September 2009 Weddings
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BFF having drama - wwyd?

Okay, my BFF is engaged to this guy. She moved across the country to be with him when he wanted to move to california.  She's upset b/c he says he's depressed, doesn't want to hurt her, love her (yatta yatta yatta - the same old crap), but that he's interested in other women. 

What would you tell your best friend if the guy she was engaged to told her he was interested in other women?  What advice would you give?
[IMG]http://i43.tinypic.com/xn4wns.jpg[/IMG]

"My best friend is a pitbull."

<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Ovulation Calculator"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt137dbe.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>
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Re: BFF having drama - wwyd?

  • Leave him.
    [ <a target="_blank" title="http://tinyurl.com/972uqu" href="http://tinyurl.com/972uqu"> Jill & Doug September 6, 2009 </a> ][ <a target="_blank" title="http://lighthousediaries.blogspot.com" href="http://lighthousediaries.blogspot.com/"> The Lighthouse Diaries </a>]

    [IMG]http://i52.tinypic.com/nvdwg1.jpg[/IMG]
  • image D74LeadinLady:
    Leave him.

    Exactly this.  He needed to figure out he was attracted to other women BEFORE he put that ring on her finger.  Anything else is pure @sshole.

    White Knot
    Stand up for something you believe in. White Knot
  • Yeah... i thought that too, but was afraid of being harsh.  But she just told me that he's kissed other women and has a "crush" on someone.  That makes it easy for me to tell her to get the hell outta there.
    [IMG]http://i43.tinypic.com/xn4wns.jpg[/IMG]

    "My best friend is a pitbull."

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Ovulation Calculator"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt137dbe.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>
  • image telatovich:
    Yeah... i thought that too, but was afraid of being harsh.  But she just told me that he's kissed other women and has a "crush" on someone.  That makes it easy for me to tell her to get the hell outta there.

    It's not harsh.  it's real.  You can't blow puppies and rainbows up your friend's arse when her future is at stake...

  • image telatovich:
    Yeah... i thought that too, but was afraid of being harsh.  But she just told me that he's kissed other women and has a "crush" on someone.  That makes it easy for me to tell her to get the hell outta there.

    If you sugar coat it and tell her that things will get better (or whatever you were planning to say) then I see a very expensive (READ: divorce) in her future.

    [ <a target="_blank" title="http://tinyurl.com/972uqu" href="http://tinyurl.com/972uqu"> Jill & Doug September 6, 2009 </a> ][ <a target="_blank" title="http://lighthousediaries.blogspot.com" href="http://lighthousediaries.blogspot.com/"> The Lighthouse Diaries </a>]

    [IMG]http://i52.tinypic.com/nvdwg1.jpg[/IMG]
  • Agree with pp's-she needs to run.  fast. 
    [IMG]http://i54.tinypic.com/2vbo2hj.jpg[/IMG]
  • Is it wrong to suggest she keep the ring and sell it to pay for the cost she incurred from following him out to CA?

     

    ETA: And yes, I know the answer to this. But... ugh.

  • Oh, i know you guys are right.  I'm not sugar coating anything at this point. 

    I'll never cease to be amazed buy how trashy some men (and women, for that matter) really can be. 

    Thanks.
    [IMG]http://i43.tinypic.com/xn4wns.jpg[/IMG]

    "My best friend is a pitbull."

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Ovulation Calculator"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt137dbe.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>
  • image shakken:

    Is it wrong to suggest she keep the ring and sell it to pay for the cost she incurred from following him out to CA?

    It depends on whether or not they set the wedding date.  If so, yes, because he provided a contract to marry her.  If not she's technically supposed to give it back.

    White Knot
    Stand up for something you believe in. White Knot
  • image maryandkirk0909:
    image shakken:

    Is it wrong to suggest she keep the ring and sell it to pay for the cost she incurred from following him out to CA?

    It depends on whether or not they set the wedding date.  If so, yes, because he provided a contract to marry her.  If not she's technically supposed to give it back.

    Unless it was given to her as a gift! :D

  • image maryandkirk0909:
    image shakken:

    Is it wrong to suggest she keep the ring and sell it to pay for the cost she incurred from following him out to CA?

