Relationships
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

DH hates that I'm on Zoloft... ruining our marriage... HELP

I've been on Zoloft for 2 mos now, low dosage, and it's working great. My friends and family have noticed a difference in my personality in a GOOD way. I am less angry, less paranoid, etc. My DH hates that I'm on it- but whenever I ask him for specific examples of how it's changing my personality- he can never give any. I am less on edge now. I have no decreased sex drive. I feel that he doesn't like me on it because it's something he can't control, and disregards how BETTER I'm feeling. It's gotten to the point now where we constantly fight about it. He mocks me, puts me down. I can't handle it anymore, and don't want to go off of Zoloft because I feel sooo much better!!! We've been on the merry-go-round of arguments, my reasons, his, and we get no where. HELP ME!!!
«1

Re: DH hates that I'm on Zoloft... ruining our marriage... HELP

  • Is he one of those people who doesn't believe depression/anxiety are clinical illnesses?

    Regardless of his excuse, he doesn't sound supportive of you at all.  Is he just verbally abusive about this or about other things too?

  • I don't think he believes in it period.

    He's verbally abusive when he wants to get his way.

  • image the_tina2003:

    I don't think he believes in it period.

    He's verbally abusive when he wants to get his way.

     

    Why are you with someone who is like that?  I suppose getting him to a counselor is unlikely? 

  • Why are you with a man that is verbally abusing you? 

    That is what's ruining your marriage, not your Zoloft.  Is it possible that he resents that you are feeling better, and prefers when you're down?

  • He's been out of town since Sunday, and I'm staying at my parents. He has tried calling me a few times, and I haven't spoken with him. I don't see the point. He insists that I'm acting out of character- if that means me arguing back at him then that has never changed, even before the zoloft. I refuse to be talked down to. I've had it. Something has to change.
  • I suspect that he likes you when you're down and weak, and isn't so thrilled with you being strong and mentally healthy.
    image
  • What are you looking to change?  B/c IMO, abuse of any kind only changes until the abuser starts feeling comfortable again, and then it starts back up.  If your H is really afraid of losing you, he may do the right thing for a time, but as soon as he thinks you're not going anywhere he'll be back to his old ways.

    At the very least you should separate, move out and see if he makes any effort at real change on his own- anger management, individual counseling- if he doesn't you need to seriously think about divorcing him.

  • I assumed when I saw your subject line that your H hated it because your sex drive was being affected. Since that is not the case, I must say that your H sounds like  HUGE d-bag. All that should matter to him is that you are feeling better. It's good that you have feedback from other people that they can see positive changes in you as well.

    I am sorry, I don't have any good advice, he sounds like a jerk. I would be tempted to tell him that I went off of it, but just keep on taking it. I know, I know, that is inappropriate and you shouldn't HAVE to do that. Plus, what if you were ever unconscious and he had to communicate to doctors/EMTs whether you were on any medication...but it would be tempting.

    I don't understand at all how this would be something you would be constantly fighting about. I would ask him to go to counseling with you because it does not sound like he cares about what is best for you. It's not like you're shooting up heroin!

    [IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/rkd75g.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i41.tinypic.com/23r1e34.jpg[/IMG]
  • I don't mean to be offensive but does your need for the Zoloft come from your the situation of your marriage? I mean have you been depressed because of the way your husband treats you?

    BabyFetus Ticker
  • I just wish he could be cool with me taking Zoloft. I feel like if he were fine with it, then we could move on. Funny thing is, he didn't know I was on it for about a month, and all of a sudden when i tell him i'm on it, my 'personality' is changing. IDK.
  • Actually, I initially tried hiding it from him because I knew this would happen. Then, I did have to be emitted into the hospital, so I told him just to be safe.
  • image the_tina2003:
    Actually, I initially tried hiding it from him because I knew this would happen. Then, I did have to be emitted into the hospital, so I told him just to be safe.

     

    So he's abusive and you're hiding things from him.  Do you see that this is not a healthy relationship? 

  • image the_tina2003:
    Actually, I initially tried hiding it from him because I knew this would happen. Then, I did have to be emitted into the hospital, so I told him just to be safe.

    Um, having to hide stuff from your H, and accepting that he's "verbally abusive" are NOT OK.  This has no place in a marriage.

    Abuse is never acceptable, and it always escalates.  This MARRIAGE is what is ruining you emotionally and mentally.  Physical violence ALWAYS starts out exactly like what you are experiencing - I've been there, and many of us have.

    You need to get out.  This WILL get worse.

  • image the_tina2003:

    I don't think he believes in it period.

    He's verbally abusive when he wants to get his way.

    This is not fixable.  This is a dealbreaker.  In healthy marriages, people can have arguments and even horrible fights without mocking one another and tearing one another down. 

    Do you really want to live the rest of your life like this?  

    Seriously, find the number for a women's shelter in your area, and have it on speed dial.  He's going to start beating you within a year.

  • image ReturnOfKuus:
    I suspect that he likes you when you're down and weak, and isn't so thrilled with you being strong and mentally healthy.

    I knew this as soon as I read the subject line.  And then she ADMITS he's verbally abusive, and wants to know how to "fix" it.

    OMFG.

  • image Mycrimsonheart:

    I don't mean to be offensive but does your need for the Zoloft come from your the situation of your marriage? I mean have you been depressed because of the way your husband treats you?

