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Others not respecting lack of relationship

I haven't talked to my mother in several months for a number of reasons. My sisters both have contact with her. Over the last few weeks, they've really tried to make me feel guilty not talking to Mom.

I've tried explaining why I don't want a relationship, and they - like her - are completely dismissive. Why am I not entitled to feel the way I feel? Why can't we agree to disagree? I don't tell them to cut off contact with her, why are they trying to make me have a relationship I'm not interested in? 

Sigh, vent over. 

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Re: Others not respecting lack of relationship

  • Here's your problem: I've tried explaining why I don't want a relationship...

    Stop explaining anything to them--it's not their business, and it just gives them an entry to argue with you.  When they bring it up--every. single. time--say, "this topic is not up for discussion."  Repeat as many times as necessary. 

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  • I've had a similar situation and I told my sister that it was none of her business. That my relationship with my mother is mine to handle, and that she needs to stay out of it.

    Pissed her right off, and she went whining to my mother. Which infuriated my mother, who tried to pick another fight with me, but I used that as an opportunity to remind my mother that our problems should be handled and dealt with by the two of us, without other family members joining in. I doubt we all agree on this, but nobody sticks their nose in my business anymore.


  • I don't speak to my dad and it was hard for my sister to accept at first, so we went through what you described.

    I explained that she didn't have to like my decision, but she had to respect it. I told her I understood if she was hurt or upset, but I wouldn't be talking about it further with her.

    Of course, she brought it up a few more times, but I kept repeating the above statement.

    GL!

    Hope is not a strategy.
  • image zelda25:

    Here's your problem: I've tried explaining why I don't want a relationship...

    Stop explaining anything to them--it's not their business, and it just gives them an entry to argue with you.  When they bring it up--every. single. time--say, "this topic is not up for discussion."  Repeat as many times as necessary. 

    Ditto 100%.  And follow up that statement w/ hanging up the phone or walking away if necessary.  They keep bringing it up becasue you keep discussing it.  Shut the topic idown.  Do not entertain it anymore.
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
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  • image EastCoastBride:
    image zelda25:

    Here's your problem: I've tried explaining why I don't want a relationship...

    Stop explaining anything to them--it's not their business, and it just gives them an entry to argue with you.  When they bring it up--every. single. time--say, "this topic is not up for discussion."  Repeat as many times as necessary. 

    Ditto 100%.  And follow up that statement w/ hanging up the phone or walking away if necessary.  They keep bringing it up becasue you keep discussing it.  Shut the topic idown.  Do not entertain it anymore.

    Ditto.

    FYI - - I have had the same problem that you are experiencing.  DH doesn't speak to several members of his family.  His family, his choice (although I do agree with him).

    My mom tries to bring up the "but they are family....." card.  When she does that, I say "we don't speak to them because they annoy us.  If you keep it up (telling me I should reconcile with my ILS), you're next!"  That at least ends the conversation. 

  • Why are you explaining? It seems to me your point has been made and they just don't want to respect it. Everytime they bring that situation up I would end the conversation right there. Its enough to not agree but do you really need to have a discussion about it all the time?

  • You don't have to explain anything... Seems like you just want the satisfaction of knowing that someone understands and thats not always necessary.
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