concerned about her. It was very sweet in a way!

  • image lorryfach:
    image hamilton.ja:

    image andrea922:
    Finn keeps lifting my shirt to see the baby and asking if there are fish in there, so he clearly doesn't get it yet :)

    whoa whoa whoa... did i miss something?? 

    She's being sneaky! Take a good look at her siggy pic though. ;) 

    AH! Yes she is!!! yay! 

  • image hamilton.ja:
    image lorryfach:
    image hamilton.ja:

    image andrea922:
    Finn keeps lifting my shirt to see the baby and asking if there are fish in there, so he clearly doesn't get it yet :)

    whoa whoa whoa... did i miss something?? 

    She's being sneaky! Take a good look at her siggy pic though. ;) 

    AH! Yes she is!!! yay! 

    Thanks Hamilton ;)

    DS 02.10.2008 * DD 04.05.2011

    [IMG]http://i53.tinypic.com/jhzsar.jpg[/IMG]
  • Mine didn't get it either, she was only 2 when I had DD#2, so I didn't prep hardly at all, except to teach her how to be gently with things.  Now that they are 3 and 1, times are tough now that #2 is mobile and wants to play with #1's toys.  A lot of crying and screaming gong on these days!
  • image bigfatgreekwedd:

    image lorryfach:
    Bean *loves* other babies, and she's always trying to help when they cry, offering them blankets and pacifiers and stuff. When she doesn't know what to do, she'll pat them on the head or back and look very concerned. It's very cute! I just hope she loves it this much when the baby is around all the time instead of just a few hours at a playgroup. lol

    This is our concern too, they are all cute and cuddly for a few hours but what is going to happen when they stick around :)?

    Jeffery was like Bean from the get-go. The only thing we did before-hand was teach him "gentle, soft, nice" and other words like that. Any time we were around a baby, we'd make a point of telling him to be gentle with the baby. And he was just learning to pay attention and say "baby."We did have a game that we'd ask him where P-Nut was, and he'd point to my belly, or pull my shirt up and raspberry my belly.

    He was always interested in everyone's "beep beep" (belly button) already. He stopped doing that when we got home from the hospital, which I found funny. Now he's gone back to just pointing to my belly button.

    He has never once even acted like he was going to hurt Jonathan. He is super sweet and gentle with him. He even greets him every morning, several times throughout the day, and crouches down to get really close to him and talks to him softly. We've never taught him any of that.

    He puts his paci back in his mouth, and that's really the only thing we've had to work on (besides being quiet, lol). Originally, he'd want to put it in and then shove to make sure it stayed. Now he knows to hold it there until Jonathan takes it.

    We have a bedtime routine of saying prayers together in their room, and Jeffery usually asks us to lay Jonathan beside him in bed. We've started doing that while we pray, then giving kisses all around and leaving him to fall asleep. It works fairly well. Now we're working on them falling asleep in the same room at night! 

    They are 21 months apart, so we knew there was only so much we could do to prepare him, but it's been a super smooth transition, and he is absolutely in love with his brother! 

    Awesome pic of hubby and DS#1

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    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    "My 101 List - Updating asap, I swear!

    image
  • We told W immediately (possibly not wise should anything have happened!) and he immediatley started pointing to my belly and saying baby. We took him to the 20 week scan, made apoint of saying how she was waving at him, etc. We found out the sex partly to emphasise that he was having a baby sister. I keep interacting - he blows raspberries on my tummy and says wakey wakey to baby, we aske him about names (hence her new nickname of Abba!!), and try to show him babies whenever we see them at playgroups/etc and say 'this is what we'll have for Christmas, the baby in mummy's tummy'. Generally, we talk about her as much as possible, esp in practical contexts: where baby will sleep, should we buy this for baby, etc. As an aside, he LOVES playing with the baby girl clothes we've got - says 'W [hang] baby girl clothes'.

    I think he sort of 'gets' it, but obviously he has no idea what is in store come December!

    A friend of mine got a baby doll (one that does the works: drinking, peeing, crying) for ehr daughter in preparation. The baby came on Sunday and the doll has been forgotten!

    Also, another suggestion: DC 1 is 'mummy's baby', DC2 is their baby. I have no idea if that works, but the idea is to get beyodn the idea of being replaced.

    Mum to W (4) and M (nearly 2)
  • Hamilton, can you give me the details of that book please? I'm starting to think about things like that, and would love to look it up.

    Mum to W (4) and M (nearly 2)
  • image cakenbake:
    They are 21 months apart, so we knew there was only so much we could do to prepare him, but it's been a super smooth transition, and he is absolutely in love with his brother!  

    I was hoping you'd respond since yours are so close in age, too. I'm glad it's all good news! :)

    Bean learned "gentle" really early on, due to the cats. Fortunately the cats could handle what she was like before she got it down better than a newborn would, though they were a bit scared of her at first! lol They get along famously now. Lidja loves to nap with Bean during the day, and both cats will even approach her and 'ask' for pets. :) 

  • image newporter:
    Now that they are 3 and 1, times are tough now that #2 is mobile and wants to play with #1's toys.  A lot of crying and screaming gong on these days!

    La la la la la! I'm not listening! lol I can't think that far ahead yet. ;) Maybe I should be hoping that Bug doesn't become mobile really early like Bean did, though?? 

  • image lorryfach:

    image newporter:
    Now that they are 3 and 1, times are tough now that #2 is mobile and wants to play with #1's toys.  A lot of crying and screaming gong on these days!

    La la la la la! I'm not listening! lol I can't think that far ahead yet. ;) Maybe I should be hoping that Bug doesn't become mobile really early like Bean did, though?? 

     

    this really all just started happening the last couple of months...when DD2 started getting around.  They ADORED each other for the longest time and now, ugh, we have our good moments and some not so nice!!!  DD1 has become a bit aggressive towards her too, which is driving me crazy.  I am constantly telling her to STOP pulling on DD2 and snatching things out of her hand.  I expect that this is a short lived phase!!!  I hope! 

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