This is probably going to be long but I'll do my best to abbreviate....
My parents divorced when I was 13. I'm now 32. I've been married for almost 2 years and have an 8 month old son.
My mother and I have always had a hard/terrible relationship and as I got happier (married to a great man, had a baby) she ramped up her manipulative behavior, started backstabbing, talking about my husband behind our backs to the rest of my family, etc. When my son was born I had asked her repeatedly NOT to come to town until after he arrived to give me and DH some time to adjust (honestly I really didn't want her in my face at the hospital and I knew she woudln't respect my wishes). Long story short, she INSISTED that she come to town on my due date "in case something happens, I need to be here!!". So she did, I was induced 2 weeks later and ended up having a C/S. She left town w/ her boyfriend the NEXT DAY. Basically she bargedi nto the hospital room 20 minutes after DS was born, claimed rights as the first grandparent to meet him and then fled town when I needed her. This is how she has been my whole life. She also announced her "engagment" to her current BF the day before my wedding - it's been 2 years and they are still not married. A month later she sent me a big email guilting and harping on me and I was so fed up that she was making my child's birth all about HER - it was the last straw. I haven't spoken to her in about 4 months.
Ok, so then - my dad and I have gotten along very well since I moved in w/ him at 13. However since I've gotten married I"ve noticed that perhaps my dad only liked having a daughter who was a little girl/teenager and doesn't respect my relationship w/ my husband nor respect that I am an adult. He treats my husband like some 16 year old boy I brought home. He is always trying to one-up him and be "the man in my life". He also flew into a big fit for not being "included" in the birth of my son. Um...hello? You're my dad. You're not looking at my hoo-ha for 34 hours while I try to squeeze a baby out. Anyway he called me in the hospital and yelled at me the night my son was born. My husband basically wrote him off at that point.
So - I am clear that I probably need serious counseling. I think my mother is a sociopath and my father is a narcissist. I'm armchair diagnosing them - but I'm serious.
Once they started messing with my husband/family life and then my son I couldn't bite my tongue and play their toxic games anymore.
The problem - I cannot stop thinking about my parents and wanting them to love me and give their approval. WTF?! Does anybody have any advice on how to move past all this? I cannot afford counseling right now (my DH and I just moved across the country to get away from my family). My brother is going through the same things w/ both our parents - strangely he is engaged and happy now too. It's like they are out to get us. Are they so miserable they cannot stand to see us happy? I don't understand and I'm terrified that these toxic relationships will dominate my happy life with my husband and baby.