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Dh vent (long)

Dh came home today to tell me his hours at work have been cut.  A little background, he was laid off when we bought our condo (2009), when we returned from our honeymoon, and right before Christmas this year.  Each time he says he is going back to school to get some sort of degree to help him.  I know it is a bad economy and having a degree doesn't guarentee a job, but I am bullsh** that he still hasn't ever gone or even taken one class.  I make more money and I don't make that much.  We were planning on buying a franchise, so he says he still wants to do this.  Well it will cost $3000 for the franchise and about $500 for supplies and we were planning on taking out of the $ saved for day care when we get pregnant.  That was all fine and good when the monthly checks could go right back into that account, but now we will barely be able to pay bills and won't be able to put any $ into that account.  I am just fed up that we are going through this again and he isn't really doing anything to help safeguard himself from it happening in the future.   I am nervous that the rest of lives will be like this and I don't think I can do it.

If you read this, have a cookie or a drink if you can.

TTC since Jan. 2010 DX Unexplained infertility
3 IUI's w/Clomid & Ovidrel=all BFNs
3 IVF (2 Fresh, 1 frozen) =BFN
New RE IVF#3=BFP!
Love, Marriage, and Baby Carriage!
Anniversary Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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Re: Dh vent (long)

  • FWIW, this is not meant to be mean. I just don't really understand your OP, and we don't know what kind of discussions you two have previously had on the subject. Here's my take: 

     1. Lots of people were laid off in the past year, but it sounds like he keeps getting brought back on to the job. That's a good thing IMO. It sounds like they just don't have enough work to sustain paying the whole staff all the time. maybe a part-time gig to help fill the gaps?

    2. When was he supposed to be getting this degree? In the three time periods when he was temporarily laid off? How was he supposed to pay for said education if you don't seem to have the money to begin with? It sounds like the degree and the franchise are ideas that you two came up with to remedy the situation, but neither of you really know how to make it happen. Maybe he doesn't know what to study/ is nervous about going back to school and not having income at all and further upsetting you?

    3. What is it that makes you think this will go on "for the rest of your life"? The fact that it's been happening for a year now in bad economic times? I don't know if that's really fair.

    4. "he isn't really doing anything to help safeguard himself from it happening in the future" The two of you should be working on this together. DH and I have been saving like fiends in case I need to stay home with our potential babies at some point (meaning 1 less income in our household), or that I have a harder time finding a job when we move next month, etc. His employment issues are BOTH of your responsibility as a couple, and getting fed up and pointing fingers isn't going to help anything. You'll only make him regress even more and good luck getting any resolution once the lines of communication are cut. Seriously, just talk to each other, calmly and respectfully and make a plan that you can realistically stick to. Share with him your fears and let him tell you his and start to figure something out.

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers 
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers 
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    After 22 cycles and 4 failed IUIs, Serafina joined our family through IVF/ICSI, born 8.28.12
    Surprise! The Sequel is due 12.8.14!

  • I agree with PP you both need to sit down and talk about what it is you want for your future. Make sure you are both on the same page. And remember this economy is horrible right now so you can't go pointing fingers. Now if this was a problem way before the down turn of the economy then you guys really have somethings to talk about. HTH,
    image image
    IF Buddy's with the fabulous LnA5909!!
    Myomectomy Sept.09 removed/fibroid the size of a cantaloupe. Began ttc March 2010.
    HSG clear/ S/A normal. July stopped tempting.
    First IuI, Clomid and Ovideral. 8/14 and 08/15=BFN!
    Second IuI, Clomid and Ovideral. 9/13 and 9/14=BFN
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/ssthompschart
  • Thank you both for responding so calmly to me.  When I first wrote the post, I needed to get it all out.

    He has had a habit of getting laid off prior to the economic downturn.  He doesn't see it as much of a problem since this is what happened to his father all of his life.  Since we started dated about 4 years ago, his father has had four different jobs. 

    I understand he couldn't get a degree in this amount of time and we couldn't pay for it outright.  I definitely consider student loan debt to get an education as good debt.  We have been working together and filled out applications and he has gone to meet with advisers and signed up for classes, but never  attended.  If school is not the thing for him fine, but he has no desire to make a plan for the future.  He is an unskilled laborer and has bumped from warehouse job to warehouse job.  

    We are trying to work together with savings, but right now we are lucky to get $50 a month in savings with what we both make. We are both trying and have talked and will make through it.  HOwever it gets hard when I have been working two jobs and going to grad school for the past five years and he still has no clue what he wants to do "when he grows up," as he puts it.

    I know you ladies really can't help here except for advice, but I just needed somewhere I could unload and I feel comfortable with you ladies.

    TTC since Jan. 2010 DX Unexplained infertility
    3 IUI's w/Clomid & Ovidrel=all BFNs
    3 IVF (2 Fresh, 1 frozen) =BFN
    New RE IVF#3=BFP!
    Love, Marriage, and Baby Carriage!
    Anniversary Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    imageimage
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