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Had a little chat with H about niece last night

I posted on here a month or so ago about H's neice and nephew being allowed to say whatever they felt, and also about neice wanting to sleep with us.  Just mainly wanted to say thanks for the advice and give a brief update...

Last night, H came home from a visit with his family and he was telling me that his mom told him she and his sister were talking about how his SIL and B raised their children, and they think SIL is a bad mother.  It didn't sit well with me, even though I love my MIL and SIL (really H's whole family).  MIL had the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom, and his sister has no children.  H knows that SIL and B are good parents and I think he kind of defended them a little to his mom.  SIL works full time, takes care of her kids, loves them, does things with them, gives them structure, and she still finds time to keep an immaculate house.  Although I don't agree with the way they do a thing or two, they are very good parents and SIL is a wonderful person and a good mother. I pretty much told H that I don't want to get in the middle of the family drama, but I kindly pointed out to H that MIL and SIL have never walked a mile in SIL's shoes and they had no idea what it was like.  

I used that conversation as an opening to discuss the smart mouth/manners issue, and H really understood what I was saying.  I encouraged him to talk to them when they say things like that and try to correct it.  They adore him, so they'll listen to him.  If I say something, they might feel "picked on" because they truly do not know any different. He really listened and said he would take notice and talk to them the next time.  Of course, I pointed out that they are good kids, and my kids have faults too, and no kid is perfect. 

Then H brought up keeping them for a few days so they can go to VBS with us and I said that I could put my boys in the same room for a few days and neice and nephew could sleep in my son's room.  I just kinda put it like, DN is WAAAAY too old to be sleeping with us or with my boys.  Since they are brother and sister and he's pretty young, I thought it would be okay for them to share a room. H said that would be fine. He also told me they were all 3 play wrestling and he noticed DN was starting to get boobs, so he quit playing that and started playing something else with them.  I just replied that no one wants to see them grow up, but we have to accept it.  I think he gets it. 

Anyway, didn't mean to write a book.  I just wanted to give a quick update and say thanks again for the advice.   :-)

Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Re: Had a little chat with H about niece last night

  • Good update; glad the conversation went well.

    Cute dogs, BTW. ;)

    Hope is not a strategy.
  • It just felt like a great opportunity to bring it up and it did go very well. 

    Thanks.  They are my sweeet babies!  (That pic is about a year old.)

    Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
  • Glad you were able to seize the moment for your talk with hubby.  It is best to talk about these things when we are not reacting "in the moment". And I agree - cute doggies.
  • Thank you.  :-)  Yes, that's why I waited so long to talk to him.  I didn't want to bring it up out of the blue and ruffle any feathers.  It was a perfect opportunity and I really think he'll talk to them.  They're good kids and their parents are great people.
    Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
  • You wrote a lovely update but I can't help but bristle at the discussion and analysis that SIL is a "bad mom".

    SIL works full time, takes care of her kids, loves them, does things with them, gives them structure, and she still finds time to keep an immaculate house.  Although I don't agree with the way they do a thing or two, they are very good parents and SIL is a wonderful person and a good mother. 

    What nerve.  Remebering 25+ years ago and not having children do not qualify you to judge. STFU.

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • Yea, really!  Apparently, a part of it is they think she's too strict...  She made a few mistakes when she was younger, and I think she's trying to prevent her kids from making them. She's not abusive or anything like that.  A lot of the problem is that they have not been able to get past her mistakes.  MIL also didn't like that they were taking a cruise for their 10th anniversary and not taking the kids. (We take some trips without the kids, and some with them.) SIL supported her H when he wasn't working, so she's obviously dedicated to her family.  She is a awesome person!  MIL and other SIL are great too, but MIL is bored, lonely and has too much time to sit and *think*.  I love H's mom, sister and entire family, but I try to keep a little distance.  I don't want to get caught up in all that, and I will not listen to them talk about SIL like that. Everyone has different parenting styles.  I'm certainly not a perfect parent - no one is. I don't have perfect kids - no one does.  I'm sure they have an opinion of me also, but I don't know it and don't care to.
    Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
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