I wish I had a great relationship with my mom. I wish she was there for me when I needed her. I wish I could trust her to watch my kids. I wish she wasn't married to a [email protected]**.
I just had to get this out because I was on FB and my sister posted how she was sick and mom came to rescue/take care of her/take care of her kids, moms are great, blah, blah, blah. This would never happen for me. Honestly, I think I remind her too much of my Dad, but I'm still her daughter. I don't think I'd abandon (some of) my kids because cancer took my H.
Plus, I was looking at some posts from some family friends we grew up with. The mom and daughter talk all the time. After the dad of that family passed away from cancer, the mom moved back to the state where her family is from and the daughter stayed here, is married with kids, etc. The mom has pics of herself on FB having fun, looking good, looking happy and healthy. MY mom is aging beyond her years and is sorta confined to the house because of her controlling dumba**, not because of her health. I wish all these things for my mother - happiness, youth, friends, fun. She has none of these any more and she's a very social person so it's like her personality is just wasting away. She's only in her fifties and should not be living like she's in her nineties. My grandmother has more of a life than my mother. It's frustrating that she won't change things, but she doesn't want to be lonely and it probably wouldn't change our relationship anyway.
Another friend's mom just flew to TN to visit her and she's having a blast, a couple different friends went to the KY Derby with their moms and had fun...it goes on and on. I hope to be that sort of mom. I long to have that sort of mom, but I got screwed.
Oh, and cancer totally sucks too. I haven't been able to respond to all the cancer posts lately, but it is definitely the devil. Okay, I'm out. Glad I got all of that out.