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Just read the DD post that was reposted and feel I need to say something..

To all of you who attacked (yes, attacked) "Iheartmyfamily", this is for you.
While I agree she sounded immature in a few of her posts, she was acting out of shock and anger for the way you guys (especially "21st") responded to her and initially said hurtful things. I thought her choice to stay seated during the "family blessing" of the wedding was pretty immature because she did make that part about her; she should've just sucked it up and stood up, lying or not. She made it about her by staying seated out of spite and not "approving" of her cousin's wedding. But that still did not call for the kind of remarks you guys made. Now, I'm all for drama on the boards, but I've been on thebump, theknot, and thenest for almost a year and I can honestly say you all have taken things way too far.
What would've been necessary would be if people told her how she needed to suck it up and stand for the wedding and explain how that looks like she's making it about herself by not doing that. But you guys right off the bat started saying she was a spoiled brat (which she's far from - she's STARVING for attention, love, and acceptance because her family makes her feel inferior and unimportant.. that's sad!), and you had a mean manner to anything you had to say to her. I just want you all to know, you're not funny, witty , or clever with anything you said to her. It was all directed to hurt her, not help her.
It was incredibly awful to say "no wonder you have no friends and your family hates you". She doesn't deserve that. She doesn't sound like an awful person, just someone who's hurt because of the way she's been treated by family. I know this place isn't for support, it's a public message board, and I'm all for giving the hard truth to people who need it, but seriosuly.. you guys were incredibly unnecessary. She got defensive and started calling names because you guys hurt her and she didn't understand why she was being treated that way. Yes, the lawyer bit is pretty unrealistic, and she'll soon realize she can't do anything and just needs to move on. But you still have no right to say she has a "mental illness" or say any other offensive things, public message board or not. And if I read right, I thought the rules here state that you can't repost a drama thread? I mean I used to do that and was corrected for it because someone told me you can get banned for that depending on the situation. I don't know, it just doesn't seem right to me what you guys did to her.
I hope you all feel victorious or whatever you were seeking in treating her the way you did, but just know it was not right. Now go ahead and flame me, call me names, whatever you want. I don't care because that'll just show your immaturity more and that you're defending the fact that I'm right. Carry on!
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Re: Just read the DD post that was reposted and feel I need to say something..

  • srgwsrgw member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I agree with you. Yes
  • i agree with u, saw the posts...and didn't respond or comment.... and it was pretty vicious. It should have stopped with her deleting her original thread...

    the point of the boards is to vent/sound off/get advice. Sometimes the advice confirms your feelings...and yet other times it doesn't and calls you out...in the case you are called out it is hard to take the advice because it is honest advice and helps you see a different point of view and I understand that.But when it just becomes outright maliciousness...i don't know it's just too much.

     

  • image Skadilynd:

    i agree with u, saw the posts...and didn't respond or comment.... and it was pretty vicious. It should have stopped with her deleting her original thread...

    the point of the boards is to vent/sound off/get advice. Sometimes the advice confirms your feelings...and yet other times it doesn't and calls you out...in the case you are called out it is hard to take the advice because it is honest advice and helps you see a different point of view and I understand that.But when it just becomes outright maliciousness...i don't know it's just too much.

     

    See if everyone came to the boards with that mindset all would be well. But a lot of people come thinking these boards are for support... they're not. It doesn't say that anywhere and depending on the kind of topic you're posting, you better wear your big girl panties because not everyone is going to say what you want to hear. That's called the hard truth and sometimes constructive critism. It looked like she expected everyone to be on her side and when they weren't she didn't like it. BUT that's still no excuse to react the way the posters did.
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  • Thanks mom, but if you read the post correctly she wasn't attacked by anyone. She was told she was acting like a spoiled brat. Those were my exact words. She then returned and called me a <edited by the mod> and a <edited by the mod> as well as a few other things. That is when things got ugly. So, please if you are going to sit here and say she got attacked please get your story straight. I certainly won't alow someone to ATTACK ME because I told her what I thought. No cursing was used on my part. That is why the mod censored HER not me.

