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Poll: Your sex life

I was at the gym last night with a girlfriend, and we were talking about sex after marriage/kids/as you get older. We have a mutual friend who was bragging recently about how her and her DH still "go at it like rabbits all the time" even 2 years after they were married (they have no kids yet). So, now I'm curious to sample a "real" group of women (and not just the stastics you see in articles).

Also, if you're comfortable answering, have you found that your frequency has changed (up or down) since you got married? And any thoughts on why?

[Poll]
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Re: Poll: Your sex life

  • I once read a statistic that you will have more sex in the first two (sexually active) years with your partner than you will cumulatively have for the remainder of your relationship.  So add up those first two years and think carefully about how best to divy it up :)
  • well, our sex life has changed drastically since we started TTC 10 months ago.

    we have lots more sex, but its not always loving/exciting. a few times a month its all about business (we're in the business section of the month right now)

    but before we started TTC it was the same before and after we got married.  

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  • similar to what Celyn said, on our honeymoon (which was a few months after our wedding) we chatted with a couple that had been married 20 or so years and had 3 kids. 

    the husband told my husband he should put a penny in a jar every time we have sex the first year, and then after that start taking them out, and that we would never empty the jar. this doesn't hold for us, for sure b/c i was gone for 6 weeks the first year of our marriage and i guarantee we surpassed it in the last 10 months

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  • Ours definitely went down ever since we moved in together, when we were just dating it seems it was daily. Now it's a few times a week, of course when AF is not in town.

    I do have a friend that has sex at least twice a day, if not more.  And honestly she complains about it, she mostly complains about how tired she is with taking care of their 3 kids and she "has" to have sex with him, and if she denies him because she simply not in the mood he will not talk to her for days.  He's a very controlling & jealous person...but that's a whole other story :/

    Also, my SIL confided in me and my cousin that when her and my brother moved to Texas and they lived there for 2 years..they did not have sex once!!! She said she tried but he was the one that wasn't in the mood. They just had several problems and that led to their seperation for 5 months. Thankfully, they worked through their problems and are fine now...phew!

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  • Right now b/c we're TTC its a bit more frequent than before, but generally we're about 1ish times/week and had been that way for several years. The first year (specifically first 8 months before I started going to law school we were much more active).
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  • image Celyn:
    I once read a statistic that you will have more sex in the first two (sexually active) years with your partner than you will cumulatively have for the remainder of your relationship.  So add up those first two years and think carefully about how best to divy it up :)

    That's interesting. I can't really recall how often DH and I had sex for the first two years we were sexually active with each other. I know we were young, and still lived with our parents, so it was mostly whenever we could, which wasn't as often as we would have liked. But I think the following 9 years have added up to more than those first two years. Despite that, I can see how that could be the case for many people though!

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  • I'd say we are a few times a week, but it depends on the week.  When we are working it's less and when we are on vacation (we're teachers) it's more.  Also, being off BCP has made a HUGE difference for me.  I used to be much more indifferent about it and now...well...not so much! Wink
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  • I said "other" because it's non-existent right now. There is no sex life to speak of. I'd like to find someone to help me change that.
  • image aj0915:
    Also, my SIL confided in me and my cousin that when her and my brother moved to Texas and they lived there for 2 years..they did not have sex once!!! She said she tried but he was the one that wasn't in the mood. They just had several problems and that led to their seperation for 5 months. Thankfully, they worked through their problems and are fine now...phew!

    This is something that I think is a lot more common than people generally talk about! I've read articles about how there are actually a lot of men who suffer from low libido, whereas their wives are the ones that are sexually frustrated and wanting more. But that it's something that is "taboo" for men to talk about, so the underlying issues rarely get figured out and resolved.

    I think I may make another poll about this...

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  • image aj0915:

    I do have a friend that has sex at least twice a day, if not more.  And honestly she complains about it, she mostly complains about how tired she is with taking care of their 3 kids and she "has" to have sex with him, and if she denies him because she simply not in the mood he will not talk to her for days.  He's a very controlling & jealous person...but that's a whole other story :/

    Indifferent  Poor thing, I would be sore. 

    We're about the same since I moved in two years ago.  5-6 times per week.  We had a long distance relationship for two years before I moved in so we're making up for lost time. 

  • Based on these sorts of polls I've seen in the past here, I know we're above average in this department.  That said, whenever we feel any sort of a "lull" in the desire to get busy, we will implement a sort of "every day for a week" rule.  The last time, it really sparked a change for the better.  It was also funny b/c a random mid-week work thing came up that required us to be creative and really work around our schedules to find time to do it within that particular day (unexpected)...something we never would have otherwise done, which sort of made it a priority in a way it hadn't been for awhile (I hope I'm making sense).  Anyway, so we recently agreed we might put that into effect every few months or so...in particular if either of us feel the "lull."

    I really think the idea that the more you have, the more you want can really work with regards to sex in marriage (and the opposite can be the case too - the less you have, the less you want...I think this latter thing can happen fairly commonly in marriage).

