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a bit of a vent...

I hadn't heard from my ex-FI since I told him to leave a little over a month ago. He all of a sudden shows up at my apartment, unannounced, to talk. I MADE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE TO LET HIM IN, but I did because I wanted to hear what he had to say. As expected, he wanted to tell me how big of a mistake he made for not caring in the first place, and how he should of known better and blah blah blah. I didn't feel that he was sincere about it so I told him how I felt about him showing up to my door(which btw I moved to a new apt and have no idea how he found out where I live.but whatever), and feeding me another shiny plate of BS. He continued to beg, until I got fed up and told him too leave. I'm guessing that by telling him to leave it turned on a switch and he just went off. He tells me that he found out about me going out with a guy friend and that we looked like we were more then just friends, I could not stop laughing when he said this as though it had mattered if we were or weren't. Then he proceeds to tell me that he is going to take me too court for custody of the children because (quoting him) "women who are out dating right after they break up with their fianc? are not fit to be good mother's". After he said that, I felt my eyes roll back like the girl in the exorcist movie and honestly felt like throwing my cutlery set at the d-bag for even commenting on my mothering of the children. Instead I took a deep flucking breath and showed him to the door, he just kept mouthing off, but so that I wouldn't commit murder I just ignored him. The kids are asleep, and luckily he didn't wake them up with his stupidity. I can't seem to understand what the fvck is wrong with this a-hole, and why did it take so long for me too just leave. He's not right, I would be damned if he even attempts to try to gain custody of the children. He is so damn lucky I haven't gone out looking for child support since I know he is unemployed(once again). I feel disgusted at him, I didn't feel sh!t in my heart for him when I saw him. But, the joke was definitely on me since I thought he was going to change. If anything, I feel like these whole 6 years with him was just all a lie, the d-bag was just playing house with me. UGHHHHHH!!! I seriously feel like I want to rip his throat into pieces and shove it in his butt. Sorry for the cursing(lol), but what is a vent without sounding like a truck driver.

Re: a bit of a vent...

  • He won't take you to court for custody.

    He doesn't have a job, so that won't score him points with a judge and he probably can't even afford an attorney. Abandoning your kids spontaneously for 6 weeks without any contact also won't look good to a judge.

    He's just trying to piss you off.

    How's counseling going for you? Do you feel like it helped you better deal with him today?

    Do you have a physical release for your anger - like punching pillows or running sprints or something like that?

    Hope is not a strategy.
  • counseling has helped a lot with dealing with his actions and what he has done.  I think that with what I have learned talking to her, really opened my eyes to a different point of view.  Right now I am massaging the hell out of the stress ball I have, and that is really not doing it but hey better then nothing right.  The funny thing is that this "guy friend" has a punching bag in his house, and I could really get some good use out of it.lol.
  • Who you date (aside from porn stars and members of the taliban or pedophiles/criminals) will not impact any court decision so long you aren't exposing tykes to danger.

     He has issues.  Thank god you got away!

  • Just continue to tell yourself "at least I got away before we signed papers"... Seriously!
  • You seriously dodged a bullet. Count your blessings and continue the counselling. It sounds like it's working. Stay strong!
    [IMG]http://i47.tinypic.com/29az2ps.jpg[/IMG]
  • If you havent heard from him in over a month, how was he seeing the kids that you are "not fit to be a mother to"? 

    I am guessing he hasnt seen them -- does he think that makes him "fit to be a father?"

     

  • file for child support anyway. He will have a job sooner or later and it's his responsibility to help take care of his kids.
  • image Myna:
    file for child support anyway. He will have a job sooner or later and it's his responsibility to help take care of his kids.

     This.  This is your kids money that you are denying them.  Please do it!

  • image Myna:
    file for child support anyway. He will have a job sooner or later and it's his responsibility to help take care of his kids.

    This. And don't be shoked when he pushes for a paternity test and tries to claim he doesn't believe the kids are his--he's a douche and will continue to be one anyway he can find.

    And get a journal and start documenting the facts--not your reactions/feelings/etc--just the date/time he contacted you, what the contact was about, etc. If you want/need, keep a separate journal to vent/whim/b!itch in. This one is to document all his interactions with you and your kids so when he tries to claim he would be a better parent, you can objectively show documentation of his lack of involvement, support, and interest in them.

  • image jonesdouglas:
    Just continue to tell yourself "at least I got away before we signed papers"... Seriously!

    no, thank god I followed my gut feeling too wait!!!  I could not imagine this mess if I did go to city hall with him..I just got goosebumps typing that.  Seriously.

  • image Velvetshady:

    image Myna:
    file for child support anyway. He will have a job sooner or later and it's his responsibility to help take care of his kids.

    This. And don't be shoked when he pushes for a paternity test and tries to claim he doesn't believe the kids are his--he's a douche and will continue to be one anyway he can find.

    And get a journal and start documenting the facts--not your reactions/feelings/etc--just the date/time he contacted you, what the contact was about, etc. If you want/need, keep a separate journal to vent/whim/b!itch in. This one is to document all his interactions with you and your kids so when he tries to claim he would be a better parent, you can objectively show documentation of his lack of involvement, support, and interest in them.

    Sounds like a good idea, the counselor had told me about the journal thing for venting my feelings and stuff and I had been doing that since. I think documenting all that he might attempt to do would be a good idea. I wouldn't be surprised if he did ask for a paternity test, he actually used to joke about it "that's the milk man's baby". I am just real glad that I got rid of it, I can't believe how in love with him I was and I still to this day can't see why I was so in love.

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