    The posters acted the way she did AFTER she started with the vulgar language, so please get off your high horse with the lectures. At least get your story straight before you start preaching. I don't attack unless attacked first, and I'll be damned if I allow people to talk to me that way.

     

     

  • TBH, I think these posts are a complete waste of time. Iheartmyfamily or whatever the F her name was is not going to think (or at least admit) she did anything wrong, the other posters are not going to think (or at least admit) that they did anything wrong, and all "Call Out" posts like this one do is give everybody involved a chance to come back and rehash why they were completely right!

    So annoying. Maybe even more annoying than the original post.

  • Well golly gee!  Aren't we glad we have you here to put us all back on the right track.  Thank you for this post.  I'm printing it out and hanging it up as a testament to your leadership skills.
    image
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  • image 21st:

     I certainly won't alow someone to ATTACK ME because I told her what I thought.

    The justification here is amusing. It's the "don't hate me because I'm brutally honest" argument. Of course you went on the attack. You wanted to provoke a reaction from her. You should just be honest about that.

    Look, I appreciate snark as much as the next person, but don't try to hide behind just being honest and helpful. You want to be snarky and bitchy. Fine. Great. Own it.

    And yes, the callout posts are worthless. No one is going to magically change their mind and behavior. It just makes me cringe for the person writing the callout. These never work. Ever. Like your mom said, if you don't like, just ignore it. It's not fun when people aren't giving it any more attention.

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  • Agree completely.  This was bullying at it's worst.

    Re-posting DD'd posts and going to other boards to get other board members to visit posts is immature.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • Susie and Wahoo--ITA.

     There's one thing to be said for snarky & brutal honesty and both of those certainly have their place. But all out piling on and dragging it on and reposting it and posting it on another board and on and on and on it goes...Seriously annoying and clearly just an attempt to show how "cool" you are.

    Drives me up the effing walls. 

  • I posted this so you guys can maybe see how wrong all of that was, but I definitely don't expect you to own up to what you did and admit you attacked her. You just don't have the maturity to do that. And actually I DO have my story straight. I read the entire thing and it was very clear that right off the bat when she was being nice you were being rude and demeaning her. You DID attack first so I call bullshit on "I don't attack unless being attacked first". But think whatever you want, I know the truth and saw what happened. I don't care if you don't like that I'm calling you out. You're in the wrong and need to be put in your place.
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  • image imoan:
    Well golly gee!  Aren't we glad we have you here to put us all back on the right track.  Thank you for this post.  I'm printing it out and hanging it up as a testament to your leadership skills.
    Oh and thanks for proving my point about the immaturity in you all. :-)
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  • image KelsoXOXO:
    I posted this so you guys can maybe see how wrong all of that was, but I definitely don't expect you to own up to what you did and admit you attacked her. You just don't have the maturity to do that. And actually I DO have my story straight. I read the entire thing and it was very clear that right off the bat when she was being nice you were being rude and demeaning her. You DID attack first so I call bullshit on "I don't attack unless being attacked first". But think whatever you want, I know the truth and saw what happened. I don't care if you don't like that I'm calling you out. You're in the wrong and need to be put in your place.

    Here's the thing, Kelso. Regardless of how wonderful and mature you are, you're not going to make anybody around here see how wrong anything was, because the people that were involved don't think they did anything wrong, and the people who already think it was wrong did the mature, smart thing by staying out of it completely. So, you're opinion, though clearly highly valued by you and those around you, is not of great importance or persuasion around here. 

    Further, you didn't put anybody in their place. You're just making a fool out of yourself by coming in here with your holier than everybody attitude and trying to teach people a lesson. You can't teach those who are not willing to learn, and nobody here really is willing to learn from you. 

