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Stuck in a rut

Me and my dh live at my MILs garage apparment, worst move ever. The first two months of living here were fine..but then we got a puppy and ever since then she is driving me crazy. Always telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing with my puppy and she comes over to my house when I'm at work and just takes her. She will annoy my dh untill he does what she says. I think we need to move, i'm scared to think of what will happen once we deside to have kids. My dh does not want to move and just thinks that I should try to innore all the stuff my MIL does. I love her but I don't think I can handle living here anymore, I always feel like she is watching me and always knows what we are doing. Evertime I play with my puppy out side she comes out...ughh I really need some advice....

Re: Stuck in a rut

  • with my puppy and she comes over to my house

    WRONG! this isn't your house it is an apartment in HER house!

    If you want to play grown up you need to have your own place, not live with mommy.

    Of course he doesn't want to move...he still lives with mommy.

    Of course he wants you to ignore her, that is what he does before he gives in to her.

    Here is my advice...if you are married you don't live with mommy. You get your own place and act like the adults you are supposed to be.



  • Move out now.  You also have a DH problem, not a MIL problem.
    Natural m/c @ 6 weeks - 3/1/2013 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Things are only going to get worse as long as you continue to live with your MIL.  Why did you move in with her & why did you marry a man that still wants to live with mommy?

    You need to tell your H that you are moving out and he can come with you or not. 

  • Unfortunately, most, if not all, boundaries go out the window when you live with someone else.

    I honestly don't see your MIL doing anything wrong.  She probably likes the company she has with the dog when you are gone all day.

    It's not your house.  it's hers.  Do you pay rent? 

    If you want privacy, you need to get your own place.

    I think the biggest "rut" is your marriage.  Not your living situation.  Your H refuses to move.  You need to reevaluate your relationship with your husband.  I'm sure this is not what you want to hear but this will be the key to all the responses you get


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    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image MrsMammay:

    Things are only going to get worse as long as you continue to live with your MIL.  Why did you move in with her & why did you marry a man that still wants to live with mommy?

    You need to tell your H that you are moving out and he can come with you or not. 

     

    ITA with all of this, and share the curiosity as to why you're living there in the first place.  It's not going to get better, and ignoring it is not going to help. 

    Find a new place, and get there quick. 

  • He doesn't want to move speaks volumes about him.  Please don't have kids. You guys ARE still kids.  Save some money, get good jobs, and move out on your own.
  • Why did you move in with your MIL?
    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • I'm betting that the only advice you are going to get from people on this board is to move out. 

    I'm guessing that saving money was a big part of your decision to move in with MIL in the first place.  If money is tight, why-oh-why did you get a puppy?  The money you're spending on the puppy could better be saved for an apartment.

    Now you have a terrible living situation with no boundaries and a dog which will make it more difficult for you to find a new apartment.  You have made some very foolish decisions.  It's time to take control, make the hard choices that go with being a grownup, and decide whether to keep the dog and where you should live.  If H is not on board, you need to seriously re-evaluate your marriage.

  • One thing I didn?t say?It is our apartment. We pay our own rent and my MIL rents she doesn?t own. We don?t pay her we have a landlord. We moved here because we got a great deal (a garage & we have a huge yard so we could get a puppy) The Garage apartment is not attached to her house. We both have really good jobs money is not the issue.
  • image sprince1:
    One thing I didn?t say?It is our apartment. We pay our own rent and my MIL rents she doesn?t own. We don?t pay her we have a landlord. We moved here because we got a great deal (a garage & we have a huge yard so we could get a puppy) The Garage apartment is not attached to her house. We both have really good jobs money is not the issue.

    Me and my dh live at my MILs garage apparment,

    So, which is it?



  • As PP said most people on here are going to just tell you to move out, and obviously that may not be able to be something that happens immediately (but should ASAP).

    So, for the short term..

    1) Are you paying rent on this apartment? If so you should have you own set of locks and some sort of tenant/landlord agreement that she can only come in when you are given prior notice, and for a good reason, not just because she wants to play with your dog.

    2) You want to go outside with the dog w/out having her bug you, check to see if there are any dog parks in the area. Not only will this help you get some space away from MIL, it will help socialize a young dog as well.

     These are just some thoughts for the time being, but do try to get out of there soon.. there's nothing worse than a smothering MIL.. trust me, I know!

  • image symphony4586:

     

    1) Are you paying rent on this apartment? If so you should have you own set of locks and some sort of tenant/landlord agreement that she can only come in when you are given prior notice, and for a good reason, not just because she wants to play with your dog.

    Ok, then skip that, ask the landlord for a seperate lock and key and DO NOT give it to MIL.. problem solved!

