This is my first post here...I've been lurking for a while, trying to find someone with a similar situation and just decided to bite the bullet and ask for advice. Or something. I've been looking around at support forums and this is the best one I've found so far.
So. H and I have been married just under a year, together almost five and we've lived together almost as long. I thought I knew him.
We married in May and at the beginning of August this past summer, I received an email from MIL at work with the subject title: A few minutes of your time, please. At first I thought it was just a response to the one I had just sent her that day asking about her vacation and inviting her and FIL over for a cookout.
But when I opened it, I discovered that it was two pages of her tearing me apart. She expressed how she thought I was rude and disrespectful to her and her family, that I was terribly rude at my OWN WEDDING for not sitting at her table with her family to talk(which I did). She said that I needed to realize that 'like it or not', my FIL 'buttered my bread' since H works for him. She told me that my mother was bossy and that if my mom bossed her around the next time she saw her, 'things would get ugly'. She said I made her whole family uncomfortable when I came around and they were worried that when we had kids, they would never see them because I wouldn't bring them around. This is the basic gist of things.
I printed it out, brought it home, and presented it to H. I was livid. He read the email, set it down on the table...and shrugged. I asked what he thought and he said, 'You can be like this sometimes'. I couldn't believe it. If I had, in fact, been that person she described me to be, I never would have expected my H to marry me. Ever! No one had ever said such terrible things to me. To make matters worse, H confessed that HE had told his mother to email me because she called him to complain about me and he said he refused to get in the middle of things. But he never once called, texted, emailed, ANYTHING, to warn me of this.
I felt completely betrayed. It was like our first test as a married couple and he failed miserably.
Even after I told him that I felt betrayed by him, that this never should have happened, he still maintained that he wouldn't put himself in the middle, that it was my problem to sort through with his mother. I tried the whole 'put yourself in my shoes' tactic and that didn't work. I couldn't get through to him. I went so far as to ask him if he felt that way about me, then why would he marry me? He didn't have an answer.
The next morning, I received a text(yes, a TEXT)from him saying that he would have my back through this and that he married me because he loves me.
I wrote his mom back(she told H to tell me she expected an email response) and addressed every single thing she attacked me with. I was very calm, never rude(because I'm NOT rude), but I made sure to be firm and to stand up for myself. Before this gets ridiculously long, I'll just say that since then, my trust in my H has dwindled. I am afraid I can't count on him for anything. This situation has completely opened my eyes to who I believe he truly is.
I am now in counseling to try and sort through my feelings on this, but after my first session, H had no support for it. He thinks I should be able to talk to him about things. He questioned how long it would take me to 'get over this' so I can stop going. He asked how much it would cost 'him' because he needed to know how much overtime he needed to work to pay for it. Just very unsupportive.
I am at my wits end and I have no idea where to go from here. I should tell you that before I got the email, I considered my MIL to be a very close friend. We hung out, talked on the phone, emailed, everything. This letter came completely out of the blue and when H threw me under the bus, I felt like I had lost two people so dear to me.
I'm sorry about the length....I would keep going if I could, but I won't. I'm not sure what I'm looking for...advice, support, anything. I want to know if I am right in feeling the way that I feel, if anyone else has dealt with anything like this before and if you ever found your trust in your H again. If you feel I'm leaving anything important out, please ask and I'll try to be quick to answer. Thank you so much.