Family Matters
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Help

I need help. I have a 13 year old sister in law (she will 14 in July). I'm a little less then 10 years older. I want to build a good sister relationship with have the kind of relationship that a big sister has with a little sister. She has a cousin that she kinda close that is 5 years younger than me. But the cousin has a steady bf that is well over 3rs away who she visits often and her parents are starting to get divorced so shes gone a lot i know that bothers my SL,

We have gone out once just the two of us to see Alice in wonderland 3d.  And it went really well. But it was a little awkward in some times.

I've had some MAJOR problems with her mom, to the extent of her over hearing me say it was none of her f*ing business (it wasn't any of her business)

But in about 2 years Hubby and I will be moving about 2 hrs away and i know its important to him to keep her in his life, its important to me as well and I want her to b comfortable at out home (kick off you shoes come out the shower in you bath towel comfy) 

I just dont know where to really start. Our how to go about it.

 

Some other info that may be helpful. 

she just got her first bf, loves music, loves playing instruments, and is ver active, and sociable

Re: Help

  • She likes music and musical instruments?

     Then you have your work cut out for you.:)

    Find some inexpensive concerts and chorale concerts --- usually colleges and community choirs sponsor them and they're for cheap.

    Same goes for college musical productions --- tickets are for cheap.

    Keep a running list of what's upcoming and invite her along. There you'll have even more of a common thread.

  • Does she want to have a big sister/little sister relationship with you?
  • In two years, you want your 15 yo sister-in-law to take her shoes off and wear a bath towel out of the shower in your home?

    Why?  So you're the cool older siblings?

    Give yoursleves a break.  She'll respond to your welcome when it's offered.  Or not.  Teenagers tend to be wildly volitle and unpredictable. Especially when their mothers have hostility for you. 

    Stop trying so hard and you'll see these relationships flourish much better.

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • I'm a younger sister/SIL. My brother is 15 yrs older and my sister is 12 yrs older.

    The thing is, when you're a teenager, you're in a bubble. You're not thinking about maintaining 'quality" relationships with your siblings because that's quite an adult concept. 

    So for a long time my older siblings (especially my brother) were more like aunt/uncle status because when I was a teen they were adults, doing adult things and giving sensible/adult advice.

    I don't they could have changed that, especially as, like you guys wil be doing, they lived a couple of hours away.

    Now that we're all adults, we're close (my sister more so than my brother).  We see each other as often as our schedules allow and I adore them. But I wouldn't walk around in their homes in a towel.

    I think you're on the right track doing things with her. PP has good suggestions around music and theatre. The thing is though, is that her brother also needs to keep in contact with her. Call her up, send her birthday cards, visit from time to time etc etc. My brother's wife did all the legwork in that department and as a result I'm not that close with my brother. 

    [IMG]http://i55.tinypic.com/213pzit.jpg[/IMG]
    Elizabeth 3yrs old Jane 1yr old
  • To follow on many of the others - your heart is in the right place, but be careful about pushing too hard.

    She may not want a close relationship w/ you (you're marrying her brother, that doesn't mean she is going to ahve the same feelings for you), and as said, she's a teenager!

    If you try too hard, if you want this "too much", you're going to end up being disappointed when she doesn't reciprocate, and/or simply acts like teenagers often act and rebuffs you. 

    I'm not saying don't try at all- just be careful of your expectations and don't push too hard. 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • I've known my SIL for almost 10 years.  She was 13 when DH and I started dating.  Our relationship is fine but nowhere near the "sister" relationship I had initially invisioned.  That is because I'm not her sister...I'm her sister in law!  We are very different in age, personality and interests.  I agree with PP...don't push to hard and don't have unreasonable expectations.  Try for a good relationships and be friendly but don't expect to be BFF with her.
  • Ok the towel thing was more of expression that i just want to be comfortable whens shes there
  • Thanks for the help. Im not trying to push at all we have been married for almost 2 years and dating for almost 5. The movie was the first time we have done any thing alone together. I know also that every relationship goes both way, however i also know that if shes comfortable with me and her and her bother do get a long really well then she will be more likely to want to visit.

    As for what she wants i don't know i don't even know how you really find out.

     

    As for the mother in law that's a work in progress and were better than we were even back to having family dinners. 

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