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  • It's funny, I have been keeping track of when DH and I have sex. I have found that my sex drive is nonexistant most of the month-save when I'm ovulating. Nature wants something to happen, methinks. So we usually have sex every other day or so for a week out of the month and then nothing. DH hates it Wink

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  • image californiaborn:

    It's funny, I have been keeping track of when DH and I have sex. I have found that my sex drive is nonexistant most of the month-save when I'm ovulating. Nature wants something to happen, methinks. So we usually have sex every other day or so for a week out of the month and then nothing. DH hates it Wink

    I keep track because we are TTC but we are the same way. My husband is kind of lazy and tired by nature so usually, I am the one to initiate. And then after we do it, he says that we should do it more often. DUH!

  • Quincy stole my sex drive, now that he's not inside, it's back and I'm so glad (and so is DH) waiting until my pp check was difficult!
  • Dh and I have been together since we were 20, we're now 30, the first 4 years, I would say 1-2x/week (if not more), the longer we were together it declined. Especially now w/ kids, we're too exhausted at end of the day to even think about sex.
  • image aj0915:

    Ours definitely went down ever since we moved in together, when we were just dating it seems it was daily.

    This, it wasn't getting married that decreased things as it was moving in together. The first 3 years we were together it was a couple of times every time we saw each other (we lived about 30 mins apart so we saw each 3-4/week). But ours was drastically affected by the fact that when we moved in together my dad died almost right away and then DH had fatal condition that prevented us from doing it. It was REALLY hard to bounce back after not being able to do it at all for 2 years. It totally killed both our libidos because we had to do w/o for so long. Our frequency is still less than I would like. I hope when my stress level/busyness/fatigue goes down it will have a resurgence. It is once every 1-2 weeks at this point.
  • Well, per my CW, not that much. Besides this dry spell, we have it quite often b/c we are TTCing.
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  • Speaking as a new mom to a colicky baby who wakes 3-8 times a night...

    We are still working things out.  I was not cleared by the doctors til almost 10 weeks pp and then it was not a good first couple times experience because things change and it takes some time to get back what you had...but now we are about 1 time a week which makes me a bit sad because I want more, I crave more....but sometimes having a moment to myself and/or sleeping win out which makes me feel bad later because I miss that kind of connection with my husband....we talk about it and make sure we both know what the other is feeling and thinking and neither of us has an issue when one of us is just too tired or needs to be alone for a moment...we are still trying to learn how to balance this.  Having a baby changes things...but having a colicky baby makes it very very tough, we have days we are just amazed we all lived (though now the colic is beginning to subside and it is getting "easier").

    I feel like this is the most I have ever shared about my sex life with anyone besides DH because I am very quiet and closed booked about this topic...but I felt like it might help someone to hear it... 

    ETA: BTW....pregnancy killed my sex drive...but post partum....whew....the desire and craving and want are in FULL GEAR. So that is a bonus.... 

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  • image aj0915:

    I do have a friend that has sex at least twice a day, if not more.  And honestly she complains about it, she mostly complains about how tired she is with taking care of their 3 kids and she "has" to have sex with him, and if she denies him because she simply not in the mood he will not talk to her for days.  He's a very controlling & jealous person...but that's a whole other story.

    OK, do these people have jobs? Who has the time and energy for that? And where are the kids during all of this? 

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  • image Passanie:
    image aj0915:

    I do have a friend that has sex at least twice a day, if not more.  And honestly she complains about it, she mostly complains about how tired she is with taking care of their 3 kids and she "has" to have sex with him, and if she denies him because she simply not in the mood he will not talk to her for days.  He's a very controlling & jealous person...but that's a whole other story.

    OK, do these people have jobs? Who has the time and energy for that? And where are the kids during all of this? 

    Well my friend is a SAHM, and her hubby works weird hours.  Even if he worked a regular 9 to 5 job..he would still make the time.  I mean honestly, we think he is a sex addict.  The kids are at school, but this one time while the youngest was home (he's 6) they snuck off to the room while he was watching tv, well i guess things got a little loud and her son heard them...so he's knocking and knocking on the door and says  "daddy!! why are you making my mommy cry??" Indifferent

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  • When we were dating and not living together it was about 2-3 times *a day*. My roommate hated us. We spent a huge portion of our time together in bed. It was my favorite thing in the whole wide world. One thing I always thought would stay strong "if we ever got married". But it most definitely did not. We moved in together a few days after we got married and methinks that slowly killed it. I think, honestly, another thing that killed it for us is how cutesy and lovey we are with each other now. We are very silly around each other. On the love side of things it's awesome, but on the other hand I think it's the mortal enemy of passion. I know that isn't the case for many, but our preferred variety of gettin busy isn't the kind that starts with a playful pillow fight. That being said, when it does happen it's amazing (why don't we do this more??) and after months of it only happening 1-2 times every 2 weeks  we've had some recent bouts of doing it nearly every day. I hope it sticks!

     And let me just say, we're in our 20s with no kids and little responsibility. I really applaud those of you who are making it happen 1-2+ times a week and have kids, have been married 5+ years, have very busy lives, etc.

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