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MIL still doesnt approve?

Ladies, I just dont get it. Me and my hubby almost been married for a month and MIL still doesnt approve of the marriage. What seems to be the problem? I wasnt a problem when I was the girlfriend and now I am because I am the wife now. My hubby is the youngest of her sons, but he is NOT a mamas boy that for sure. She has three other boys. She didnt smile at the wedding at all, she look sad all freakin day of the wedding.She always called him to do something for her at the house, now dont get me wrong, i dont mind him doing things for his mother but, she always calls him. He has a twin who stays at the house with her, why dont she ask him? he is not helpless. She never acknowledge me as the wife lately, she just say hey and keep it moving. She has his family thinking one way of me but when they actually meet and speak to me they see a different person than what she portrays me as. I am to the point where I dont want to go to his mother house for anything. I dont wanna be that way because that is his mother, I just dont know how to handle this. I am to the point where i just dont care for her. Now I havent told everything that she has done because it will be a novel by the time I am done lol. Any of u ladies deal with crazy MIL?
BabyFruit Ticker

Re: MIL still doesnt approve?

  • GBCKGBCK member
    Ancient Membership Combo Breaker

    she didn't approve of the marraige before the wedding...why exactly are you expecting her to approve now?

    Sure, it's frustrating, but you can't MAKE her approve, quit being a PITA or anything else.  You don't have to like her either...you just have to be civil and be on the same page as your husband on how to hanlde thing.s

  • Well mils are crazy, and hurtful sometimes. I believe they know exactly how to push a new wife's buttons. I am close to the year mark, and I swear each day she does something else to anger me. Recently, she was alright with my mother and grandmother staying at her house, but allowed other people to stay at her house. To make matters worse, she let the bomb drop about 12 hours before their departure. I am so livid, but their is more. She actually had our nieces, her granddaughters, call to see if we wanted to come over and play. Mind you, this has all happened in the last 24 hours. I really believe this woman will kill our marriage. By the way, we were best friends from the beginning, now we are foes.
  • Oh, I forgot, she uses every chance, family functions or conversations with strangers, to discuss when I should be pregnant. Really, how rude can a person be? I feel like asking how her sex life is with her husband because it is very similar. She already has a child-care plan for my child. What a b****! Does she not think I can do that my self. I am a grown-up, and I teach for a living. I am not stupid. For that matter, I should tell her if she wants a grandchild in the next 5 years, she should be a surrogate.
  • What is her real reason for not liking you or what reason does she claim? I guess she doesn't necessarily have to have a reason, a lot of MIL's are crazy.....I'd be polite to her but leave it at that, if she didn't like you before the wedding she isn't going to like you now. If anything she'll even be more upset because now you all are married and it's "official". Be polite and I'd try to avoid her as much as possible.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • i have the same problem except she is now hating me because we brought a house and moved out.
  • You don't need her approval. As long as you and your husband are happy, don't worry how she feels. There's a lot of reasons she may be unhappy but those are her problems. Is he the last one to get married and move out? I know the twin brother is there, but she always relied on your husband? She may now feel she's no longer the center of attention. Or it may be reminding her of the fact that she's not getting any older and time is quickly flying by. None of that you can help her with. She has to get through it on her own.

     

  • You said that you have been married less than a month - has her behavior changed, since the wedding?

     

  • She hates that her precious son has married a woman with lousy grammar. She'll hate this till you learn yourself some better.

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  • Uh huh. another H problem and not a MIL problem.

    And his problem is that he can't stand up to his mother. It's his fault that he permits himself to be at her beck and call 24/7.

    Is this a cultural problem, perhaps? I am guessing English isn't your first language; correct me if I am wrong.

  • Why does she have to approve of your marriage? Why does anyone have to approve of your marriage, for that matter?

    I couldn't care less if anyone approves or disapproves of how I live my life.

    Hope is not a strategy.
  • image Sue_sue:

    She hates that her precious son has married a woman with lousy grammar. She'll hate this till you learn yourself some better.

    bahaha. 

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  • you are right ladies, i shouldnt care what she thinks. Thanks for the advice
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • image Sue_sue:

    She hates that her precious son has married a woman with lousy grammar. She'll hate this till you learn yourself some better.

    I 2nd this!

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  • image LynDel:

    You don't need her approval. As long as you and your husband are happy, don't worry how she feels. There's a lot of reasons she may be unhappy but those are her problems. Is he the last one to get married and move out? I know the twin brother is there, but she always relied on your husband? She may now feel she's no longer the center of attention. Or it may be reminding her of the fact that she's not getting any older and time is quickly flying by. None of that you can help her with. She has to get through it on her own.

     

    Ditto..who cares if she approves or not. You didnt' marry her. Only see her when you have to, like I do with mine. It may not be anything personal, but just that she wouldn't like ANYONE who married her son....

  • image LynDel:

    You don't need her approval. As long as you and your husband are happy, don't worry how she feels. There's a lot of reasons she may be unhappy but those are her problems. Is he the last one to get married and move out? I know the twin brother is there, but she always relied on your husband? She may now feel she's no longer the center of attention. Or it may be reminding her of the fact that she's not getting any older and time is quickly flying by. None of that you can help her with. She has to get through it on her own.

     

    Ditto..who cares if she approves or not. You didnt' marry her. Only see her when you have to, like I do with mine. It may not be anything personal, but just that she wouldn't like ANYONE who married her son....

  • You have no obligation to reach out to this woman. She should have been welcoming YOU into the family. But since she's not, you could always try being the peacemaker. Look around at their house, see what they seem to enjoy and surprise her with a gift. A favorite wine, a movie they don't have but talk about, etc. Invite her to lunch, and downright FORCE her to talk about herself the whole time, ask her questions about growing up and meeting her DH, and give her a big hug when you leave.

    No harm will come out of it. Just keep in mind that she might not reciprocate, but maybe if your acts of kindness will melt that barrier she has. 

    It could greatly improve your quality of life for the next 50 years.

  • image GBCK:

    she didn't approve of the marraige before the wedding...why exactly are you expecting her to approve now?

    Sure, it's frustrating, but you can't MAKE her approve, quit being a PITA or anything else.  You don't have to like her either...you just have to be civil and be on the same page as your husband on how to hanlde thing.s

    agreed.  sorry sweetie.  I've been dealing with this for nearly 5 years.

  • Sounds like my MIL. She kept telling people our wedding wasnt going to happen, then told everyone she didnt get to help (she kept insisting she didnt want anything to do with a wedding that wasnt going to happen). She stll doesnt speak directly to (after 8 years of H and I being together). I got over it along time ago. She doesnt have to like you. Try your best to deal. Hopefully your H supports you!Good Luck!
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