    Again I don't mean to be rude but can you answer this question? You don't have to do it here but just think about it. What the other girls have to say about his abuse is true. I had a bf just like this. Controlling, verbally abusive, I had to keep things from him in fear of his reaction. One day he got upset with me, slammed my head in a car door, knocked me out and ran (leaving me knocked out in a parking lot!). It took for me to actually get physically hurt to realize his abuse. Emotional and verbal abuse are real and WILL lead to physical abuse. Please seek counseling. What he is doing is not normal or acceptable. You deserve better and can have better.

    BabyFetus Ticker
  • image ReturnOfKuus:
    I suspect that he likes you when you're down and weak, and isn't so thrilled with you being strong and mentally healthy.

    Ding ding ding.

    This is exactly the problem. The zoloft is not ruining your marriage. Your douchebag husband is. 

    image
    Are you serious???
  • Maybe you all are right. The thing is, I can fight back just as hard as he can. It's equal. He just blames all of this on the Zoloft. He thinks that the doctor (my gynecologist) isn't certified to make this diagnosis- but i can garantee that if I told a psychologist what I was feeling, they'd give it to me too. The truth is, we argue all of the time. He is consumed with his work and saving for a house- he never makes time for our relationship. More and more he doesn't listen to what I have tosay, or need.
  • image the_tina2003:
    Maybe you all are right. The thing is, I can fight back just as hard as he can. It's equal. He just blames all of this on the Zoloft. He thinks that the doctor (my gynecologist) isn't certified to make this diagnosis- but i can garantee that if I told a psychologist what I was feeling, they'd give it to me too. The truth is, we argue all of the time. He is consumed with his work and saving for a house- he never makes time for our relationship. More and more he doesn't listen to what I have tosay, or need.

     

    ...I too raise an eyebrow that your gynecologist prescribed your zoloft... but whatever. 

    Leave him anyway.  Abusive is abusive whether he's right or wrong. 

  • image Karen2905:

    Leave him anyway.  Abusive is abusive whether he's right or wrong. 

    Ditto.

    It WILL get worse - it always does.  Whether you can "fight back" now is irrelevant.  Abusers are masters at breaking people down until they are nothing but a shell of their former selves - that's why he's p!ssed that you're doing better now.

    And why would you want to stay with a guy who is trying to do this to you? A guy who WANTS to see you unhappy and weak?  Is this love, to you?

    This isn't anywhere close to being a normal, healthy, happy marriage.

  • I agree that it's weird that your gynecologist prescribed the Zoloft.  Do you have kids or are you TTC?  If you are TTC, stop immediately.

    Regardless, you should be seeing a therapist.  Anti-depressants work best when used in conjunction with therapy.  Plus, you need to be talking to a professional about these issues, it's a little scary what you seem to think is normal and acceptable.

    If you are fighting back 'just as hard', it just means that your relationship is toxic and you both need serious help, it doesn't excuse his behavior.

    You need to get out before this escalates to physical abuse.

  • image ReturnOfKuus:
    I suspect that he likes you when you're down and weak, and isn't so thrilled with you being strong and mentally healthy.

    this is exactly what I was thinking. An abuser needs someone to abuse, and they know they can only abuse people who don't feel good about themselves. Now that you're getting better, he feels out of control.

    Leave him.

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • He doesn't actually get a vote on your medical care. 

    He's not in charge of your medical decisions and treatments.  You are.

    There is nothing to really argue about.  You're an adult.  You've chosen to take Zoloft and evaluated the benefits and have chosen to continue. It's YOUR exclusive decision, not his.  Not even a little bit.

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • I bet that if you got rid of the douche bag you wouldnt need zoloft anymore!

    PLEASE do not go off your meds....but you might want to go off him~!



  • Get yourself to therapy.  Getting your original prescription from your GYN is a good start, but it sounds like you have a lot of issues that could be helped with talk therapy.

    Good for you for having the courage to leave the situation and going to your parents.   You don't have to go back -- not even for a "final confrontation".  You can just walk away now if you want to.  You don't have to fix something that is so broken as to contain verbal abuse.  Even if you dish it right back to him.  Just like you would donate a car that had been totaled in an accident -- somethings just aren't worth the effort to fix because they will never run right again. 

  • "He doesn't actually get a vote on your medical care. 

    He's not in charge of your medical decisions and treatments.  You are.

    There is nothing to really argue about.  You're an adult.  You've chosen to take Zoloft and evaluated the benefits and have chosen to continue. It's YOUR exclusive decision, not his.  Not even a little bit."

     Haha. Thank you. That's exactly how I feel.

  • Why were you admitted to a hospital, and for how long? Was it voluntary or involuntary?

    And why did you require an antidepressant in the first place? Are you in therapy as well?

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • Ditto, Sue.  Why were you admitted to the hospital?
  • When you say you "fight back just as hard" do mean you stick up for yourself? That you don't totally let him walk all over you and treat you like sh*t? I took your "fighting back" as you have spine and don't always take his sh*t lying down. When you do this does it make him even angrier, does it escalate the situation? Really think long and hard about your relationship and how he treats you.

    It is possible to be in a relationship where you have freedom to do what you like, make decisions about your health, and be supported no matter what by your S/O. This douche doesn't know how to do that, I suggest you leave and find someone who can. 

    BabyFetus Ticker
  • image the_tina2003:

    I don't think he believes in it period.

    He's verbally abusive when he wants to get his way.

    If this is the case- the Zoloft here is a red herring, and if you weren't on the Zoloft or he didn't know you were, he would be finding something else to pick pick pick you about.  

    My prediction is that less than 2 months after you leave him (which I strongly urge you to do- reread OMG GP's responses), you won't be able to even imagine going back to a life in which you feel compelled to hide what medications you're on, or figuring out how much to say and how to avoid a blow-up.  

Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards