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A funny, vulgar story

The receptionist at Mike's work (and my former work) is a total trip. We all get along famously. I wouldn't say we are close, but she's just one of those people you feel like you've known forever.  Apparently she feels that way about Mike too....because she told him she's pregnant the other day out of the blue. She's unmarried and in her later 30's so it's a little bit of a surprise.  She says she's only told a few people so far.

Yesterday Mike asked her how she was feeling, when she was due, etc. and if her boyfriend (she calls him friend-boy) was excited. She said:

"oh, we broke up but I know it's his.  I told him he's the only one shooting it up there, I had sex with a friend a while back but he pulled out and came in his hand. I told him we can do a DNA test but it's his baby."

Mike must have turned 15 shades of red just telling me this story, I don't know how he managed to keep it together enough to politely finish the conversation with her.

image Ready to rumble.

Re: A funny, vulgar story

  • My eyebrows are touching my hairline.   What did he say, exactly, to politely wrap up the conversation?
    image
  • Oh.  Yikes.  Holy overshare. 

    When I told people at work I was pregnant I was a little embarassed because they'd then know I had sex. I certainly wouldn't get descriptive!

  • She sounds super immature for her age.
  • I think he mumbled something like "well, congratulations again!" and ran for the hills. He said this takes the #1 spot from the time she showed him blacksploitation porno photos on her cell phone.  

    She's a life of the party type. We all went out for happy hour once to an Irish bar and she made Mike do two car bombs with her (she's african american and apparently car bombs aren't the shot of choice when she goes to the club, so she wanted to try them). She was plowed. So she told Mike her former friend boy is happy that she's pregnant and won't be drinking anymore.

    image Ready to rumble.
  • Oh. MY GOD. Poor Mike. J would have been 5 shades of red and horrified.
    image Josephine is 4.
  • oh wow, i'm glad i don't actually know this woman because i feel like i just watched her copulation adventure. though i'm sure otherwise she is lovely. Embarrassed
    image
  • I feel marginally uncomfortable just hearing it repeated. I can't imagine being privy to it in first person. 
    image
  • OMG katie, I am so in love with Alison's hat!  Very cute.  Two thumbs up.
    image
    "That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
  • What a cute little sleeping baby girl!
  • ha! i'm glad you like her bonnet, she gives me a look that implies she is none too thrilled about such ridiculous headgear, so at least it is enjoyable for others.

     

    image
  • Where did you get it?
    image
    "That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
  • i am not sure, it was a gift.
    image
  • I love this story
  • image BoxofCox:
    I love this story

    Does not compute.  

    image
  • It's different than yours, but this eyelet pilot hat is cute.
  • I feel like this conversation turned into a community head in sand moment
    image
  • I'm totally okay with that.  Love the hat!
    image Ready to rumble.
  • I can't imagine how I'd react if someone told me that story.  I think my H would have just pretended to not hear it and walked away.
    image Mabel the Loser.
  • Am I the only one who thinks the story is no big deal? I mean, yes overshare, but waaay less creepy than someone petting your hair during the morning commute.
    image

    "The meek shall inherit the earth" isn't about children. It's about deer. We're all going to get messed the fuckup by a bunch of cloned super-deer.- samfish2bcrab

    Sometimes I wonder if scientists have never seen a sci-fi movie before. "Oh yes, let's create a super species of deer. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG." I wonder if State Farm offers a Zombie Deer Attack policy. -CaliopeSpidrman
  • You said you liked it when I pet your hair on the bus!
    image
    "That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
  • Well, yeah, but not when you take pictures. I know what you do with those pictures!

    image

    "The meek shall inherit the earth" isn't about children. It's about deer. We're all going to get messed the fuckup by a bunch of cloned super-deer.- samfish2bcrab

    Sometimes I wonder if scientists have never seen a sci-fi movie before. "Oh yes, let's create a super species of deer. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG." I wonder if State Farm offers a Zombie Deer Attack policy. -CaliopeSpidrman
  • Decoupage.
    image
    "That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
  • Wait am I the only one who cracked up reading this? Gross and too much information, yes, and I am on record as a delicate flower. But the total all-around inappropriateness of this would have had me dying laughing.
    image Guess who?
  • you had me at "coming in his hand".
    I'm might not be in such a bad mood after reading that.
  • I like her story.  It's much more interesting than the ones I have to hear from my coworker.  All she talks about are her cats.
    image
    "That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
  • I would have played along like "well why would he need a dna test if the other guy came in his hand??" and then when it was all over I would run around desperate to find someone to tell the hilarious story to.
    image Guess who?
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