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My mom and my wedding video - vent

I got married last May, and had a wonderful, great day. We had an intimate wedding, so about 50 guests.
Planning was a bit difficult as my parents are very traditional, while I am not as much.

We got the wedding video friends made for us as a present this past weekend. I was listening to the video last night, and in one of the files, during the first dance, I can hear my mom.

Our wedding had no MC, it was more casual, but we did have a first dance planned, as well as a mother-son, and father-daughter song right after. I didn't have any plans for the first dance, besides opening the dance floor, dancing with DH. Well on the video, about 2 minutes into the song, my father in law decides to join us on the dance floor and also invites my parents to come dance with us. I thought it was a great way to end the song - both sets of parents and us on the dance floor. Well I can hear my mom saying to my father in law, "no we can't go it's their song, it's their dance etc". Then she gets up with my dad starts dancing (reluctantly), but I can hear her complaining to my dad while they are dancing about how father in law broke our dance etc and how annoying that was. SHe was saying it was "our" moment...I don't agree with any of that and honestly was so happy to have someone else there with us for the rest of the song - it made for great pictures.

I'm so dissapointed that my mom just couldn't see how happy and go with the flow I was on my day, and I could hear her complaining....on my wedding day. =(

Sorry for the vent, I'm just a bit dissapointed.

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Re: My mom and my wedding video - vent

  • Eh. Your mother sounds kind of rigid; and I get that that's annoying. Take the tape to a sound editor and get her voice edited out; it's not all that expensive, and you won't have to hear it.

     

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • She was trying to protect a special moment between you and your husband.  She had no way of knowing that it was okay with you, and she surely wasn't going to walk up to you on the dance floor and ask.  Could she have shut up and just danced?  Sure.  But she was upset because she thought it would upset you.  Sounds like a really nice mom.

    Let it go. 

  • I don't think you should take it like she's complaining. It sounds like she wanted to give you and your H some time alone. Yes, I realize that you're non-traditional and that you didn't mind all your parents joining in, but I don't think that her wanting to give you guys the spotlight for your whole song was really a bad thing.

    I'll give you the other side of the coin ... during my wedding, I was dancing with my father during the Father-Daughter dance, and all of a sudden I saw my mom dragging my brother and sister out to the dance floor and she started doing some kind of weird circle-hug dance with me and Dad. Eventually she walked away, but my dad whispered to me, "What the hell was that about?" And when we got the professional photos back, I saw that my mom was dancing with my brother during the rest of the song. 

    I love my mom, but I've always had some issues with her barging into my life and not giving me any personal space, and my brother and sister (and even our dad) have also commented that she's always got to be the center of attention. And believe me, I am not a person who craves the spotlight, but I also want to lead my own life and sometimes it's nice to have something all to myself. I was upset and angry (but not really surprised) that she also pulled that during my wedding, of all days. My sister commented to me later, "Why can't any of us just have our own moment once in a while?"

    So, yeah, maybe your mom felt similar to me about this, and maybe she was trying to give you and your husband your little moment in the sun. I'm not saying that you have to feel differently about it than you already do, but I'm just trying to give you another perspective. Plus pointing out that she's saying in the video that she wants you and your husband to have something for yourselves ... it's not like she's complaining that SHE wants something, know what I mean?

    It's funny how we both probably wish we were in the other's shoes :)

    image
  • Eh, let it go.

    In the grande scheme of life, this is pretty trivial.

    Hope is not a strategy.
  • Your friend might even have a program on her computer to do the sound over editing. If hearing her complain on it ruins it for your every time you play it, then get it edited. Sorry, she couldn't just go with the flow. Although, I give some blame to your FIL who insisted the parents dance.
  • Your mom isn't a mind reader for heaven's sake.  She probably thought that she was trying to protect your special moment and didn't want to intrude.  You could have just as  easily come one here complaining about how your parents and in laws tried to steal your limelight and imposed on your wedding dance. 

    My sister had a wedding this weekend and my mom was about to give herself an anxiety attack over trying to read my sister's mind and do what she wanted.  Weddings make people crazy and no one wants to be the one to "ruin" anything for the bride and groom. 

    Honestly I probably would have done the same thing if it was my daughter's wedding.  Just cut her some slack.  She probably didn't know that her voice was being picked up on the micrphone.

  • image FMIL&MOB:
    Your friend might even have a program on her computer to do the sound over editing. If hearing her complain on it ruins it for your every time you play it, then get it edited. Sorry, she couldn't just go with the flow. Although, I give some blame to your FIL who insisted the parents dance.

    Yes, she already edited it.

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  • image stw_77:

    Your mom isn't a mind reader for heaven's sake.  She probably thought that she was trying to protect your special moment and didn't want to intrude.  You could have just as  easily come one here complaining about how your parents and in laws tried to steal your limelight and imposed on your wedding dance. 