    It depends on whether or not they set the wedding date.  If so, yes, because he provided a contract to marry her.  If not she's technically supposed to give it back.

    Yeah. She probably should give it back. But... I'm just thinking a. this guy is a certain feminine hygiene cleanser product, and b. she's probably going to want to move back out of Cali after all of this.... 

    So there's a very bad part of me that wants her to keep the ring.

  • image MrsMcC091909:
    image maryandkirk0909:
    image shakken:

    Is it wrong to suggest she keep the ring and sell it to pay for the cost she incurred from following him out to CA?

    It depends on whether or not they set the wedding date.  If so, yes, because he provided a contract to marry her.  If not she's technically supposed to give it back.

    Unless it was given to her as a gift! :D

    It's only considered a gift if it was given on a gift giving holiday.

    [ <a target="_blank" title="http://tinyurl.com/972uqu" href="http://tinyurl.com/972uqu"> Jill & Doug September 6, 2009 </a> ][ <a target="_blank" title="http://lighthousediaries.blogspot.com" href="http://lighthousediaries.blogspot.com/"> The Lighthouse Diaries </a>]

    [IMG]http://i52.tinypic.com/nvdwg1.jpg[/IMG]
  • image shakken:
    image maryandkirk0909:
    image shakken:

    Is it wrong to suggest she keep the ring and sell it to pay for the cost she incurred from following him out to CA?

    It depends on whether or not they set the wedding date.  If so, yes, because he provided a contract to marry her.  If not she's technically supposed to give it back.

    Yeah. She probably should give it back. But... I'm just thinking a. this guy is a certain feminine hygiene cleanser product, and b. she's probably going to want to move back out of Cali after all of this.... 

    So there's a very bad part of me that wants her to keep the ring.

    You can say "douche"... it's ok...

  • image D74LeadinLady:
    image MrsMcC091909:
    image maryandkirk0909:
    image shakken:

    Is it wrong to suggest she keep the ring and sell it to pay for the cost she incurred from following him out to CA?

    It depends on whether or not they set the wedding date.  If so, yes, because he provided a contract to marry her.  If not she's technically supposed to give it back.

    Unless it was given to her as a gift! :D

    It's only considered a gift if it was given on a gift giving holiday.

    I know that... that's what I meant.

  • image MrsMcC091909:
    image shakken:
    image maryandkirk0909:
    image shakken:

    Is it wrong to suggest she keep the ring and sell it to pay for the cost she incurred from following him out to CA?

    It depends on whether or not they set the wedding date.  If so, yes, because he provided a contract to marry her.  If not she's technically supposed to give it back.

    Yeah. She probably should give it back. But... I'm just thinking a. this guy is a certain feminine hygiene cleanser product, and b. she's probably going to want to move back out of Cali after all of this.... 

    So there's a very bad part of me that wants her to keep the ring.

    You can say "douche"... it's ok...

    Hrm... I thought that was a banned word for some reason. So I can say "douche" but I can't say that my friend graduated summa *** laude? 

  • image MrsMcC091909:
    image D74LeadinLady:
    image MrsMcC091909:
    image maryandkirk0909:
    image shakken:

    Is it wrong to suggest she keep the ring and sell it to pay for the cost she incurred from following him out to CA?

    It depends on whether or not they set the wedding date.  If so, yes, because he provided a contract to marry her.  If not she's technically supposed to give it back.

    Unless it was given to her as a gift! :D

    It's only considered a gift if it was given on a gift giving holiday.

    I know that... that's what I meant.

    right.  

    White Knot
    Stand up for something you believe in. White Knot
  • image shakken:
    image MrsMcC091909:
    image shakken:
    image maryandkirk0909:
    image shakken:

    Is it wrong to suggest she keep the ring and sell it to pay for the cost she incurred from following him out to CA?

    It depends on whether or not they set the wedding date.  If so, yes, because he provided a contract to marry her.  If not she's technically supposed to give it back.

    Yeah. She probably should give it back. But... I'm just thinking a. this guy is a certain feminine hygiene cleanser product, and b. she's probably going to want to move back out of Cali after all of this.... 

    So there's a very bad part of me that wants her to keep the ring.

    You can say "douche"... it's ok...

