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Question for the regulars...

How do you handle posters who are obviously in trouble/ in denial/ need to make serious life changes...yet just leave the board without updating on what they did with the advice you gave them. Does it bother you a lot when you don't know what happened with them?

 

BabyFetus Ticker

Re: Question for the regulars...

  • It bothers me, at least.  We've had some very seriously scary domestic violence issues, to the extent that nearby Nesties offer to pick them up and have them stay the night at their house, or drive them to a nearby women's shelter (by that point the dude has often taken away the woman's car keys/phone, etc.)  One girl here called the police for someone.

    And the woman is scared to death her H is going to find out about her posts, etc.  When you never hear from people like that again, it does make you wonder.  A LOT of women die at the hands of abusive boyfriends/husbands, and with the situations these women were describing, it wouldn't be one bit surprising.  It could have easily been "the next time."

    On a happier note, we get a lot of women also who are considering marrying a guy, and are having second thoughts.  When that happens, most of us advise them to postpone/cancel the wedding, and the ladies come back and say that they've never felt better after dumping him and they're glad they took our advice.  And we've also been told we were "right," when women have stayed with the guy or gone through with the wedding despite our advice, and then regreted it.  Some of them are regulars now and share their experiences with others.

    I've been here for a few years Smile

  • I think after a while you learn to expect it. You have no control over it, so you just wonder and hope that they listened to something someone said.


  • WahooWahoo member
    Ancient Membership 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker

    I think the people who get angry have an exaggerated sense of self-importance.  it's a message board.  Nobody is "owed" an update!  Also, the way some nesties respond, it's no wonder OPs slink away! 

    I throw out my response out and hope the poster can see things differently b/c of it - and then its out of my hands.

    Of course, people often give answers that are dependant on the situation, so the OP may not be getting the best advice if they don't update.  Their loss! 

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • Sometimes I wonder what happened to certain ones, but that's it.  I figure that most likely, they're still here.....lurking from time to time, but have no desire to post again. 
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • OMG GP, wow, that?s intense! I can see myself offering that too though if a local woman was in serious danger. I guess sometimes you just have to cross your fingers and pray they?ve reached out and accepted help somewhere else.

     

    As for some of the less urgent posters, I can see myself in their shoes so I find it hard sometimes to just let it go. I find myself going and checking their thread (even a week or two later) hoping to see they?ve updated to say they found their pair and stood up for themselves. But you are all right, it?s out of our hands. We can only give advice hope they take it and things improve for them.

    BabyFetus Ticker
  • image Mycrimsonheart:

    OMG GP, wow, that?s intense! I can see myself offering that too though if a local woman was in serious danger. I guess sometimes you just have to cross your fingers and pray they?ve reached out and accepted help somewhere else.

     

    As for some of the less urgent posters, I can see myself in their shoes so I find it hard sometimes to just let it go. I find myself going and checking their thread (even a week or two later) hoping to see they?ve updated to say they found their pair and stood up for themselves. But you are all right, it?s out of our hands. We can only give advice hope they take it and things improve for them.

    In the case of the poster who called the cops and also the nest, there's a fair chance that she put the OPer in more danger than she was already.  While I laud the intention, I think that a lot of care needs to be taken to not further endanger the abuse victim.  It's pretty common that danger increases to the abuse victim when she leaves/is leaving or if she reaches out and that becomes known to the abuser.

    I think we need to listen and advise, but be very wary of well-intentioned intervention that might go horribly, horribly wrong.

  • image grrlygirl:
    image Mycrimsonheart:

    OMG GP, wow, that?s intense! I can see myself offering that too though if a local woman was in serious danger. I guess sometimes you just have to cross your fingers and pray they?ve reached out and accepted help somewhere else.

     

    As for some of the less urgent posters, I can see myself in their shoes so I find it hard sometimes to just let it go. I find myself going and checking their thread (even a week or two later) hoping to see they?ve updated to say they found their pair and stood up for themselves. But you are all right, it?s out of our hands. We can only give advice hope they take it and things improve for them.

    In the case of the poster who called the cops and also the nest, there's a fair chance that she put the OPer in more danger than she was already.  While I laud the intention, I think that a lot of care needs to be taken to not further endanger the abuse victim.  It's pretty common that danger increases to the abuse victim when she leaves/is leaving or if she reaches out and that becomes known to the abuser.

