Family Matters
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I need some opinions!

My brother has not spoken to the rest of the family in close to a year. I heard from my aunt that his wife posted on facebook that my niece (10yo) has been passing out and they are going through tests.

Also my mom is going for tests on thursday to see if she has cancer. I emailed him about this but never got a response. My other brother said he doesnt use email anymore. 

So, basically there is no really way for me to get in tough with him. We cant call the house because his wife was the one to decide he was no longer allowed to see his family. She is very controlling and unpleasant!!

My sil sister is on facebook (not my page). I could send her a message asking about niece and telling her to let him know about my mom. 

Should I do that? My sil sister KNOWS she is a maniac so I think she could let my brother know with out her knowing.

What should I do?

Sorry this all sounds confusing without using names!

Re: I need some opinions!

  • There really isn't anything you can do. Your brother made his choice, you have to respect. Not like it or agree with it, but respect it.
    Hope is not a strategy.
  • Do you have a snail mail address?  Write a letter.  Your mom won't get immediate results from her tests, so by the time you get some answers, he will have contacted you, if he cares.

    If you are worried about it going to his home and his wife intercepting it, I would send it to his work. 

  • image mommyaug06:

    My brother has not spoken to the rest of the family in close to a year. I heard from my aunt that his wife posted on facebook that my niece (10yo) has been passing out and they are going through tests.

    Also my mom is going for tests on thursday to see if she has cancer. I emailed him about this but never got a response. My other brother said he doesnt use email anymore. 

    So, basically there is no really way for me to get in tough with him. We cant call the house because his wife was the one to decide he was no longer allowed to see his family. She is very controlling and unpleasant!!

    My sil sister is on facebook (not my page). I could send her a message asking about niece and telling her to let him know about my mom. 

    Should I do that? My sil sister KNOWS she is a maniac so I think she could let my brother know with out her knowing.

    What should I do?

    Sorry this all sounds confusing without using names!

     

    There's a part of me that says if a family member decides to separate him or herself from the family and not leave or respond to contact information, then the family shouldn't go out of its way to keep that person up to date with news (good or bad).  That person made a choice to not be involved.

    On the other hand, if your mom has cancer (T's and P's, btw), he probably should be made aware.  Wait until you get the tests back, and only try to contact them if they're positive.  If you really don't have any way of contacting them directly (a phone number, work number, address, etc.), I would contact the SIL's sister and ask for a contact number.  I wouldn't pass this info through the SIL's sister. I would say there's a family emergency, and that you either want SIL to call you, or you want to call SIL. 

  • I guess I will hold off. She should have the results by Friday. I am worried about my niece too. I hope that she is ok. She is only 10.
  • image Karen2905:

    There's a part of me that says if a family member decides to separate him or herself from the family and not leave or respond to contact information, then the family shouldn't go out of its way to keep that person up to date with news (good or bad).  That person made a choice to not be involved.

    On the other hand, if your mom has cancer (T's and P's, btw), he probably should be made aware.  Wait until you get the tests back, and only try to contact them if they're positive.  If you really don't have any way of contacting them directly (a phone number, work number, address, etc.), I would contact the SIL's sister and ask for a contact number.  I wouldn't pass this info through the SIL's sister. I would say there's a family emergency, and that you either want SIL to call you, or you want to call SIL. 

    I agree w/ this.

    As far as your neice goes... I know you're concerned, as I would be.  But you have to be realistic.  Your brother has made his choice and if you don't have a relationship w/ him, you arent' going to have one w/ his DD and you're not going to be privvy to how she is and what's going on in her life. 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • image mommyaug06:

    So, basically there is no really way for me to get in tough with him. We cant call the house because his wife was the one to decide he was no longer allowed to see his family. She is very controlling and unpleasant!!

     

    Just curious- how do you know his wife was the one to decide all of this without him having any say?

  • image ZestofLime:
    There really isn't anything you can do. Your brother made his choice, you have to respect. Not like it or agree with it, but respect it.

    This. 

  • WahooWahoo member
    Ancient Membership 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker

    As someone who has cut contact with DH's family....

    If my DD were sick, I would not want to hear from the family members that we are no longer speaking to.  We don't want them in our lives for a reason.  IMO, they would just be seeking drama ("oh, and what's new with ME, well my NIECE is having TESTS because she is PASSING OUT from medical problems!").  Or, they are trying once again to get into our lives after we have told them we don't want them in our lives.

    I'm sure you're a good person and not using niece's illness as way to get what you want (contact with brother, to be a family), but that is how I would feel if my ILS contacted me.

    DH's father (who dh is also not speaking with) has dementia, but we hear about his medical progress through other relatives that we speak to, so if he took a turn for the worse (or developed something else, like cancer) we would hear from the relatives that we are in contact with.  We don't need SIL to phone us and give us updates.  If she phoned us about FIL, we would hang up.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • Respecting the distance your brother has enforced is good advice.  However, a small part of me wonders why you have to follow your SIL's rules?
    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • Go to your brother's house and tell him. Don't think his mom possibly having cancer should be communicated via 3rd person over facebook.

     

    And.. maybe you blaming SIL for everything is part of the reason you were cut off???? Stop blaming her and start looking inward...

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