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S/O Poll: Libido

AJ0915 brought up an interesting anecdote about someone close to her having an issue where her husband desired sex a lot less often than she did. I have read that low male libido (the lack of actual sex drive/interest, not merely being impotent but still wanting sex) is a lot more common than people realize, but it is rarely ever discussed or researched.[Poll]
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Re: S/O Poll: Libido

  • Well, I can only speak about what I have experienced but I think a lot of our libido is impacted by our confidence. This is true for men and women. I think both sexes have sex/initiate it less when they do not feel sexy. For women this tends to be times when they feel "fat" or unattractive. For men this tends to be when they feel like they are not manly enough. This could be everything from erectile issues to being out of work. ED is really largely psychological (I have lots of proof for that Wink). Since my DH has experienced (and continues to at times/to some degree) both of these they have impacted a lot about his confidence in the BD. I think more men experience ED at a younger age than is commonly assumed and many will experience it at some time in their lives and don't know how to deal with it. Neither do the women who love them. So it can be a painful and frustrating process.
  • image hannikan:
    Well, I can only speak about what I have experienced but I think a lot of our libido is impacted by our confidence. This is true for men and women. I think both sexes have sex/initiate it less when they do not feel sexy. For women this tends to be times when they feel "fat" or unattractive. For men this tends to be when they feel like they are not manly enough. This could be everything from erectile issues to being out of work. ED is really largely psychological (I have lots of proof for that Wink). Since my DH has experienced (and continues to at times/to some degree) both of these they have impacted a lot about his confidence in the BD. I think more men experience ED at a younger age than is commonly assumed and many will experience it at some time in their lives and don't know how to deal with it. Neither do the women who love them. So it can be a painful and frustrating process.

    Interesting point. I know I've definitely had my libido affected by emotional factors (positive and negative), so it would make sense that men would experience the same. And confidence does seem to make a big difference. When you feel sexy, you seem to emanate it. And there are a lot of people out there that aren't super attractive that seem to attract the opposite sex fairly easily and have fulfilling sex lives, because of their confidence in themselves.

    I'm also thinking that it also doesn't help that society likes to push the ideas that men want sex "all the time", and that they get horny whenever a mildly attractive female so much as glances at them. So when a man is feeling disinterested, whether because of biological or emotional reasons, they don't feel safe telling someone that they're feeling disinterested, even if they know it's a problem and wish they did want more sex, for fear that they'll feel less masculine or be judged. But it's a shame, since those biological or emotional factors likely affect way more than sex drive.

     

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  • I basically believe that if my H is not actually having sex right now, than he is 100% convinced that he never ever gets to have sex, that it's been 10 years since he last had it, and that he must have it, like...NOW.  It's a bit much.  He claims it's because he had so little before he met me.  Which is true.  And I appreciate that enough to tolerate what comes with it ;)

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  • I feel like it's so hormonal. Based largely on where I am in my cycle. When I was postpartum, and pregnant my desire plummeted. 

    Also as I get older it drops a bit.  

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  • I think both men and women have ebbs and flows when it comes to their libido.  My mom once told me that she thinks that God made men peak in their 20's and that women peak much later on purpose.   I always thought I was a fluke because I have always had the sex drive of a man in his early 20's.  Add a baby to that and another pregnancy and that sure has changed.   Things have slowed, but I imagine they will pick up again when our exhaustion goes away. :)

  • With dh, whew, I can't keep up with him. But I had an ex-boyfriend who really didn't want to do it all that much. He had some weight issues, so I think that may have been part of it.
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  • I always want it.

    He says I always want it at the most inappropriate times (When he's about to fall asleep, when he has to leave for work, when he's hungry or just got out of the shower). Whatev, I always want it. He's starting to want sex every day now too though, so it's been working out nicely.

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  • image mrs.moosie:

    I always want it.

    He says I always want it at the most inappropriate times (When he's about to fall asleep, when he has to leave for work, when he's hungry or just got out of the shower). Whatev, I always want it. He's starting to want sex every day now too though, so it's been working out nicely.

    Shift work certainly doesn't help! I know when DH was working shifts, it seemed like he was always either at work, sleeping, getting ready for work, winding down from work, or eating. Even on his days off, it took at least one full day to "recover", but frequently more than that. By his second day off, he'd usually have more energy. But then on day-off #3, he was focused on getting ready for the work week, and going to bed early again, etc.

    It's a little better now that he's on days; but most work days, he's still exhausted from 10+ hour shifts, and we generally don't get a lot of time in the evenings since I get home by 6:30, I make dinner, we eat, and then he's in bed by 8:30. So that leaves us with the weekends, which are always packed full of chores and projects and getting together with friends. So it can be hard to find time to squeeze in sex.

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