    My sister had a wedding this weekend and my mom was about to give herself an anxiety attack over trying to read my sister's mind and do what she wanted.  Weddings make people crazy and no one wants to be the one to "ruin" anything for the bride and groom. 

    Honestly I probably would have done the same thing if it was my daughter's wedding.  Just cut her some slack.  She probably didn't know that her voice was being picked up on the micrphone.

     

    That's the thing, my mom knows me SO well. I was just surprised that she thought I needed to be in the "spotlight", yes it was our wedding, but having such close families and a smaller ceremony, in my opinion, makes the day as much about the people attending than the people getting married. I said that to my mom 100 times over before the wedding. I even asked both parents to walk with me down the aisle, since they are both so important to me. I agree with the pp about letting it go. It's not like it keeps me up at night, I was just surprised to her her complain about my father in law and how he wasn't "behaving".

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  • I think she was just being a mom. I would be annoyed if other people barged in on our first dance but that's me. I don't care who you are. Since she does know you well, maybe she figured you would be annoyed which is why she was annoyed..
  • image skits_1:
    image stw_77:

    Your mom isn't a mind reader for heaven's sake.  She probably thought that she was trying to protect your special moment and didn't want to intrude.  You could have just as  easily come one here complaining about how your parents and in laws tried to steal your limelight and imposed on your wedding dance. 

    My sister had a wedding this weekend and my mom was about to give herself an anxiety attack over trying to read my sister's mind and do what she wanted.  Weddings make people crazy and no one wants to be the one to "ruin" anything for the bride and groom. 

    Honestly I probably would have done the same thing if it was my daughter's wedding.  Just cut her some slack.  She probably didn't know that her voice was being picked up on the micrphone.

     

    That's the thing, my mom knows me SO well. I was just surprised that she thought I needed to be in the "spotlight", yes it was our wedding, but having such close families and a smaller ceremony, in my opinion, makes the day as much about the people attending than the people getting married. I said that to my mom 100 times over before the wedding. I even asked both parents to walk with me down the aisle, since they are both so important to me. I agree with the pp about letting it go. It's not like it keeps me up at night, I was just surprised to her her complain about my father in law and how he wasn't "behaving".

    I still say she isn't a mind reader.  You were traditional enough to have a wedding dance so she just assumed you wanted it the way that 99% of the rest of the world does it.  Just because she knows you well, that doesn't mean that she knows every single preference, thought, desire or whim.  Please  just cut her some slack.  She wanted you two to have a nice moment.  That is all. 

    ETA: I can guarantee you that your mom wasn't the only one to complain about your ILs intruding on your wedding dance.  She just happened to be caught on the video.   It's almost as if you are looking for reasons to be upset with her. 

  • image ZestofLime:

    Eh, let it go.

    In the grande scheme of life, this is pretty trivial.

    I would have to agree wholeheartedly.

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  • You already had it edited out and you're still kvetching? Come on. Your mother didn't want your dance spoiled; and you're complaining she's not psychic enough to know you were ok with this and had the audacity to NOT mention it to you, but to whisper it to her dance partner?

    I'm sorry; you have got to let go; and you should learn, before you have children of your own, that mothers cannot read their children's minds.

     

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • And why does your bio say you're getting married on Aug. 28 2010?

     

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  • She may know you, but that still doesn't make her a mind reader.  Unless you TOLD her "I want people to join us", I think it's unfair to be upset w/ her.  I just do! 

    I was relatively untraditional w/ my wedding too.  1/2 way through our first dance, we had the entire BP join us.  We didn't do seperate mom/ dad dances-  we did a parents dance.  I didn't do the garter/bouquet toss.  Etc.  Heck- I didn't wear a veil! 

    Even so- there were traditional elements to the wedding, as there were at yours too, and people (your mom) want to make sure that the brides' toes aren't stepped on that they get the full experience. 

     

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  • Well, I had a friend who's wedding vidoe captured the father of the groom stealing cash out of the father of the bride's jacket.  The cash the father of the groom was going to use to pay the wedding vendors.

    You could have caught a lot worse than an uptight mom who didn't want to ruin your moment.

     

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • image livinitup:

    Well, I had a friend who's wedding vidoe captured the father of the groom stealing cash out of the father of the bride's jacket.  The cash the father of the groom was going to use to pay the wedding vendors.

    OMG

    That's cringingly funny in a "thank god it didn't happen to me" kind of way. What an awful thing to find out via video.

    Hope is not a strategy.
  • WahooWahoo member
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    In my wedding video, one of our guests (the wife of dh's business associate) was dancing while drunk and flashed her panties at DH. 

    I get annoyed whenever I see that video.