    Please, just let this horrible mess you created die. 

  • I wasn't here and I didn't see the post(s) or the comments (was away for the weekend), but the thing is, there's no point in threads like this. Yeah, I thought it would be a good idea, once, before, and that the people who had posted hateful, unkind, malicious things would have a Come To Jesus moment and realize how they'd behaved towards another human being (justified or not) and would apologize and everything would be puppy dogs and rainbows, but it just doesn't work that way.

    Keep in mind, OP, that there are reasons that people post what they do that have nothing at all to do with what the post said. Some people get triggered by certain things and react emotionally. Some people get frustrated 'cause they've seen it all before and nothing changed then, so why, in their minds, would it change now? And some people are just in bad moods/PMSing/whatever and post as a reaction to their personal experience. And I'm sure there are many, many other reasons some people post the way they do, but those are the few that are coming to mind right now. Thing is, you're not going to change them. As I have advised many posters on this forum in the time that I've been here, you can't change other people. That includes us.

    All you can do is change yourself, control yourself. If you feel badly that this poster (Iheartmyfamily?) was being attacked, and you want to share, let her know that not everyone on the boards feels the way some have expressed. Try to help her, not to control everyone else - helping her might work; controlling others? Nah. No way.

    I have a feeling your heart is in the right place, but you need to think about this kind of stuff. It's all relevant and it all ties in.

    Good luck. :)

  • image MKESweetie:

    image KelsoXOXO:
    I posted this so you guys can maybe see how wrong all of that was, but I definitely don't expect you to own up to what you did and admit you attacked her. You just don't have the maturity to do that. And actually I DO have my story straight. I read the entire thing and it was very clear that right off the bat when she was being nice you were being rude and demeaning her. You DID attack first so I call bullshit on "I don't attack unless being attacked first". But think whatever you want, I know the truth and saw what happened. I don't care if you don't like that I'm calling you out. You're in the wrong and need to be put in your place.

    Here's the thing, Kelso. Regardless of how wonderful and mature you are, you're not going to make anybody around here see how wrong anything was, because the people that were involved don't think they did anything wrong, and the people who already think it was wrong did the mature, smart thing by staying out of it completely. So, you're opinion, though clearly highly valued by you and those around you, is not of great importance or persuasion around here. 

    Further, you didn't put anybody in their place. You're just making a fool out of yourself by coming in here with your holier than everybody attitude and trying to teach people a lesson. You can't teach those who are not willing to learn, and nobody here really is willing to learn from you. 

    Please, just let this horrible mess you created die. 

    LMFAO at "holier than everyone". 21st is the one thinking she's holier and she's the sh!t. 21st, I saw you posted on other boards drawing people to iheartmyfamily's post, making fun of her more, and saying she needed to be set straight by "the regulars"....um you joined like 2 weeks ago. It's just comical to me that you think what you're doing is normal and ok.
    Like I said, I don't expect them to own up to anything or learn from anything. They don't care and they're immature. I certainly don't think I'm better than anyone, but seriously that clusterfvck that happened in that post was beyond wrong. I don't care who you are.
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  • MKESweetie, I'm going to disagree with you on this one.

    I have often seen people come to a defense of a poster on a post like Iheart, and then THEY are attacked.  Because bullys hate having people point out that what they are doing is wrong.  I'm a person who will post contrary ideas without caring what the rest of the boards think - especially when I haven't heard of most of them.  But I have also posted an idea "against the grain," and have had multiple posts following mine agreeing with me.  I'm not sure if its timing, or they were just afraid to post until they saw that they were not alone. 

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • image JoEsther:

    I wasn't here and I didn't see the post(s) or the comments (was away for the weekend), but the thing is, there's no point in threads like this. Yeah, I thought it would be a good idea, once, before, and that the people who had posted hateful, unkind, malicious things would have a Come To Jesus moment and realize how they'd behaved towards another human being (justified or not) and would apologize and everything would be puppy dogs and rainbows, but it just doesn't work that way.

