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Pregnant Bridesmaid

I am supposed to be a bridesmaid in my sister-in-laws wedding in June. Here is the problem(s). I had to buy the dress the week I found out I was pregnant so I bought 2 sizes too big so that it can be altered. I was already uncomfortable with the style as I don't wear strapless things due to being overweight. Its a really unflattering style on me. It is too early to tell people I am pregnant, but now that I am, I want to be able to wear a wrap or cardigan with the dress. By the time we tell them we are pregnant, the wedding will be a month away. I am also willing to offer to step down as a bridesmaid. I feel really strongly about not wanting to wear the dress as is without some coverage. Please help me figure out how to handle it,

Re: Pregnant Bridesmaid

  • Just ask for what you want when you're ready to. If she says no, just tell her that it's very important to you and you'll feel really uncomfortable. If she won't budge, regretfully step down. If she's really your friend, I doubt it will come to that. GL!
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  • If you were a bridesmaid in my wedding, I would want you to feel comfortable. Adding a wrap/cardigan shouldn''t be a deal-breaker by any means.

    Congrats on the pregnancy!!

  • Is there anyway you can just tell the bride that you're pregnant? Do you trust her enough to tell her? If not then I would talk to her about being insecure in the dress without covering and ask if it would be alright if you were to wear a wrap or something...she might just be like "yeah sure sounds good".  and you won't have to worry about that part of the problem again.
  • Just sounds like a BM who doesn"t like her dress. It happens.  Talk to the seamstress about options for adjustment for maternity.  I had a lovely wrap that was elegant with my strapless gown,  You have some options beyond a cartigan sweater.  Find out.  It shouldn't mean you have to quit.

     

      

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  • imoanimoan member
    10000 Comments Eighth Anniversary

    I'm torn about this post.  I can kind of see where you're coming from, but the bigger part of me says "suck it up!"   This is your friend's wedding day.  So, you don't feel like you look the hottest?  Who gives a crap.  It's not about you.

    It would've been one thing if you were just like "should I ask if I can wear a wrap", but the fact that you got into actually dropping out of the wedding if you don't get your way???   That spoke volumes to me.

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  • image imoan:

    I'm torn about this post.  I can kind of see where you're coming from, but the bigger part of me says "suck it up!"   This is your friend's wedding day.  So, you don't feel like you look the hottest?  Who gives a crap.  It's not about you.

    It would've been one thing if you were just like "should I ask if I can wear a wrap", but the fact that you got into actually dropping out of the wedding if you don't get your way???   That spoke volumes to me.

    Agreed. Also, if you don't plan on telling anyone that you're pregnant until 1 month before the wedding and then you decide to step down, it really comes off as rude since it's such short notice if the bride wanted to find another bridesmaid.

  • I am kind of torn on this too...I understand wanting to be comfortable in how you look, but at the same time, it is her wedding day, and sucking it up and wearing a stupid dress goes with the territory of being a bridesmaid.  I don't think I would ever step down because I couldn't wear what I wanted, that seems a little overdramatic to me.  I would ask her how she felt about you wearing a wrap w/ the dress, and then if she is hesitant, you could just skip wearing it for the ceremony/pictures and wear it for the reception.
  • image Jolililas:
    image imoan:

    I'm torn about this post.  I can kind of see where you're coming from, but the bigger part of me says "suck it up!"   This is your friend's wedding day.  So, you don't feel like you look the hottest?  Who gives a crap.  It's not about you.

    It would've been one thing if you were just like "should I ask if I can wear a wrap", but the fact that you got into actually dropping out of the wedding if you don't get your way???   That spoke volumes to me.

    Agreed. Also, if you don't plan on telling anyone that you're pregnant until 1 month before the wedding and then you decide to step down, it really comes off as rude since it's such short notice if the bride wanted to find another bridesmaid.

    agreed!  Also, as a bride I would be more then peeved that you knew about it the entire time and didn't say anything until a month before.  I would speak to the bride now so she can decide what she would like for her wedding. 

  • Can you order a matching wrap or bolero type jacket in the same fabric as the dress? Most bridesmaid dress companies have these options. Or maybe a pashmina shawl in a complimenting color used in the wedding?

