Trouble in Paradise
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Post Wedding Breakdown?

My H and I have been together for 9 years now-friends first, dated for awhile, I was always slightly marriage phobic so was happoy cruising right along. No one was more surprised when he popped the question than me, but I decided hey lets do it. It was blissful-for the first 2 months or so, and then all of a sudden it was like being married to another person. Now he goes out all the time, runs around, is extra secretive, moody, distant, and really into things he never was before. Like new music, new fashion, new ANYTHING for the sake it seems, of it being new. Anyone experience this before? It feels like a midlife thing but from being married I guess, or from the shock of it maybe? I am dumbfounded.

Re: Post Wedding Breakdown?

  • Whoa! these are NOT normal signs of any type of adjusting to marriage.

     His behavior and what you are describing is a big red flag -- he's out all the time and is secretive? This sounds like an affair's going on.

    Might I ask why you're putting up with his behing out all the time and why you're putting up with the moodiness and distance?

  • After reading your post (and watcing waaaay too much Grey's last night) I'm wondering if he has some kind of tumor.

  • Wanting to try new things sounds like midlife crisis... by ceo dad decided to play the drums and bought a motorcycle when he turned 45. ?Secretive, moody and distant? ?Always out? ?Thats not normal, and I wouldn't chalk that up to the shock of marriage. ?I mean some people want to make sure they can still be independent after they are married, but the way you talk makes it seem like more than that...
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  • Sorry before jumping on the mid life crisis band wagon I would need to know his age...You don't go through mid life in your 20's, what you do do is expand your likes and wants and you do that throughout life.

    There is nothing wrong with expanding your interests, at any age. What is wrong is not consulting your partner and keeping her in mind as well. Have you talked to him about all of this? What was his responce? Also, you say he is secretive - secretive about what?

     

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  • Now he goes out all the time, runs around, is extra secretive, moody, distant, and really into things he never was before. Like new music, new fashion, new ANYTHING for the sake it seems, of it being new

     

    He's cheating!

  • image sugarmag13:

    Now he goes out all the time, runs around, is extra secretive, moody, distant, and really into things he never was before. Like new music, new fashion, new ANYTHING for the sake it seems, of it being new

     

    He's cheating!

    Would be my guess too.  I'm so sorry.  It sounds like what I went through when my xH was cheating.  Please go to www.survivinginfidelity.com for help, guidance and support.

  • Ditto sugarmag13 & Denverbride.   

  • I'm not sure what to tell you, but I would said I rarely post on any board because people can be very negative and really can't judge your relationship on one post.  So I don't know if he's cheating or not, you really need to talk to him and get some answers, I've found listening to people who don't know me or my situation, just makes things more stressful
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers Teterboro 5K 7/16/11 23:22 Tenafly 5K 6/5/11 26:48 1st in age group and stroller division Teterboro 5K 7/17/10 24:42 Lincoln Tunnel 5K 4/25/10 28:18 4 1/2 weeks pp Teterboro Airport 5K 7/18/09 22:35 3rd place age group 4 1/2 weeks pregnant Long Branch 1/2 5/3/09 1:51:07 Lincoln Tunnel 5K 4/26/09 22:22 NJEA 5K 11/7/08 22:30 2nd place age group Westchester 1/2 10/12/08 1:50:16 Teterboro Airport 5K 7/19/08 23:43 Long Branch 1/2 5/4/08 1:54:18 Giant Stadium 5K 4/26/08 error in timing Hackensack 5K 10/14/07 23:55 1st place in age group
  • image megann831:
    I'm not sure what to tell you, but I would said I rarely post on any board because people can be very negative and really can't judge your relationship on one post.  So I don't know if he's cheating or not, you really need to talk to him and get some answers, I've found listening to people who don't know me or my situation, just makes things more stressful

    What would you do if your H was up to the same act? Just wondering.

  • ask HIM what the hell is going on
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers Teterboro 5K 7/16/11 23:22 Tenafly 5K 6/5/11 26:48 1st in age group and stroller division Teterboro 5K 7/17/10 24:42 Lincoln Tunnel 5K 4/25/10 28:18 4 1/2 weeks pp Teterboro Airport 5K 7/18/09 22:35 3rd place age group 4 1/2 weeks pregnant Long Branch 1/2 5/3/09 1:51:07 Lincoln Tunnel 5K 4/26/09 22:22 NJEA 5K 11/7/08 22:30 2nd place age group Westchester 1/2 10/12/08 1:50:16 Teterboro Airport 5K 7/19/08 23:43 Long Branch 1/2 5/4/08 1:54:18 Giant Stadium 5K 4/26/08 error in timing Hackensack 5K 10/14/07 23:55 1st place in age group
  • image megann831:
    ask HIM what the hell is going on

    Cheaters lie.  It's what they do.  I asked.  He lied.  99% of the people I know who have been cheated on were also lied to when the asked. 

  • Thanks so much for your words of advice. To answer your questions, he is 29, and I should have clarified that while we have been together for awhile, we have only been married 1 year, this behavior only surfaced a few months after the wedding. Since this post I found out both from him and a group of friends that witnessed pieces, while sex was not involved (yet? assuming this is true, liars are liars and will lie about anything and everything) he has definitely been seeing a certain someone on the side. Testing the waters, so to speak and freaking out turning 30 and getting married right around the same time. Ridiculous. Not at all the man I thought he was nor man I was with for years. He is acting like someone completely different right now, a douche I want to waste no more time with and so I going my own way.
  • P.S. Special thank you to Denver Bride for the website referral, I have been checking it tonight and it really helps to identify some of the "common" side effects of this, as goofy as that may sound. Helps to hear the stories people have gone through, I appreciate it. I hope your new marriage is more then you ever hoped it would be.

  • I just found your thread and was reading through it, and I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

    I also wanted to add (although it might not help you much now) that I went through a similar situation in which I found my ex engaging in behavior that was a non-negotiable for me.  Not necessarily a physical affair, but something that I couldn't tolerate nonetheless.  I just wanted to tell you that you will make it through and be fine, although times may be tough right now.  I have moved on and am engaged to a kind, respectful man...I hope the same will happen for you too, when you are ready!

    Keep smiling and take care of yourself!

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Thank you for your kinds words, it is sweet of you to that and I sincerely hope so! I was so happy for 9 years with this man not married...crazy all that time lost...oh well moving on now. Huh?

     I wish you the very best in your new marriage, congratulations!Party!!!

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