    It happens to all of us!

    Your mom didn't know she was being captured on audio/video.  Let it go.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • I think more people would be upset about having others dance during their "first dance" than not, so it sounds like your mom was just worried it would ruin your moment.

    Actually, I cringed when you said your ILs started dancing a minute or so into your first dance.    I wouldn't dare at a wedding...unless the bride and groom spell it out in advance that they WANT that.   Not that it's just OK, but they actually want it.   Otherwise, that is a moment you're not supposed to touch.

  • image donnycornelius:

    Actually, I cringed when you said your ILs started dancing a minute or so into your first dance.   

    Me too. This has nothing to do with how traditional or untraditional you are - you decided to have a traditional first dance and did not ask the parents to join you. Your mom had no way of knowing that you would be okay with them joining in, she was just trying to let you have the moment that you scheduled.

    This is one of the silliest vents I've read on the Nest.

  • I have to say, I kind of cringed as well when you said your inlaws joined in right away.  I am more like you in respect to being a bit untraditional, but unless you actually told them to join, that is pretty balzy...

     Also, even though your mom may have known you wanted an untraditional wedding and was having a hard time with it,  a lot of parents dream of the day they watch their little girl share her first dance and she may have just wanted to cherish the 3 minute dance on the sidelines.  I would let it go and actually appreciate her for saying something.

  • image Karen2905:

    She was trying to protect a special moment between you and your husband.  She had no way of knowing that it was okay with you, and she surely wasn't going to walk up to you on the dance floor and ask.  Could she have shut up and just danced?  Sure.  But she was upset because she thought it would upset you.  Sounds like a really nice mom.

    Let it go. 

    I agree. Sounds like she wanted that 'perfect special dance' just for you and your groom and folks were barging in and ruining it. Some moms are funny that way- they will get riled up if someone messes with their daughter's perfect day.

  • Your mom's intentions were good.  She had your best interest at heart and put you first.  Considering all of the things that can go wrong on your wedding day, I think this is minor. 

    Heck, I would've been happy just for the fact that your mom had your feelings in mind and didn't know that was something that you were ok with.  I specifcally asked my family to not do their traditional "cake in the face" at my wedding, and my aunt still thought I was OK with her putting icing on my face.  Regardless of how something is done, why still move forward with it after you've been asked not to?

  • Did you actually tell your mother that you wanted the parents to come out?  It sounds like your in-laws just spur of the moment started dancing, and it's normally considered a huge faux pas to just walk out and start dancing during the bride and groom's dance unless specifically invited.
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  • I agree that your mom was trying to help you by not cutting in and taking away from your first dance.  I'd be glad she was trying to do the right thing for you rather than trying to take away your spotlight.
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  • image MrsP7309:
    Did you actually tell your mother that you wanted the parents to come out?  It sounds like your in-laws just spur of the moment started dancing, and it's normally considered a huge faux pas to just walk out and start dancing during the bride and groom's dance unless specifically invited.

    This.

    I went to one wedding where the couple started with their first dance and in the middle of the song, the DJ invited the parents to come up and dance with the rest of the song. But that's how the couple had planned it.

    But I would never get up to dance until the couple finishes their first song or we are invited to do so.

  • She was trying to keep that moment special for you.  Why are you upset about that??

    Its good that it didn't bother you, I personally would have been a little peeved if my FIL would have taken it upon himself to start dancing during our first dance.  DOn't let it bother you that she was complaining and was just trying to look out for you and make sure you were happy.

    "You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness."
  • >>Also, even though your mom may have known you wanted an untraditional wedding and was having a hard time with it,  a lot of parents dream of the day they watch their little girl share her first dance and she may have just wanted to cherish the 3 minute dance on the sidelines.

    Yeah, that.

    Plus, your parents were the hosts of the wedding, and if someone was going to "break in" or "join in" and encourage others to also break in / join in, it should have been YOUR PARENTS who were HOSTING the wedding.

  • One way or another, this shouldn't be an issue that "sticks". Don't let it stay in your heart or your mind for long. There are some things that happen in our lives that warrant the grief, frustration, stress, and anger that comes naturally to us. This isn't one of those times.

    Example: my MIL left our reception early because her friend, who had driven with her, was cranky and wanted to go back to the hotel. My FIL didn't come to the rehearsal because he and his wife didn't want to leave their dogs home alone/with a neighbor.

    It could always be worse.

    image
  • A little annoying to listen to I am sure.  You can probably have a videographer fix it so you can't hear her, just the music.
  • I'm not super-traditional.  I really dislike being the center of attention.  But if someone had barged into DH's and my first dance, I would have been PISSED.  Like - seriously, what a bonehead thing to do unless you've been specifically invited by the bride & groom. 
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