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i feel lifeless.

I feel like everything in life is going the wrong way. First of all, I haven't seen my FI in a year!!! (Long Story). I will probably see him in a month or two, but I am feeling weird about it. I mean I haven't seen him in a long time and I know I love him, it's just I feel like there is something missing because I can't physcially be next to him, it's rather annoying.

 Another thing is my friends. I had a best friend in school, but in like tenth grade she moved to another state. Well today she comes into my work and she is with someone, and tells my heyyy, and mentions me as "the girl she went to school with." I mean yah i know that it was middle school but I felt kind of offended. I mean I tried keeping in touch, but I guess she didn't want that.

 Another friend I have has really been getting on my nerves.

She has recently become friends with this one guy (honestly only really known him for like three months). It's like she is his babysitter. He has his own apt (that his dad pays for), all he does is parties, and it really doesn't seem like he cares about much. He needed a new apt and she was like omg omg i have to go find him a new one, he lost his books for school, she goes calling people to see if they have any. She even started cleaning his toilets (she doesn't even clean the toilets in her own house) by the way, this toilet is where people throw up and usually miss the target, and were the go to the bathroom and miss also because they are probably too drunk. For school, I have to remind her what needs to be turned in, if I don't do something she gets mad. She also recently threw her friend a surprise bday party and did not even invite me (we have been friends since like 5th grade) she kept talking about how fun the party was going to be, but no invite. I heard from an outside source when it offically was going to be, and called her and was like oh ******* is having a party, shes like yah who told you, and i told her and was like its not like i heard it from you. Shes like what is that supposed to mean?! Then still doesn't say anything!

I don't really feel like I have any true friends and really feel lifeless. I feel like I am losing everyone that is close to me, or I thought that those that matter don't really matter anymore. I kind of want to go talk to someone and maybe even go to pre-martial counseling (my FI and fight about little stuff but I feel like it will help us). I've just felt really sad and depressed lately

 

Re: i feel lifeless.

  • In regards to the friend in another state, having both friends that moved away and being the friend who moved away -- it's pretty difficult when you're busy with new jobs, schools and people to maintain contact.

    While I still talk to my best friend at least once a week, the closeness from before has distanced itself. We're both at a very busy part in our lives and trying to maintain a friendship two states away is hard.

    But, it does sound like she made no effort and for that, I'd let her go. Especially considering she wasn't even addressing you as a friend, rather an acquaintance.

    My question is: why haven't you seen your fiance in so long?
  • I just wanted to say, your son is SO cute!!!

     Well it's really a long story, but I guess I can sum it up. I got engaged a year ago, (like I said in another post, some think its arranged because our parents introduced us) I love my FI but it's still really hard with the distance and all.He is bascially waiting on papers so he can come to the U.S. which still need like 60 days or something.

  • Being out of country is a pretty good reason for not being able to see you. Especially with the cost of travel now.

    I hope you're giving your relationship time around each other before marrying though. People in long distance relationships have much more opportunity to portray themselves one way and be something completely different.

    Thanks for the son compliment. I think so too, but we all know how much bias I can have. =)
  • You need new friends, period.

     Have you tried these:

    Volunteering for a common cause
    House of worship group (if applicable)
    Your college alumni association
    Professional organization related to your job
    Joining a gym
    Joining a coed sports team
    Signing up for a class or learning a new sport (try coed beginners' tennis lessons, a softball team or volleyball)

    These are to name a few.

     When the meeting/lesson/whatever is over, say "I'm going to the diner for a cup of coffee and something to eat; who wants to join me?" Don't be afraid to extend an invitation.

    Good luck; the best way to make new friends is through a common cause.

  • I hope you're giving your relationship time around each other before marrying though. People in long distance relationships have much more opportunity to portray themselves one way and be something completely different.

    We are planning on getting married in two years. He wants to get married in a year but i feel like the more time we have together the better it will be for the both of us and for our future. I am currently in Taekwon-do and love it because the people there are really nice.

  • The others on the board will probably say it but I'll kindly soften the blow (I hope): 19 is way too young to marry. This was probably also your first boyfriend.

     Do yourself a favor and postphone this wedding: there has not been enough interaction with your FI -- there's a lot here at stake: has he been around in a crisis? Does he have a good job where both of you can be supported by his money in the event you cannot work? Same goes for you: can you support him and you on yoru paycheck if something happens where he can no longer work? Is he overall-y dependable?

     These are just to name a few.

    Food for thought.

  • I vaguely remember your previous posts, so I know you aren't going to listen to any of our advice, but if you aren't happy without your FI you aren't going to be happy with him. You are at the age where your "school" friends will be dropping like flies, because life happens. People grow apart and find different interests. You need to be finding your own identity and discovering what makes you happy, what hobbies you enjoy, etc.
  •  If you aren't happy without your FI you aren't going to be happy with him. EXACTLY!!!!!

     Why are you deciding to get married so young? Even at 21, that will still be young.

    At 19, you are at an age where you are going to lose touch with old friends, but make new ones, that enjoy the things you enjoy, as you will also find what you like and what you don't like will change in your early 20s. Instead of feeling lifeless, go and enjoy life! You have barely been on this planet and at 19, you should would be out there exploring new things and new people. I believe it's called FINDING YOURSELF!

  • Read WendyGR's post carefully and take it to heart. That's really good and important advice.
    image
  • Honestly, don't bother with this one. She's 19, determined to get married to some guy she barely knows and every point of reference she makes is from when she was in high school.

