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How do you handle nosey questions?

Re: How do you handle nosey questions?

  • I don't call people friends if I don't want to share basic goals and details of my life.  Neighbors and such I would just continue to be vague.
  • image ilovehouses:
    I don't call people friends if I don't want to share basic goals and details of my life.  Neighbors and such I would just continue to be vague.

    I get what you are saying.  But there's also some things I don't discuss, except with my husband. I'm talking about family issues, relationship issues and other personal things. Sorry, but I don't go around asking any of my friends how much they make, stuff about their sex life. I do think some things should be kept private. And if in a conversation it is soley based on personal questions, I would think you are just tyring to find out information.

  • Please explain to me why you are friends with this woman. Because I am just not seeing it.
    Hope is not a strategy.
  • Well, I've known her for a very long time. She can be fun to hang out with. Are you very subtly saying I shouldn't be friends with her lol?
  • Ok, I get that the question fest was annoying, but the questions you listed at first (asking your DH what he does at work, are you all going to move) are not what I would call deep, personal questions and aren't on the same level as asking about salary and sex, etc. 

    I'm not saying this to be snarky, but what's the issue. How to deal w/ her overly personal questions, or her annoying habit of just asking too many questions in general?

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • rori11rori11 member

    image SpringGal5:
    Well, I've known her for a very long time. She can be fun to hang out with. Are you very subtly saying I shouldn't be friends with her lol?

    You sound like my niece when she was 11 years old.  She had a friend that bugged the crap out of her.  I asked her why she is friends with her and her response was: I've known her a really long time.  Like, since 1st grade! 

  • Actually, it was not so subtle.

    It just doesn't sound like you are getting anything out of this friendship. And life's short, you know?

    It sucks to lose a long term friendship; I had to admit to myself that a 13 year one was over a few months back.

    When she starts down the questioning road, you could always stop her and change the subject or ask her why is she is so concerned with your life, etc. If she is always a pain to be around, then I think you would want to reconsider the amount of time you spend with her.

    Hope is not a strategy.
  • I know you are not. I guess the latter. How do I deal with her 101 questions? And to the other poster, some people do value long-lasting friendships, but in time you have to maybe stop and say, well this person has become annoying lol.

  • image ZestofLime:

    Actually, it was not so subtle.

    It just doesn't sound like you are getting anything out of this friendship. And life's short, you know?

    It sucks to lose a long term friendship; I had to admit to myself that a 13 year one was over a few months back.

    When she starts down the questioning road, you could always stop her and change the subject or ask her why is she is so concerned with your life, etc. If she is always a pain to be around, then I think you would want to reconsider the amount of time you spend with her.

    So, I just stop all communication just like that? I mean she was just in my BP a few months ago. My husband is annoyed by her to, but thing is there have been times we have stopped talking, but she will keep calling and calling to the point where I just gave in and answered the phone. Things would be ok for a few months. Then it would be the same zillion questions. I know, I know, I just need to find new friends...

  • image SpringGal5:

    image ilovehouses:
    I don't call people friends if I don't want to share basic goals and details of my life.  Neighbors and such I would just continue to be vague.

    I get what you are saying.  But there's also some things I don't discuss, except with my husband. I'm talking about family issues, relationship issues and other personal things. Sorry, but I don't go around asking any of my friends how much they make, stuff about their sex life. I do think some things should be kept private. And if in a conversation it is soley based on personal questions, I would think you are just tyring to find out information.

    I agree, these are inappropriate topics to ask about, but you did not give these as examples. Your examples just seems like questions your friend is asking to better get to know you. If someone asks you how much you make - a simple response would be - "I don't think that's an appropriate topic to discuss" or "I don't feel comfortable sharing that information".

    You don't have to be friends with someone because you've known them for a long time. Relationships grow and change, sometimes relationships don't evolve at the same pace and that's when some friends are phased out. What is exactly is fun about hanging out with this friend? You seem to be more annoyed by her behavior than having a good time with her.

  • To be honest I don't find questions like "so what does your husband do exactly" or "where do you guys plan on moving" and whatnot very person questions coming from a friend...I thought you were going to say she asked things like "how much do you make" or something like that in which case I would answer with "sorry we don't talk about money with other people"

    but in your case I would just stop asking this girl over, you obviously don't like her and don't have anything in common with her, why do you hang out with her anymore?

  • I don't know that I'd flat out cut her off.

    I think that I would maybe just see less of her and see her in situations that you know will allow you to enjoy an evening better, like larger groups of people, so that you can talk to others and not have the conversation revolve around extremely personal things.

    The repeated calling on her part would absolutely drive me nuts.

    Hope is not a strategy.
  • The repeated questions resulting in a one-sided conversation would get tiring. 

    • You could make a joke: "This is starting to feel like the Spanish Inquisition! /laughing/ I want to know how your job is going.".
    • You can deflect: "That's an interesting question. Why do you ask?"
    • You can ask her the same thing: "We hope to move in 6 months. How about you, will you live her 'forever' or do you think you might move some day?"

    But if you find you have little in common with her, just start distancing yourself.  Sounds like your H was able to ignore her just fine.

