June 2009 Weddings
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WR: What do you think about this?

A sorority sister of mine (I'll call her A) got married this past weekend. I didn't go, but my best friend Heather did so of course we talked about it yesterday. A is your quintessential Southern girl - very sweet, polite, by-the-book when it comes to manners and such. I was really surprised by the following:

1) It was almost 100 degrees here on Saturday with almost 100% humidity. By dinner time, it was still in the mid 90s and really sticky and miserable. They served dinner to the guests (200+ people) outside under tents. The bride, groom and their immediate families ate INSIDE in the a/c. 

2) The band only performed during the cocktail hour preceding dinner and then for the first dance and parent dances. They stopped afterward so no music for the guests to dance. It can't be a religious issue because they served beer and wine and did the parent dances so IDK what the deal was here. Heather said she left at this point because there was nothing else to do.

3) There were 10 bridesmaids - none received any sort of gift from the bride. Nada. Not even a thank you note from the bride.

 

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Re: WR: What do you think about this?

  • The first two are definitely faux pas:

    1.  If it's hot, you stick it all out together.  The guests are there to see the hosts and bride and groom, so it's silly to hide them away.

    2.  You really need something for wedding guests to do.  Why should guests stick around if the food's been eaten and the band has gone home.

    3.  Could she have bought their dresses or paid for a spa day that you and Heather don't know about?

  • image stephriz:

    3.  Could she have bought their dresses or paid for a spa day that you and Heather don't know about?

    No, this tidbit came from a bridesmaid.

    image
  • That is ridiculous on all 3 accounts.  I would be pisssed if I went to an outdoor wedding and the bride and groom ate in the A/C while everyone else suffered.  As for the band - evidently she must be cheap and hired them for an hour or something - dumb.  I would have left early too.  Could she be completely clueless about the BM gifts?  Has she never been in a wedding?
  • Methinks someone ran out of money and was too embarrassed to do things right in the situation so decided to try to skate on by. Although this does not excuse #1. That is just wrong!
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  • I don't know! I'm honestly very shocked because I know this girl and it seems so unlike her. We were wondering if she just got some very bad advice from someone.
    image
  • image Leigha12:
    Methinks someone ran out of money and was too embarrassed to do things right in the situation so decided to try to skate on by. Although this does not excuse #1. That is just wrong!

    That was my first though. How crazy though.

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  • I would not be pleased a guest or BM. So I know weddings have a lot of weird etiquette things, but most of these seem like common sense. 
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  • I'll give her the benefit of the doubt on #3 -- maybe she was planning on doing photo books or something AFTER the event in order to commemorate the big day.

    #2 I agree is likely a "we can only afford X so that's all we'll provide." That's just poor planning/decision making.

    #1 is just wrong. You should NOT do that to your guests -- they are there to see you, you need to spend time with them! Sure, if there are elderly people who need to be inside for health reasons, let them into the A/C. But that's it.

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  • My first thought when I read #1 was that it would've been hella hot in a wedding dress this past weekend.  I know I was dying in mine and it was only in the 70s that day.  Doesn't excuse ditching her guests in the heat though. 

    #2 sounds like a financial thing.

    #3 I'm hoping she's doing something after the fact, like the picture idea someone said.  Could she have no clue it would be appreciated?  Maybe she can't afford 10 gifts?  The not-so-much-as-a TY-note part is killing me...

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