I have done an awful thing and don't know if it can be repaired.
I have been living with boyfriend for over a year. I knew him for a year and a half, and when something finally happened between us, I moved to Australia to be with him. We had 4 months apart until I moved. I have no doubt in his love for me, and we've talked about the future several times, and both know that we want to spend the rest of our lives together.
He had to fly abroad for work last Saturday morning. When I woke up and went to the computer, his gmail was open. I don't know why, but I decided to browse around. I saw some chats that made me believe that he was with another girl the first month when we were apart. I was devastated.
I tried not to say anything to him while he was abroad because I knew he was under a lot of stress. it was killing me inside because i couldn't wrap my head around what he had done - he has been devoted to me from day one and i know he loves me, so how could he do that to me?
i finally confronted him on tuesday. he said that it wasn't true. that he had been seeing a girl before he came to see me, and then when we finally happened and he returned to australia, he broke it off with her, but still saw her a few times with other people. i believe him.
the problem is that he is so so mad and so so hurt. i invaded his privacy, the "only thing that was left private" as he said, i accused him of adultery which hurt him extremely, and he was also mad that i told a few friends of mine (who are people that he knows well, some he works with sometimes and some are gf of his friends). he's pissed because he thinks this will change their perception of him and hurt his reputation - i know it sounds egotistical, but i understand. if someone accused me of something i didn't do, I would feel awkward to see people that knew about the accusation even though the truth was told (and i called all my friends and rectified the situation - they all know that he didnt cheat on me).
to make matters worse, he told me that he was planning to ask my parents for my hand in marriage today. he bought a ring and told his parents already, and he kept saying, what am i going to tell them now? he's devastated. he's still going to see my parents today even though i told him that it it's easy to cancel, all he has to say is that something came up with his schedule. but he said that he won't do that.
i spoke to him twice since i confronted him. he was so mad and so hurt and it's killing me inside. i told him that i would do anything to gain his trust again, that our relationship is worth fighting for and that this is not a reflection of me or our relationship. i never did this in the past and will never do it again, i did it out of curiosity and not suspicion. he kept saying i don't know if we can get past this.
that was yesterday, today he said that he's committed to make things work and it will take time to build trust again. i know that it was a huge and difficult thing for him to say.
i just want to know that he will be able to forgive me, and i will give everything and do anything to earn his trust again. it's killing me inside that i have hurt the most important person in my life... the love of my life.
do you think he can forgive me? i know it's going to take time, but how can i earn his trust again?