  • image sprince1:
    One thing I didn?t say?It is our apartment. We pay our own rent and my MIL rents she doesn?t own. We don?t pay her we have a landlord. We moved here because we got a great deal (a garage & we have a huge yard so we could get a puppy) The Garage apartment is not attached to her house. We both have really good jobs money is not the issue.

    Riiiiight.

    If money isn't an issue, then move.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • image Lissa832:

    image sprince1:
    One thing I didn?t say?It is our apartment. We pay our own rent and my MIL rents she doesn?t own. We don?t pay her we have a landlord. We moved here because we got a great deal (a garage & we have a huge yard so we could get a puppy) The Garage apartment is not attached to her house. We both have really good jobs money is not the issue.

    Riiiiight.

    If money isn't an issue, then move.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

    If it was up to me we would have already moved. My dh is thinking about it, we make our decisions as a couple so i'm simply waiting on him.

  • image sprince1:
    image Lissa832:

    image sprince1:
    One thing I didn?t say?It is our apartment. We pay our own rent and my MIL rents she doesn?t own. We don?t pay her we have a landlord. We moved here because we got a great deal (a garage & we have a huge yard so we could get a puppy) The Garage apartment is not attached to her house. We both have really good jobs money is not the issue.

    Riiiiight.

    If money isn't an issue, then move.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

    If it was up to me we would have already moved. My dh is thinking about it, we make our decisions as a couple so i'm simply waiting on him.

    Translation - DH is a spineless momma's boy who doesn't have the balls to tell mommy that he and his wife need to move away because of her constant meddling.

    Pumpkin, he is going to drag this out forever.

    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • I don't know if I'm understanding this right, your MIL isn't the owner of the apartment building you live in correct? So why does she have a key to your place? Do all the units have the same key or did you give her a copy?

  • image sprince1:
    image Lissa832:

    image sprince1:
    One thing I didn?t say?It is our apartment. We pay our own rent and my MIL rents she doesn?t own. We don?t pay her we have a landlord. We moved here because we got a great deal (a garage & we have a huge yard so we could get a puppy) The Garage apartment is not attached to her house. We both have really good jobs money is not the issue.

    Riiiiight.

    If money isn't an issue, then move.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

    If it was up to me we would have already moved. My dh is thinking about it, we make our decisions as a couple so i'm simply waiting on him.

    You're really not making a decision as a couple though.  He is pretty much standing his ground.  You are miserable and he knows that, but he'd rather live near his mother than to make you happy.  To me, that isn't making a decision as a couple.  He is doing what he wants no matter your feelings.  You could easily rent an apartment elsewhere but he refuses to budge.

    You shouldn't have to "wait on him" 


    image

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Then the issue is you're both immature and not ready to be out on your own without someone's mommy...
  • Then why don't you make a plan with your MIL and the puppy.  Don't you think it is better for the pup to have you MIL minding her than being kept in the apartment.  Giving access is surely preferable than her taking it. 

    As for the rest, just tell her what you want.  Ask questions about what she wants and listen.

    If you both have apartments in the same complex this conversation is expected and overdue.  Just talk to her.  I'm sure she'd be mortified to be thought of as such a nusance.

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • I don't think that everyone is getting the whole "garage apartment" thing. Apparently, her MIL lives in a house that she rents from someone, and that house has a detached garage with an apartment overtop of it, in which the OP and her DH rent from the same landlord. That's fairly common in the midwest. So they're not living with mommy, just close to mommy, like living next door. 

    OP, you need to sit down and have a frank discussion with MIL, and tell her what IS and ISN'T acceptable. NOW, or you'll regret it. 

     

  • image Emmii's Ocean:

    I don't think that everyone is getting the whole "garage apartment" thing. Apparently, her MIL lives in a house that she rents from someone, and that house has a detached garage with an apartment overtop of it, in which the OP and her DH rent from the same landlord. That's fairly common in the midwest. So they're not living with mommy, just close to mommy, like living next door. 

    OP, you need to sit down and have a frank discussion with MIL, and tell her what IS and ISN'T acceptable. NOW, or you'll regret it. 

    It sounds like MIL has a key to their apartment though. That makes it a DH problem, not a MIL problem. Well, lots of things make it a DH problem, but that makes it official.

    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • My MIL does not have a key.
  • image sprince1:
    My MIL does not have a key.

    Then how is she getting into your apartment? 

  • She comes outside every time you're out with the puppy and she takes the puppy when you're at work...doesn't she sound lonely to you?

     

    It sounds like a nice situation for your puppy, who would otherwise be alone all day, but you obviously need to spell out your expectations with her.

     

    Good luck...I think you have lots of viable options!

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