     You need to tell your SIL this now (don't wait until a month before to spring this on the bride- since it might be impossible to order something at that point). You don't have to say you are pregnant (but if you are good enough friends/relatives to be in her wedding, I think you can confide in her) just tell her you are self-conscious in the dress style and want more coverage. Most women should understand that. 

    I would strongly not wear a cardigan, that might look sloppy with a fancy BM dress. Get a wrap or boloero in a color and style both you AND the bride are happy with.  

    Don't drop out of the wedding over a dress. I imagine that would cause a lot of unnecessary family drama. You might be seen as a "baby who drops out b/c she can't wear what she wants, etc." Not that that is right, but some may look at it that way.  In the end, the wedding is about SIL and BIL, trust me, no one will be talking or mentioning your dress. I promise :)

    Good luck! I am sure you can work it out.  

  • Eh, I don't think the OP is complaining that she simply doesn't like the dress.  Some women are really uncomfortable in strapless dresses, especially if they are really busty-- not from a fashion perspective but a modesty perspective.  I would just talk to your SIL about it and see what she says.  Personally I wouldn't want my BMs to wear anything that made them uncomfortable. 
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  • image Jolililas:
    image imoan:

    I'm torn about this post.  I can kind of see where you're coming from, but the bigger part of me says "suck it up!"   This is your friend's wedding day.  So, you don't feel like you look the hottest?  Who gives a crap.  It's not about you.

    It would've been one thing if you were just like "should I ask if I can wear a wrap", but the fact that you got into actually dropping out of the wedding if you don't get your way???   That spoke volumes to me.

    Agreed. Also, if you don't plan on telling anyone that you're pregnant until 1 month before the wedding and then you decide to step down, it really comes off as rude since it's such short notice if the bride wanted to find another bridesmaid.

    Ditto and Ditto! Why don't you just talk to the bride? If you guys are close (which I would think so if you are in her wedding party) then I'm sure she'd understand either way... Just be upfront and honest. I think if you wait til last minute, that looks bad. Probably wouldn't even be the pregnancy part, but the fact that you didn't feel you could trust her... Just saying - pre wedding -  you're already stressed and emotional, do it ahead of time!

    image
  • I agree that you should talk to the bride. 

    Is there any way you could compromise with her? In the ceremony and the formal posed wedding party pictures you could dress like the other BMs and cover up for the reception so you feel more comfortable to dance, etc.

    See, part of me feels like you should feel comfortable and modest to your liking, but the other half of me says that you agree to forfeit your dress choice liberty when agreeing to be a bridesmaid.

    image image
  • Explain your concerns to the store that you purchased the dress from.  Ask to speak to their seamstress.  Bridal stores have seen it all!  Including pregnant bridesmaids (and brides!).

    If they cut the dress to get the length correct, ask that they save the material.  Also inquire if the company that makes the dress has any coordinating or matching jackets, wraps, or other coverups. 

    If you are uncomfortable about your boobs, then I'm guessing you think they'll get even bigger as your pregnancy progresses.  Although they DO get bigger, it really depends.  Also, for a first time pregnancy, most women don't "pop" until around month 5, so although you'll be bigger than usual, you won't be bursting at the seams.

    When you announce your pregnancy, tell your SIL about your concerns, and give her the options you have.  I wouldn't even think about volunteering to drop out unless your doctor told you to.  My best friend was 7 mos pregnant when I goet married,  She didn't wear the dress I picked, she had a copy made in a maternity style (you could not tell the difference).  It actually cost her less to make than it cost the other bms to buy!

  • I discuss it with her now/soon if you can.  It would be hard to replace you 1 month before the wedding.  My BF got married in November and her SIL was pregnant.  The SIL chose the strapless dress even though the chick at David's Bridal said it would probably be the least comfortable.  She was about 5 months pregnant at the wedding with baby #2 and was showing quite a bit.  She's an attractive girl, but looking back at the pictures, the dress was not suited for her pregnant body.  Personally, I want to look back at my pics and see that my girls looked comfortable and wore a dress that was flattering on them.  I let my girls have a lot of say-so for their dresses and wouldn't ask them to wear anything they're not comfortable wearing especially since they're paying for it!
  • yep talk to her,

    and why are you waiting so long to announce youre pg?

    also please rememeber not to announce youre pg at her shower or party for her, that happened to someone i knew, the pg girl had NO idea how rude it was to steal the limelight. it really dissapointed the bride.

