Trouble in Paradise
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Separating

My husband and I have decided to separate.  I won't go into all the details or reasons because it is irrelevant, I just have a few questions.  I know I need to speak to an attorney, but since I can't do that today I figured I would see if anyone was around to give me some general info.

He will be leaving and I will be staying in our house, since I have a two-month-old and nowhere to really go.  But I can't afford the house on my income alone.  I know he will have to pay some type of child support, but I'm sure that can take a long time to work out.  Is there anything I can do in the meantime to ensure that he helps out, or is that not his problem?  I'm thinking he will probably be willing to anyway for DS's sake, but you never know in this type of situation.

Obviously my main concern is my son.  With a child so young, what type of visitation is normal?  I can't imagine breaking his routine every weekend or anything like that.  Not to mention that I can't imagine being away from him.

I feel so terrible because I keep thinking I am ruining DS's life.  I don't know what we will do financially.  And I feel like his life will be more complicated.  But, in the end I know this is the right thing, and my happiness is more important than money or what people think.  I just hope someday he will understand.


 

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Re: Separating

  • I have never been through this have so I can't give you advice. But my parents were divorced when I was 3 years old. I just wanted to assure you that you are not ruining your son's life. Being in a happy, single parent home will ultimately be better for him than an unhappy, dual parent home.?

    Good luck to you!?

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  • Sorry you are going through this right now especially so soon after baby.

    Take a deep breath and know that it will be ok eventually and things will work out.


    You will have to sell the house if you cant afford it...and  split any profit.

    do you have family around you that can help?

    are you emplyed?

    your H will get visitation if he wants it! there is no way around that. and it could very well be every other weekend plus some...that you have to accept. and get used to. yes, you will miss your son, but so will your H when you have him.

    your son wil be fine as long as you and H keep all things civil and cooperate with each other. fighting is the thing that hurts the kids...not so much the divorce itself,.

    a lot of us here have gone through it...i did it with 3 kids! it is rough very rough...but it really does get easier and you will be happier eventually!

    please feel free to use the girls here as a sounding board or for advice

  • I am separated with a 1 1/2 year old.  My H and I had the same concerns about upsetting her routine at such a young age.  We read some articles and spoke with our counselor and both said to try and keep her overnights in the same home.  My H takes her in the morning and brings her back at bedtime.  We live close enough that it's easy to do.  As she gets older she will do overnight visits.

    It does have it's drawbacks.  He gets to go out and do whatever he wants after he drops her off, but I do go out once in awhile.  You won't get as much freedom, but I don't want that.  I want what's best for my daughter.  So far this has worked out well for us.  It all depends on what you and your H will agree on.  Our separation has been civil, so we are able to talk about what's best for her and agree on everything.

  • I'm sorry you are going thru this.  From what I know, definitely see a lawyer.  If the separation is legal, there will be terms outlines for temporary child support, alimony (if appropriate though most states are no-fault and therefore have pretty tough rules on what it take to get alimony), payments, etc for mortgage.


    Good luck.

  • A lawyer will more than likely help you guys come up with a separation agreement which will lay out most of your concerns, including child support. First things first, look up what the child support standards are in your state and ask your x for that now.

    As for the visitation, from what I understand, most judges wouldn't do an every other weekend type of situation with one so young and it may be that your x wouldn't want to do the midnight feedings anyway so he may not even ask. However, if he does, I would look into seeing if there is a friend you can stay with on those weekends. I understand that you may not want to leave the house, but it would be the easiest thing for your baby if he could stay in a familiar place.

    Or I would recommend to your x that he get at least a two bedroom apartment and set up a nursery for your son similar to his bedroom at your home. It should have everything baby needs so that you don't have to pack up everything whenever visitation comes around.

    But definately discuss your concerns with a lawyer. If you have no money for one, I would consult a lawyer but not hire one but only because legal aid in most states will only help once you are in proceedings but not help you file them. If that's the case, wait until he files first. But I would call around and ask though to be sure.



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