    I think we need to listen and advise, but be very wary of well-intentioned intervention that might go horribly, horribly wrong.

    I very much agree, I meant I would go as far as taking her in for a bit or connecting the indangered poster to a shelter. Calling the police in that type of situation is irresponsible unless the poster requested that someone do that onher behalf (in such a case where her cell might have been taken from her).

    BabyFetus Ticker
  • I seethe with rage and then post Facebook status updates about wanting the technology to punch people in the face remotely.
    image
  • image ReturnOfKuus:
    I seethe with rage and then post Facebook status updates about wanting the technology to punch people in the face remotely.

    LOL I like this! There should be a Rick James button.. "What did the five fingers say to the face!...SLAP!!"

    Especially for the people who are totally wrong and hate hearing that they're totally wrong from everyone on the board.

    BabyFetus Ticker
  • image Mycrimsonheart:
    image grrlygirl:
    image Mycrimsonheart:

    OMG GP, wow, that?s intense! I can see myself offering that too though if a local woman was in serious danger. I guess sometimes you just have to cross your fingers and pray they?ve reached out and accepted help somewhere else.

     

    As for some of the less urgent posters, I can see myself in their shoes so I find it hard sometimes to just let it go. I find myself going and checking their thread (even a week or two later) hoping to see they?ve updated to say they found their pair and stood up for themselves. But you are all right, it?s out of our hands. We can only give advice hope they take it and things improve for them.

    In the case of the poster who called the cops and also the nest, there's a fair chance that she put the OPer in more danger than she was already.  While I laud the intention, I think that a lot of care needs to be taken to not further endanger the abuse victim.  It's pretty common that danger increases to the abuse victim when she leaves/is leaving or if she reaches out and that becomes known to the abuser.

    I think we need to listen and advise, but be very wary of well-intentioned intervention that might go horribly, horribly wrong.

    I very much agree, I meant I would go as far as taking her in for a bit or connecting the indangered poster to a shelter. Calling the police in that type of situation is irresponsible unless the poster requested that someone do that onher behalf (in such a case where her cell might have been taken from her).

    Oh I don't think it was done out of the blue, but I really don't remember.  I've never gone farther than finding numbers and addresses of their local women's shelter.

  • "People in need of advice in regards to making serious life changes".  For me, I don't care if people "don't get it" (who's to say, I've got it). People steer in their own direction, I am powerless over ANY decisions that they make. Doesn't bother me one bit.

  • I do wonder how a few situations that I've commented on have turned out but for the most part, I really don't care.  I don't know these people- whether they do or don't take our advice, it doesn't affect my life.  I hope for the best in every situation but in many cases, it is clear from their post and updates that they're not going to do anything differently.

  • image OMG Guinea Pigs!!:
    image Mycrimsonheart:
    image grrlygirl:
    image Mycrimsonheart:

    OMG GP, wow, that?s intense! I can see myself offering that too though if a local woman was in serious danger. I guess sometimes you just have to cross your fingers and pray they?ve reached out and accepted help somewhere else.

     

    As for some of the less urgent posters, I can see myself in their shoes so I find it hard sometimes to just let it go. I find myself going and checking their thread (even a week or two later) hoping to see they?ve updated to say they found their pair and stood up for themselves. But you are all right, it?s out of our hands. We can only give advice hope they take it and things improve for them.

    In the case of the poster who called the cops and also the nest, there's a fair chance that she put the OPer in more danger than she was already.  While I laud the intention, I think that a lot of care needs to be taken to not further endanger the abuse victim.  It's pretty common that danger increases to the abuse victim when she leaves/is leaving or if she reaches out and that becomes known to the abuser.

    I think we need to listen and advise, but be very wary of well-intentioned intervention that might go horribly, horribly wrong.

    I very much agree, I meant I would go as far as taking her in for a bit or connecting the indangered poster to a shelter. Calling the police in that type of situation is irresponsible unless the poster requested that someone do that onher behalf (in such a case where her cell might have been taken from her).

    Oh I don't think it was done out of the blue, but I really don't remember.  I've never gone farther than finding numbers and addresses of their local women's shelter.

    In the instance I recall, it was - the nestie called both the local cops and thenest offices.  Which was really a bad idea.  I don't recall the details of the woman's situation, but it was clear that the abuse was escalating, so I totally understand the desire too, but the OPer was either scared away after that or reaped repercussions, and we'll never know which.

     

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