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  • I don't understand how you being pregnant is tying in here.

    The key issue seems to be that you don't feel you have enough coverage in the style of dress the bride has picked.

    Are you worried that pregnancy will make your breasts much larger and therefore make you more exposed? If that's not the concern then how is your pregnancy relevant.

    It seems to me that the issue i you'd like more coverage in your dress. That's not unreasonable and I don't see why you can't have the discussion with the bride and say, "My arms/breasts/whatever feel really exposed in this dress, would it be ok to add a wrap?" 

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  • My BM dresses were strapless, but they came with straps any way, if you wanted to use them. My SIL felt more comfortable wearing the straps since they pulled the dress up a little more, maybe this would work for you, to give you a little support. In our wedding pictures, SIL didnt look out of place being the only one who would be wearing straps.

  • image Jolililas:
    [Agreed. Also, if you don't plan on telling anyone that you're pregnant until 1 month before the wedding and then you decide to step down, it really comes off as rude since it's such short notice if the bride wanted to find another bridesmaid.

    Have you ever gone on TK?

    Do *not* go on there with this attitude as you will be ripped a new one.

    If you ask a dear friend to be an attendant in your wedding and for whatever reason they couldn't fulfill it, the most insensitive and just plain rude thing you can do is to replace them. Are your friends really that replaceable, like little dolls? Wow.  

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  • image ccannady2:
    I discuss it with her now/soon if you can.  It would be hard to replace you 1 month before the wedding.  My BF got married in November and her SIL was pregnant.  The SIL chose the strapless dress even though the chick at David's Bridal said it would probably be the least comfortable.  She was about 5 months pregnant at the wedding with baby #2 and was showing quite a bit.  She's an attractive girl, but looking back at the pictures, the dress was not suited for her pregnant body.  Personally, I want to look back at my pics and see that my girls looked comfortable and wore a dress that was flattering on them.  I let my girls have a lot of say-so for their dresses and wouldn't ask them to wear anything they're not comfortable wearing especially since they're paying for it!

    What's up with all the "oh, don't worry, she can replace you but please, oh please, give her enough notice to do so!" responses today.

    Go over to the TK and right on the top of the WP board, it literally says "Replacing a pregnant bridesmaid? No!"

    That goes for all bridesmaids, not just the PG ones. Geez.

    "Weddings are not about equal sides. Your marriage will not be void without a certain number of attendants on each side."

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  • I'd tell the bride ASAP that you're pregnant and explain the situation. Don't wait until a month before the wedding.

    It DOES kind of sound like you are using the pregnancy as an excuse to not wear the strapless dress.

  • Um... Then you tell the bride that you can't be in the wedding. I mean this isn't a serious issue...
  • My sister was 'just showing' pregnant at my wedding. I didn't care what she wore, it was more important to me that she was there!

    If you don't want to tell anyone that youre preggo, spin the angel that you don't feel comfortable. If your SIL is understanding she wont care if everyone looks the same, she'll make sure you get a cover up so you can enjoy her special day with her!

    I would not wear a sweater though, get a wrap!

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  • Congratulations! I would be honest with the bride and tell her that you'd feel more comfortable wearing something for a bit more coverage. Maybe you could take the extra fabric from the dress and have a nice wrap made out of it.
  • Just tell the bride you're not comfortable without a wrap.  If the pregnancy plays a big part in that comfort, then I'd tell her that then too.

    FWIW, one of DHs friends pulled a FG out of our wedding about a month before the wedding.  Finances were tight and they weren't able to afford to send the little girl up from states away.  Though we understand the bind they were in, DH was hurt that his close friend wasn't able to be honest with him.  Had we been given more notice, we'd have found a way to make it work (FF miles or something), rather than have had the little girl have to miss it. 

    There is still time to have a wrap made or to have straps added onto the dress...or any other miriad of other options to make you being in the wedding work...but the process of finding an alternative can't begin until you are honest with those involved. 

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