  • STFU would do it for me.  Simple, quick, and to the point.
  • Another approach- if this is a friendship you really do want to keep, be direcct. "Friend, I love hanging out w/ you, but soemtimes you get into 20 questions mode and it gets tiring....".  Just bring her attention to it.
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • imoanimoan member
    10000 Comments Eighth Anniversary

    I don't think she's being nosey... it just sounds like she's trying to show an interest in your life.  I will pretty much answer any question because I'm an open book... that's just my personality.  I think it needs to be a combination of you being a little more open with your friend and her reeling how MANY questions she asks you at one time.

     

    image
    Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
  • image SpringGal5:

    image ilovehouses:
    I don't call people friends if I don't want to share basic goals and details of my life.  Neighbors and such I would just continue to be vague.

    I get what you are saying.  But there's also some things I don't discuss, except with my husband. I'm talking about family issues, relationship issues and other personal things. Sorry, but I don't go around asking any of my friends how much they make, stuff about their sex life. I do think some things should be kept private. And if in a conversation it is soley based on personal questions, I would think you are just tyring to find out information.

    Why don't you tell her exactly what you said up there? If she's really a friend, she'll get it. And if she's not, why do you want her in your life?
  • What would you rather discuss?

    Why not engage in conversation with her about topics you enjoy?

    Your examples don't sound all that personal to me, and when I get together with my longtime girlfriends (close enough to be in my bridal party) we're pretty much an open book. 

    If you two are that close, you should at least know how private the other is vs. not is. 

    You sound like a wet blanket and a cruddy friend.

    image image image
  • image Five_letter:

    What would you rather discuss?

    Why not engage in conversation with her about topics you enjoy?

    Your examples don't sound all that personal to me, and when I get together with my longtime girlfriends (close enough to be in my bridal party) we're pretty much an open book. 

    If you two are that close, you should at least know how private the other is vs. not is. 

    You sound like a wet blanket and a cruddy friend.

    Five_Letter do you know what you sound like? A witch.

     

    To the original poster, she does sound very annoying. And asking someone question after question after question, it sounds like she is intergorating you more then anything. How is that a conversation? There's a way to hold a conversation. It's none of her business how long you are waiting to have kids or why. Why don't you start asking her prying questions? Can you find something else to talk with her about? She probably just likes finding out information about people and sounds really draining.  I'd phase her out and find some new friends.

  • image Five_letter:

    What would you rather discuss?

    Why not engage in conversation with her about topics you enjoy?

    Your examples don't sound all that personal to me, and when I get together with my longtime girlfriends (close enough to be in my bridal party) we're pretty much an open book. 

    If you two are that close, you should at least know how private the other is vs. not is. 

    You sound like a wet blanket and a cruddy friend.

    I agree.  It sounds like she is desperately trying to engage you in conversation and you are just sitting there on the couch ignoring her.  I don't really think that asking when you are moving and what your H does for a living are really personal questions.  I mean she was in your bridal party for Pete's sake.  That's a pretty close friend in my book.   Maybe it's time for her to cut you out!

     

     

  • image imoan:

    I don't think she's being nosey... it just sounds like she's trying to show an interest in your life.  I will pretty much answer any question because I'm an open book... that's just my personality.  I think it needs to be a combination of you being a little more open with your friend and her reeling how MANY questions she asks you at one time.

     

    I kinda agree with this too.  It sounds like she is just trying to start a conversation with you.  What is she supposed to do, talk about herself the entire time?  I ask a few questions too when I am trying to start a conversation with someone or just trying to find something in common. 

    I had a friend like you where I felt like I was always the one who had to initiate a conversation because if I didn't we would just sit there in an awkward silence.  Finally I just gave up and didn't call her anymore.  Of course I later got the the whole " why don't you talk to me anymore" phone call.  It was just that I didn't enjoy her company.  She never asked me anything about my life, and when I did try to start a conversation by asking her  questions about her life, interests, job etc: she looked at me like I was giving her the third degree.  WTH am I supposed to do when I see her ?  Sit there in silence and stare at each other?  I mean, I know  I don't have to blabber all the time, but long silences are just creepy.  Well at least to me they are. 

  • image Star0582:
    image Five_letter:

    What would you rather discuss?

    Why not engage in conversation with her about topics you enjoy?

    Your examples don't sound all that personal to me, and when I get together with my longtime girlfriends (close enough to be in my bridal party) we're pretty much an open book. 

    If you two are that close, you should at least know how private the other is vs. not is. 

    You sound like a wet blanket and a cruddy friend.

    Five_Letter do you know what you sound like? A witch.

     

    To the original poster, she does sound very annoying. And asking someone question after question after question, it sounds like she is intergorating you more then anything. How is that a conversation? There's a way to hold a conversation. It's none of her business how long you are waiting to have kids or why. Why don't you start asking her prying questions? Can you find something else to talk with her about? She probably just likes finding out information about people and sounds really draining.  I'd phase her out and find some new friends.

    Did the OP just create an AE to defend/sympathize with herself? Any posters know how to sleuth it out?
  • Honestly, if she was in your bridal party she's under the impression that you two are close friends.  Close friends ask each other personal questions.  It sounds like the problem is more that she doesn't respect your differences and is giving unsolicited advice on what to do with your life.  (When to have kids, for example.)  This is grounds to end the friendship, not just because she's asking you personal questions because that's what close friends do.  And if she wasn't a close friend, was she in your bridal party just to fill a spot?

    So, yes, end the friendship, and ask yourself what it is you do want out of a future friendship.  Maybe you just want your H to be your friend, and everyone else to be an acquaintance.  (This is fine if it makes you happy.)

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