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AARRRGGGG!! MIL from HADES!! (very long part 1)

Please help me!  Am I being unreasonable to be upset about some actions my MIL has taken?  The trouble actually started 2 years ago and has been buildingever since.  My DH and I have been married 4 years as of Wed.  I have a DD from a prior marriage.  She is almost 11 and DH has fully accepted her and she considers him her "real" dad.  MIL and FIL were great with her until 2 years ago when I got pregnaant with our son.  Summer of 2006, MIL tells DH that she is taking "all" her grandkids to MI to see my oldest BIL and his wife.  Please note, oldest BIL and wife are perfect and can do no wrong.  Their daughter is the fave grandchild. Anyway, we were excited because we were building a new house which was supposed to close 2 weeks before my due date and we had some work to do.  We knew DD would be bored and this trip would be a great alternative for her.  Anyway, turns out the trip only included my middle BIL's kids.  My DD was not included in the trip. I was mad but did not say anything.  When she came back, she diod have what she called "Cousins' camp" and my daughter was invited.  My DD was very excited as she really likes her cousins.  The kids all stayed the week with MIL and the Saturday after this, some of my DH's close friends were hosting a babyshower for us.  My parents drove in and my parents and my DH and I all stayed in a hotel as MIL's house was packed with kids.  SIL from MI also flew in for shower and to pick up her DD.  Sat. AM, my parents and my DH and I had breakfast together before heading to MILs house.  The hotel we stayed at was clear accross town from MIL's house but she got mad that we did not invite her to breakfast with us.  Later that AM, before the shower, I took my DD out for a snowcone to find out how her week had gone.  She started crying and told me MIL had been mean to her and made her do a lot of chores while the other kids did not have to do anything.  She also stated MIL spanked her several times when it had not been her being bad.  I was LIVID but again kept my mouth shut.  I later told DH about it and he also got very mad.  We left after the shower and I did not have much to say to MIL for some time.  Fast forward to Sept.  We moved into new house over Labor Day weekend, whih was also my birthday.  I was hugely pregnant, it was hotter than hades and I was tired.  MIL threw a huge fit because I would not organize MY new kitchen how she wanted it.  I had also spoke to my DH about wanting to be the first to use new kitche.  I mean, how often do you get a brand new kitchen?  I wanted to break it in.  Well, school was of course starting and DD needed clothes and supplies.  DH suggested she and I have a mommy/daughter day.  We went shopping and got mani/pedis and had a fun time.  Well, we come home and my MIL is in my brand new kitchen frying chicken on my new ceramic top stove.  Grease is everywhere.  She had also taken the liberty of re-arranging my kitchen so she could reach everything (I'm 5'11, she is 5'0).  Again, i was furious but chose to ignore her instead of saying things I might regret.  I did not eat her meal.  I went to my bedroom and did not come out for the rest of the night.  They went home the next day.  A week later, I went into labor.  They were called and came.  MIL and FIL had been told waaayyyy in advance that no one was going to be in the delivery room but DH and I and DD would be the first visitor.  When MIL got to hospital, she threw a huge fit when the nurse would not allow her into the room.  She KNEW she would ne be allowed until after DD had got to hold baby 1st.  We also got a huge surprise in delivery as 2 sonos, one at 36 wks, indicated baby was a girl.  "She" came out with extra parts.  MIL was mad that she was not the first to know.  At this point, I just don't care anymore.  I am thrilled that we have baby boy as we both wanted a boy.  MIL threw one of her very typical "I am just going to leave and never come back" fits when I asked her to leave at 9 PM thst night.  I went into labor at 9 PM the night before and I was tired.  I wanted sleep.  So, when she said the I am just going to leave thing, I said "There's the door, don't let it hit you on the way out."  That shut her up. So things are bad at this point. Anything I should have done differently?  I will continue story in next post. 

Re: AARRRGGGG!! MIL from HADES!! (very long part 1)

  • I don't even have to read the next post.

    Stop keeping your mouth shut to keep the peace. NO ONE should hit your daughter and that's when your DH should have stood up for you.

    You don't have a MIL problem, you have a DH problem.

    (That is null and void if the next post is about DH standing up to her...)

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    Even the upper crust can make a typeos.
  • Agreeing with PP!
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  • And remember: use paragraphs.

    When the problem began 2 years ago, you should have ENDED it 2 years ago, by demanding your H be more proactive with his mother and that she stop the bull right there.

     It didn't happen.

    Enjoy many happy months seething while your MIL walks all over you because your H didn't speak up and show his mother where it's at.

     I am also betting she's been a problem since you started to date this ballless wonder you proudly call an H. What did you think? All of this interference his mother was causing would magically vanish when you said I Do to this guy?

    When this mess began, it should have been nipped in the bud by her son. You have an H problem, as everyone's very aptly pointed out.

     And if somebody treated my child like dirt, that would be the end of that person. She should have been banned from your lives there and then. What's your daughter and son supposed to get? a complex, thanks to "grandma"?

    Your daughter and son will also grow up under the premise that it's just fine for Daddy to let Mommy be used as a doormat.

    What you should do: In the presence of your MIL, turn to your H and demand that he tell his mother to cut the sh!t once and for all -- because it hurts you and YOU COME FIRST, not his mother.

    I am willing to bet he won't do it. In which case, pack this jerk's bags and send him back home to live with his mommy. Apparently he's not grown up enough and he still needs her guidance and tutelage.

  • You're being passive aggressive with your MIL. ?If she does something that upsets you, then calm down and raise the concern with your H and with her. ?If FMIL ever spanked our future children, she would lose any right to see them. ?If this was my daughter, your MIL would not be spending time with her alone. ?I disagree with the way FFIL and his wife raised FI when he was in their house (they always made him feel unwelcome) and I don't like the way they interact with their grandkids (plop them in front of the tv, yell, feed them junk), so we have already agreed that our children will not be around them unless we are there to supervise. ?If I were you, I would also sit down with my H and work up reasonable ground rules, then approach MIL and let her know what they're going to be. ?No spanking, equal treatment for DD with her cousins AND with your new son. ?If she can't treat DD and your son equally then she can't see either of them. ?Your H is your DD's Dad, she doesn't need to spend her life feeling inferior and left out because of his mother's actions.
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