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More XH drama....

My XH and I have been divorced for over a year but separated for almost 4. We have a son together and we usually get along pretty well. Every now and then we have a spat and we're at each others throats.

Well, the last time we had a spat he had brought my son to soccer for pictures and no uniform. I had given him a bag with everything my son needed to wear and said as I gave him the bag "he needs to be in this at the soccer field at 530 for pictures" Well, when my son showed up not in uniform I was furious. Then he tells me I never told him he had to be in uniform and he ends up cursing me out. I told him that he didn't have the right to talk to me like that anymore and his exact words to me were "as long as I have f'ing lips on my face, I'll talk to you however the fvck I want" I just walked away because I refused to get into something with him at my sons soccer field.

So, back to present day, summer time is coming up. My son goes to my ex in laws during the summer while I work so I don't have to pay for daycare. Well, my XH and the ex inlaws do not talk. He refuses to have anything to do with them. So, in the past I have always gone out of my way to help him out to see our son. I'm tired of doing it. My thoughts are if you want to see your son, then you need to suck it up and go get him. So, I just relayed this thought to my ex and he was livid. Once again, started cursing me out and I'm sick of it.

How am I suppose to get it thru to him that he cannot talk to me like this anymore? I'm sick of it.

Re: More XH drama....

  • You can't. He is going to talk to you however he wants. Email him from now on, so you can have everything documented and then ignore his response. Don't answer phone calls from him. If he starts up, just walk away or ignore.

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  • image swtangelastar:

    How am I suppose to get it thru to him that he cannot talk to me like this anymore? I'm sick of it.

    Well, you can't make him cahnge, but what I would say to him is "I'm willing to work w/ you if you're willing to be respectful to me.  But as long as your curse at me and are rude to me, I'm not going to work with you.  So, the choice is in your hands.  Be respectful towards me, show our son how adults should treat one another, and then I'll consider helping you out w/ seeing him over the summer.".
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • Posted too soon.

    It's treating him kind of like a kid, but to show him there are consequences for his actions.  He's going to be an a$$ to you?  Then you aren't goign to be nice to him.

    It's all a 2 way street.  He wants your help?  Then he can be nice to you.

    And ditto the above- DOCUMENT as much as you can.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • WahooWahoo member
    Ancient Membership 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker

    It's not your job to go out of your way for your XH.  That might have been your role when you were married, but guess what?  You don't have that job anymore!

    Stop talking with your XH unless it relates to finances (child support issues) or issues specifically dealing with your son. 

    I agree with ECB.  Let your XH know that there are consequences for his actions, and one is that until he learns to behave himself, you will not be helping him out.  And let your XH PROVE through his actions that he has changed, don't help him out based on promises.  If he is supposed to pick up your ds from child care, and he doesn't - oh well! He missed his chance! 

    At the same time, realize that your XH is irresponsible and self-centered.  Next time, if you are planning on going to the soccer game anyway, bring the uniform yourself.  When you  bring it, it kind of shows that XH isn't responsible enough on his own, so you don't have to say anything, just make sure your child gets his uniform (or whatever he needs for a school trip, etc.) for the photos.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • e-mail is your friend.

    Print out any instructions for your son.

    You can't control him or how he speaks to you - period.

    You can control how you respond to his behavior.  Keep your behavior a shining example to your son.

  • I agree with previous posts. 

    I would add that your son can probably take responsibility for some things himself.  If you tell your husband that he needs to be uniform for soccer pictures, also remind your son that before you drop him off and let him know where the uniform is.  He'll remember.  As far as your husband is concerned, the less things you need to communicate to him, the better.

  • I agree you need to keep communication with him at a minimum.  And treat him like a child.  Telling him once may not be enough.  Next time send him a reminder text.  And even then if it's something that needs to get done maybe you should make sure ou do it yourself. 

    Good news is the older your son gets the less communication you will have to have with him. 

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