    Keep in mind, OP, that there are reasons that people post what they do that have nothing at all to do with what the post said. Some people get triggered by certain things and react emotionally. Some people get frustrated 'cause they've seen it all before and nothing changed then, so why, in their minds, would it change now? And some people are just in bad moods/PMSing/whatever and post as a reaction to their personal experience. And I'm sure there are many, many other reasons some people post the way they do, but those are the few that are coming to mind right now. Thing is, you're not going to change them. As I have advised many posters on this forum in the time that I've been here, you can't change other people. That includes us.

    All you can do is change yourself, control yourself. If you feel badly that this poster (Iheartmyfamily?) was being attacked, and you want to share, let her know that not everyone on the boards feels the way some have expressed. Try to help her, not to control everyone else - helping her might work; controlling others? Nah. No way.

    I have a feeling your heart is in the right place, but you need to think about this kind of stuff. It's all relevant and it all ties in.

    Good luck. :)

    Oh I completely agree! I did think about these things. I never EVER post a thread calling people out and telling them how bad they sound, but this was unlike anything I've ever seen on the boards, and I'm not new here that's for sure. I normally hang out on the trimester boards and baby boards where my Bump friends are, and things can get brutal over there, but still appropriate. This was totally unappropriate and awful. All I know is I'm glad I don't know these people IRL. They just have no care. Again, I know I won't change anyone. That's very true that people won't change if they don't want to. I just really felt there needed to be something said because the things that were said in that OP were just not ok. But, if I stand alone on this so be it. I got my point across and I'm glad I did. :-)
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  • image Wahoo:

    MKESweetie, I'm going to disagree with you on this one.

    I have often seen people come to a defense of a poster on a post like Iheart, and then THEY are attacked.  Because bullys hate having people point out that what they are doing is wrong.  I'm a person who will post contrary ideas without caring what the rest of the boards think - especially when I haven't heard of most of them.  But I have also posted an idea "against the grain," and have had multiple posts following mine agreeing with me.  I'm not sure if its timing, or they were just afraid to post until they saw that they were not alone. 

    I'm cool w/ you disagreeing with me, I'm just not sure where we're disagreeing? I agree with everything you just said. :)

     

  • Edit: double post
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  • image KelsoXOXO:

    LMFAO at "holier than everyone". 21st is the one thinking she's holier and she's the sh!t. 21st, I saw you posted on other boards drawing people to iheartmyfamily's post, making fun of her more, and saying she needed to be set straight by "the regulars"....um you joined like 2 weeks ago. It's just comical to me that you think what you're doing is normal and ok.
    Like I said, I don't expect them to own up to anything or learn from anything. They don't care and they're immature. I certainly don't think I'm better than anyone, but seriously that clusterfvck that happened in that post was beyond wrong. I don't care who you are.

    Just to be clear, I am in no way defending 21st or anybody else who was a part of that fiasco. Yes, it was totally a fiasco, and it should have ended w/ the OP DD it. 21st was acting like a dramawhore to keep posting it and bring it up and posting it on other boards. I think another poster  posted a different post calling out Iheartmyfamily or whatever, which I also think was totally unnecessary as well.

    I just also think call out posts telling everybody how awful they were, how wrong they were, and attempting to "put them in their places" is unnecessary too.  

  • Kelso, I truly say this nicely... let this go.

    Some people here do agree with you.  I am one.  I don't care who said what first, etc. That post got very nasty very quickly and I felt it was just wrong on many levels.  Which is why I didn't get involved.

    But antagonizing the people who you think are in the wrong just isn't going to help the situation.  Your OP - while it may not do any good, your point has been made.  To turn this into a back and forth just perpetuates the exact issue that you are claiming to be upset about.

     

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
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  • image EastCoastBride:

    Kelso, I truly say this nicely... let this go.

