Relationships
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Romance & work

just a thought..Does anyone believe that a relationship can work at the office?

Re: Romance & work

  • Not in most settings. It's unprofessional and 99% of the time will cause problems for one or both parties in the long run.

  • No, it really can't. Sorry.

    There are a lot of reasons why not.

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    It worked for me!

    I think you need to plan ahead of time "what if this ends?" or "what if this ends badly"  In my case, neither of us would have to leave our jobs (even if/when we got married).  However, I really wasn't happy at the company, so I felt "if this doesn't go well, I could always leave" (I had been looking for a new job anyway).  Also, neither dh nor I had the kind of personalities where we would bring our personal problems to work.

    You also have to plan that this will be the ONLY guy you go out with at the company, or else you'll look like a skanky 'ho!  But I hadn't dated anyone at the office in the prior 3 years of working there, so I had an ok reputation.

     

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  • Eh, I think it depends.  On the maturity of those involved, what exactly your positions are at work, if you actually work in the same department or just for the same company, etc.

    At my old company, I can think of 5 couples off the top of my head who all met and are now married and some even have kids.   I know there are more, but these are the ones popping to mind.  Granted, I don't know the ins and out of their marriages, but as far as I can tell- they are all very happily married.

    None of them, though, worked directly together.  That might be a part of why it works.  A little distance!  And I'd have to say that for some of the couples (that I actually worked w/ at least one of the parties when they started dating) - they did a good job of keeping it really low key until they figured out if it would work or not. 

    Reality is- once you become a working adult, it's hard to meet people and work can be a great source.  So to out and out lump all work relationships into "bad idea" - well, you're cutting out a potential source for finding someone.

    BUT- again, I think it has to be handled w/ maturity, some discretion, and you do need to make sur eyou aren't breaking any company rules (like most companies do have rules against a subordinate and boss dating - rightly so).

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  • image EastCoastBride:

    BUT- again, I think it has to be handled w/ maturity, some discretion, and you do need to make sure you aren't breaking any company rules (like most companies do have rules against a subordinate and boss dating - rightly so).

     

    ECB's got it. 

    I know several married couples that work in the same office or school and there doesn't seem to be any problems.  But there is a huge difference between marriage and "romance" (read: dating or casual sex). 

    Maybe a good rule of thumb to judge whether a person can handle dating in the office scene is to look at his or her relationships with their ex's.  If there's lots of drama, hard feelings, mind games, etc... then dating in the workplace probably wouldn't be a good idea.  If there's a history of peaceful, clean break-ups in the past, I would have more faith that it could work. 

  • I met DH at work, we've been married 6 years. We only worked at the same office together for about 9 months and most of that time we worked on different schedules. I was one that said I would NEVER date anyone from work because I have seen girlfriends do it and it seemed to turn into a disaster. Honestly I still don't recommend it, there is such a high probability that it will lead to problems. I knew DH was the one and luckily it worked out!
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  • My H and I met at work.  He was in sales and I was a customer service manager.   We've been together for 10 years now (married for 3.5).  It really depends on what your company policy is and how the two of you act.  We rarely interacted at work and I never treated him any differently than anyone else (like never gave his customers priority when it came to customer service issues and never got involved with work related things between him and his own direct supervisors).  We also never came into work together or had lunch or breaks together while at work.  There was also no official policy about interdepartmental dating.  The rules specifically referenced dating direct supervisors which I wasn't, so we weren't technically breaking any rules.    As far as I know, none of the other managers knew about it and we never said anything until the Boston office closed.  We 'came out' at the closing party.
  • At my last job, the building I worked in had 1500 people. The site had 15,000 people overall.

    I dated a guy whose desk was a 25+ walk from mine.  At least 3 married couples worked together in my building.  Logistically, all of these were fine.

    As long as everyone acts like an adult - before, during and after - it can definitely work.

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  • I dated a guy I worked with in college for 3 years.  He was a manager and we kept it on the down low around the other management.  I married him 2 years later.
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  • H and I met at work, flirted for months and had our first date the night before our location closed and we were being moved to separate locations.  Would it have worked if we stayed in the same building?  I don't know, but we ended up moving in together a month later.
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  • It depends on the size of the company and the maturity of those involved.
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  • I'd avoid it like the plague.  I've done employment law, and it almost never works out well.  Then someone gets sued.
  • Speaking from personal experience, yes it can work. It is just important to know to leave your personal life at home and to not let fights and arguments get to you and effect your work.

    Also, I think what helped me alot was we did sit down and have the big "what if" talk and discuss what we do if we were to break up or anything like that. Jealousy is also a big part, try not to let jealousy get in the way at work such as if someone favors you over the other, one gets a raise and the other doesn't, I also don't favor him over other coworkers, vice versa.

    We keep it to ourselves and keep it strictly professional while in the office. Occasionally we go out to lunch and we text/email throughout the day, but no one is aware that we are dating and we do NOT let it affect our work in anyway.

     I mean it honestly depends on the person, situation, and workplace.If it's meant to be, then there should be no problem.

     :) Good luck.

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  • Yes.  We worked directly with eachother.  Once management found out, they put us on different teams.  We knew that would happen.  There are several couples (married or dating) where we work and I've never known of any issues with any of them (doesn't mean there weren't, but if so, they were very professional about it).

    We keep it professional and it took quite a while before anyone really even knew we dated.  If you keep it professional at work and don't talk about your relationship with co-workers, it can definitely work out.

  • There are a lot of details that would allow the relationship to either work or not.  Does the person you are dating have power specifically over you or your job or vice versa?  How closely do you work with them - same department?  I personally, could never date anyone that I worked with just because of "office politics".  I find it hard to even have "real" friends at work simply because of gossip and seeing them day in day out makes one become tired of them.  If I were dating a guy and it didn't work, I really would not want to chance bumping into them in a place that I had to go to.
  • I have had a long lasting relationship that did work for a while at work and now a husband that had once been my boss. 

     In the previous relationship, we worked together, lived together, did EVERYTHING together. Which was probably the ultimate demise of the whole thing. I wanted more space and he didn't. When I decided it was time to call it quits, I had to do some major planning before I gave him the old heave-ho. I had find a new job, ASAP. Then line up a new living situation... and so on and so forth. There was no way that I could have left him and then showed up to work the next day like nothing happened.

    Leaving him was one of the best things I could have done! In my new job, I was re-introduced to my now hubby. As a matter a fact, the very first thing I was asked to to in my new job was to call him. We worked across the hall from each other for almost 2 years when he decided to pursue his life long dreams. And marry me, of course!

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