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When your husband irratates you???

What are some ways you "manage" the irratation you feel, so that it doesn't turn into a fight? What are some ways you have changed your thinking in regards to what he does that irratates you?

Re: When your husband irratates you???

  • I remind myself that I can be irritating too and DH doesn't bug me about it.  So - I do the same w/ him!
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  • A lot of irritation I feel, when I do feel it, is solved by "alone time."  I walk away - do my own thing, and put a little space between us.  If it's something that needs to be addressed (i.e. a behavior he can change) I always do it after taking a little while to chill.  

    And if/when I do address it - I always ask if there's something I've done to irritate him or if there's anything I can do to help not irritate him in return.  

  • I make sure that none of my little habits are irritating him; for example, like misspelling common words.

     

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  • I count to 10 and then ask myself if it'll matter in 10 years. If it won't (and it hardly ever will), then I just keep my mouth shut.
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  • If you're in a crabby mood and his actions wouldn't otherwise irritate you, remind yourself that your mood isn't his fault.  Tell him you're crabby and that you're going to do ___ for ___ minutes.  I go take a walk or take a bubble bath. 

    If he's irritating you and you're in a good mood, tell him you don't like what he's doing and you'd prefer he does XYZ.  Whatever it is, you have to communicate or he won't know to stop.

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  • When my husband and I are grumpy with each other or if he is driving me nuts I literally sit on him. I sit one knee on each side of him and put my forehead to his. I say flat out "You are driving me crazy by doing XYZ." By the time I finish my sentence we are laughing over the fact that I (again) sat on him to fix a situation.

    I think breaking the tension when you are frustrated is the first big step. Letting it boil inside of you just makes you more grumpy/crabby. 

  • Depends what it is.  I usually take a minute though before I do anything, just breath and figure out if it's me being grumpy or him being annoying.  If it's me I usually just say "I'm feeling pretty grumpy right now" he understands and gives me a little space.  If it's something he's doing that is just driving me up the wall and if it's something that he does over days and will continue to do then I let him know "H when you do 'this" it really bugs me" sometimes he'll get defensive but I remind him that we should be able to tell each other if somethings bugging us and he'll just stop...sometimes he'll make fun of me for it later but he gets that it actually bugs me and takes that to heart at least. 

    If it's just something small that he's doing like if he's putting the toilet paper roll on the wrong way or something stupid. I'll let it go, change it myself and remind myself that he does pretty much everything else awesomely.(yes that's a word).

  • I remove myself from the situation. 

    Like, it irritates me when he drinks when he's sitting right next to me.  As in, I can't handle the noise of liquid traveling down his throat.  But, if he's across the table, it's not a big deal.  It's just a right-next-to-my-ear sort of thing.  So, if he brings something in to drink while watching tv or something, one of us will move to the arm chair while he finishes his drink.

    Most of what irritates me are such minute little things, it's pretty easy for me to shrug it off.

  • It depends, like others have said.

     I used to get irritated when he would just leave dishes in the sink. I realized that every time I walked past the sink I was getting annoyed at him. If I just do the dishes, it takes a couple of minutes, and then I don't get annoyed every time I enter the kitchen. Problem solved. He'll do them but his style is to wait until the sink is full of dishes and wash them all once a day.

    For other stuff, I try to use humor. I try to make both of us laugh as I am also communicating what is irritating me. It does seem to work. 

    [IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/rkd75g.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i41.tinypic.com/23r1e34.jpg[/IMG]
  • I scowl at him and say "grump grump grump!"
    image
  • image Sue_sue:

    I make sure that none of my little habits are irritating him; for example, like misspelling common words.

     

    /dead

     

    I come here and read the posts here and affirm that even if he sometimes does little things that bug me, I had enough self respect to not marry a douchebag or spineless child.

  • I remind myself that I don't want to be that "nagging" wife. And I realize that I am annoying too.

    Also, to avoid the nagging...I make sure to point out and say aloud the things he does that make me happy. Like the once in a blue moon when he actually changes the toilet paper roll - I'll make it point to say "Thanks for changing the roll!"...positive reinforcement is key! I rarely point out the small negatives that really aren't a big deal...

  • I take a step back and think...is it going to be even more irritating to start an argument over for what's irritating me or is it easier to just let it go.

    I also know that I do plenty of things that are irritating and have never heard my husband complain.  However, when I have brought up things that annoy me, he casually explains that these things come up when 2 people are living together and that everyone has things they do that annoy others.  It's human nature since we all work, drive long distances, sit in traffic, have long days, etc that cause irritations that has nothing to do with the person actually irritating you.

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  • I actually put it out there and mention in a calm tone what it is that's bothering me. If it's a habit or manner of laziness, it's something that will continue to irritate and it works better for us to say something about it rather than let it build up so long as we maintain civility

    This isn't necessaary for every little thing, I'm all about picking battles. But, instead of going years picking his dirty laundry up and putting it in the hamper and getting annoyed every time, I tell him: hey honey, can you make sure you're getting your dirty laundry in the hamper? And we move on, no more irritation

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  • I ignore him until he has figured out why I am mad, and brings me a gift to make up for making me mad in the first place.

    If he loved me, he'd know without asking why I am mad!

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  • image Mrs.Rad888:

    I ignore him until he has figured out why I am mad, and brings me a gift to make up for making me mad in the first place.

    If he loved me, he'd know without asking why I am mad!

    Yes?

  • image Fenderbot:

    I remind myself that I don't want to be that "nagging" wife. And I realize that I am annoying too.

    Also, to avoid the nagging...I make sure to point out and say aloud the things he does that make me happy. Like the once in a blue moon when he actually changes the toilet paper roll - I'll make it point to say "Thanks for changing the roll!"...positive reinforcement is key! I rarely point out the small negatives that really aren't a big deal...

    LOL.  SO has never changed the toilet paper roll.  I think he thinks a TP fairy does it for him.  But...  he always fixes things for me right away.

    Positive reinforcement all the way.  He makes dinner (ie, orders out) and I am very grateful that I don't need to do it or think about it.  Makes the bed (sometimes with me still in it), picks up the house. 

    SO took care of dinner for a whole week once after getting a special treat each night  Wink

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