    Some people here do agree with you.  I am one.  I don't care who said what first, etc. That post got very nasty very quickly and I felt it was just wrong on many levels.  Which is why I didn't get involved.

    But antagonizing the people who you think are in the wrong just isn't going to help the situation.  Your OP - while it may not do any good, your point has been made.  To turn this into a back and forth just perpetuates the exact issue that you are claiming to be upset about.

    ITA with ECB.

  • image EastCoastBride:

    Kelso, I truly say this nicely... let this go.

    Some people here do agree with you.  I am one.  I don't care who said what first, etc. That post got very nasty very quickly and I felt it was just wrong on many levels.  Which is why I didn't get involved.

    But antagonizing the people who you think are in the wrong just isn't going to help the situation.  Your OP - while it may not do any good, your point has been made.  To turn this into a back and forth just perpetuates the exact issue that you are claiming to be upset about.

     

    Agreed. That's why my last answer to someone said I got my point across. I'm done now lol. Thanks :-)
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  • image MKESweetie:

    image KelsoXOXO:

    LMFAO at "holier than everyone". 21st is the one thinking she's holier and she's the sh!t. 21st, I saw you posted on other boards drawing people to iheartmyfamily's post, making fun of her more, and saying she needed to be set straight by "the regulars"....um you joined like 2 weeks ago. It's just comical to me that you think what you're doing is normal and ok.
    Like I said, I don't expect them to own up to anything or learn from anything. They don't care and they're immature. I certainly don't think I'm better than anyone, but seriously that clusterfvck that happened in that post was beyond wrong. I don't care who you are.

    Just to be clear, I am in no way defending 21st or anybody else who was a part of that fiasco. Yes, it was totally a fiasco, and it should have ended w/ the OP DD it. 21st was acting like a dramawhore to keep posting it and bring it up and posting it on other boards. I think another poster  posted a different post calling out Iheartmyfamily or whatever, which I also think was totally unnecessary as well.

    I just also think call out posts telling everybody how awful they were, how wrong they were, and attempting to "put them in their places" is unnecessary too.  

    Oh I see what you mean. Sorry I just don't think I'm better than anyone at all, that's why I defended "holier than everyone" - I'm far from it. But I see your point. I've said what I wanted to say so I'm now backing out of this post. ;-)
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  • Edit: double post. Stupid internet..
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  • was iheartmyfamily the one who signed over her kids accidently because she didn't read the small print?
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  • i've skimmed most of this because, well, it's boring. but is this thread any different than the threads you guys are b!tching about really? the back and forth over who is right/wrong with nobody changing their minds. maybe if i take the time to read it i will find out that it is in fact different?
  • Though I agree with you Kelso, I am with ECB on this as well.  I normally lurk on here but that was a thread I definitely felt I should of stayed out of which I did.
    image
  • Okay, I'll admit that I posted in the recopied thread. However, that was just to point out to iheart that maybe the reason people thought she was a spoiled brat was the way she was reacting and with the cussing. I responded a second time to tell her to chill with the hostility, because I hadn't even responded in her original thread in the first place. 

    I agree, things went a bit far in that thread. However, I DO think it needed to be pointed out that not standing or making a scene would not make her look any better in her family's eyes.

    I also think that these types of threads are pointless too. No one is going to care what a poster thinks when they post a call out thread like this.

  • Yes, we can talk about my immaturity all day.  However let's not skim past your "I'm not holier than thou... it's 21st that's holier than thou" whining.  Sounds like a 4 year old to me!

    image
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  • Hey I have an idea! Let's MOVE ON. I'm trying to but people are posting more about this on other boards and have continued to comment on this when clearly the conversation was ending. I'm done so um...bye? You've said your "meany head" things, bet you just feel soooo coool!! You sure look like it! ::snort::
    And this isn't directed towards those saying this thread is dumb, pointless, etc. I have agreed and see what you mean. Moving on now!
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