    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • Yes, I understand that I am young and I think that's why I think twice about where I am going in my life. My FI is fincially stable. I love my FI I never said I was not happy without him, I just feel like there is something missing and feeling sort of anxious about finally seeing him again, thats all.
  • What kind of a job can somebody about your age have that he's "financially stable"? Nobody that young is exactly bringing home the thickest of paychecks.

  • image inLOVE__x:
    My FI is fincially stable.

    What the hell does your fiance being financially stable have to do with your lack of maturity?

     I just feel like there is something missing and feeling sort of anxious about finally seeing him again, thats all.

    Maybe the thing that's missing is your opportunity to become a well-adjusted, mature adult by staying single for a few years and growing up instead of rushing into a marriage with a near-stranger so you can play Look at Me, I'm a Grown-Up!

    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • Nesties, don't even bother. this girl won't listen to any advice. She posts this same post about very 6 weeks, we all give her good advice, and she doesn't listen.

    Honey it's because you are 19. This is what being 19 feels like.  Break up with your FI, move to a new city, live on your own, figure out who YOU are.  In a few years, you MIGHT be ready to get married.But right now YOU ARE NOT READY.

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I am considering your advice, it really has got me thinking. He is 25 and is a dentist, the reason why i said that is because someone said something about will you guys be able to supoort each other or something like that.

     

  • I remember your post from before. I agree with PPs, that you are too young to get married even at 21. But if you are determined. You should at least be in college somewhere. That is usually a great place to meet new people. Are you in school?

    image

    Off to the beach

    DS 7/18/2010
    Handy 2.0 Due Early August

    2011/2012 Races
    12/17/2011 Christmas Caper 10K
    2/11/2012 Have a Heart 5K
    3/17/2012 DC RNR Half Marathon
    4/22/2012 10M Parkway Classic
    10/28/2012 Marine Corps Marathon
  • Yes, I go to school and made it really clear to my FI that I will stay in school to get my degree in pharmacy.

     Half of me agrees with you guys, and wants to be single and live life and go and travel

  • image inLOVE__x:

    Yes, I go to school and made it really clear to my FI that I will stay in school to get my degree in pharmacy.

     Half of me agrees with you guys, and wants to be single and live life and go and travel

     Well, then why don't you do it?....There is no requirement that you get married by the time you hit 21 or right after you finish school.

    Go to school, meet people...do you feel like you have to get married because otherwise FI won't be allowed in the country? Or because your parents want you to?

    It's your life and you will have to live with the consequences. Do you have a good idea of what FI will be like on a daily basis? What is the longest period of time that you have been together? How long have you known him?

    image

    Off to the beach

    DS 7/18/2010
    Handy 2.0 Due Early August

    2011/2012 Races
    12/17/2011 Christmas Caper 10K
    2/11/2012 Have a Heart 5K
    3/17/2012 DC RNR Half Marathon
    4/22/2012 10M Parkway Classic
    10/28/2012 Marine Corps Marathon
  • It has nothing to do with my parents or him being allowed in the country. I really do love him, he is the sweetest guy ever, but i feel like its not as easy as just saying, okay heres the ring back, see you in 10 years when im ready.

  •  Half of me agrees with you guys, and wants to be single and live life and go and travel

     

    ALL of you should want to get married if your going to get married.  If even 10 percent of you wants to be single and go travel, it will NEVER work.  You should never ever get married when you have things you will regret because of it.  If you two are meant to be, you will end up together in the long run.  Go to school, travel, have fun, meet new guys and then when you feel accomplished and fulfilled, ask yourself if you really want to be married to this man or not.  But don't make that desicion before then.  

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Getting Pregnant"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt13ed0f.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>
    [IMG]http://i47.tinypic.com/ehuzk.jpg[/IMG]
  • image inLOVE__x:

    but i feel like its not as easy as just saying, okay heres the ring back, see you in 10 years when im ready.

    It's even easier. You say "Here's the ring back, period."

    If you don't do this and wind up miserable, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • image inLOVE__x:

    It has nothing to do with my parents or him being allowed in the country. I really do love him, he is the sweetest guy ever, but i feel like its not as easy as just saying, okay heres the ring back, see you in 10 years when im ready.

    It should be. You are under NO OBLIGATION to get married. It is your life and you get to make the decisions. You should not be getting married if you are not ready. It is simple as that. This is a lifelong commitment and you shouldn't make it when you are not ready just because you are afraid of hurting his feelings or because that he might not be there when you are ready!

    PS it doesn't have to be 10 years. Live your life for the next 5 years and reevaluate whether you are ready.

     

    image

    Off to the beach

    DS 7/18/2010
    Handy 2.0 Due Early August

    2011/2012 Races
    12/17/2011 Christmas Caper 10K
    2/11/2012 Have a Heart 5K
    3/17/2012 DC RNR Half Marathon
    4/22/2012 10M Parkway Classic
    10/28/2012 Marine Corps Marathon
  • Seriously, the problems you are having with your friends are problems that everyone has when they graduate high school/start college/start drinking. And it's ok to have immature problems and fights with your friends about crap like that because you're only 19. That's your maturity level (I went through the same petty stuff when I was your age). But if you're at that maturity level, you're not at the right mindset to get married. Have fun, be stupid, discover who your real friends are. And then once you find your way on your own, start thinking about settling down with someone for the rest of your life.

     But don't force something that obviously doesn't feel right, just because you would be embarrased to give the ring back. He knew what he was getting into when he proposed to someone that was still in high school.

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