    Hrm... I thought that was a banned word for some reason. So I can say "douche" but I can't say that my friend graduated summa *** laude? 

    Yes.  lol.  

    White Knot
    Stand up for something you believe in. White Knot
  • tela you need to tell her to leave him. now. if she doesnt and they get married, it will likely end in divorce. but the real issue is...will it end in divorce before or after they have children?

    she needs to do the responsible thing and leave him while she is the only person that is going to get hurt in the whole thing.

    [IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/2pzxst3.jpg[/IMG]
  • image maryandkirk0909:
    image shakken:
    image MrsMcC091909:
    image shakken:
    image maryandkirk0909:
    image shakken:

    Is it wrong to suggest she keep the ring and sell it to pay for the cost she incurred from following him out to CA?

    It depends on whether or not they set the wedding date.  If so, yes, because he provided a contract to marry her.  If not she's technically supposed to give it back.

    Yeah. She probably should give it back. But... I'm just thinking a. this guy is a certain feminine hygiene cleanser product, and b. she's probably going to want to move back out of Cali after all of this.... 

    So there's a very bad part of me that wants her to keep the ring.

    You can say "douche"... it's ok...

    Hrm... I thought that was a banned word for some reason. So I can say "douche" but I can't say that my friend graduated summa *** laude? 

    Yes.  lol.  

    <3 TN.

    Seriously though, she needs to get out of there. The sooner the better. She's worth more than this. And hopefully she realizes that and isn't letting him cut down her self esteem. 

    And the only reason I bring up the ring is that, if she's anything like Tela, she's super sweet and probably wouldn't think of doing something like that. And maybe it's a legit option....

  • I hate when you have a icky gut feeling about a friend's significant other... and then they prove you right.  Ugh. 

    Also - i'm surprised you can say douche too!!

    [IMG]http://i43.tinypic.com/xn4wns.jpg[/IMG]

    "My best friend is a pitbull."

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Ovulation Calculator"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt137dbe.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>
  • Yep, she needs to tell him peace out, sucka. No woman deserves that BS.
  • image telatovich:

    I hate when you have a icky gut feeling about a friend's significant other... and then they prove you right.  Ugh. 

    Also - i'm surprised you can say douche too!!

    Note to Tela: Do not help her get her spirits back up by hooking her up with one of H's friends.  Trust me, it will not be good.  I speak from experience.

    White Knot
    Stand up for something you believe in. White Knot
  • image maryandkirk0909:
    image telatovich:

    I hate when you have a icky gut feeling about a friend's significant other... and then they prove you right.  Ugh. 

    Also - i'm surprised you can say douche too!!

    Note to Tela: Do not help her get her spirits back up by hooking her up with one of H's friends.  Trust me, it will not be good.  I speak from experience.

     Good to know, although neither DH or i have IRL friends we talked to.

    However, i just told her "once a womanizing creep, always one."  to which she replied, "it's not always that cut and dry."  oh no... here we go. :(

    [IMG]http://i43.tinypic.com/xn4wns.jpg[/IMG]

    "My best friend is a pitbull."

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Ovulation Calculator"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt137dbe.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>
  • im sorry but if she can overlook the fact that he is kissing other women and has crushes on them, even though she's reaching out to you i think that she wants you to justify his and her actions. dont do it.

    but also dont feel defeated when she throws your concern to the wayside and marries him anyway because i really think thats what shes going to do TBH.

    [IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/2pzxst3.jpg[/IMG]
  • image steeser03:

    but also dont feel defeated when she throws your concern to the wayside and marries him anyway because i really think thats what shes going to do TBH.



    Yeah, me too.  So do i still be a BM in their wedding if i don't feel good about it?
    [IMG]http://i43.tinypic.com/xn4wns.jpg[/IMG]

    "My best friend is a pitbull."

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Ovulation Calculator"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt137dbe.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>
  • image telatovich:
    image steeser03:

    but also dont feel defeated when she throws your concern to the wayside and marries him anyway because i really think thats what shes going to do TBH.



    Yeah, me too.  So do i still be a BM in their wedding if i don't feel good about it?

    i would. at that point...you've said your piece, she's made her decision regardless. i think you will kick yourself later if you arent there for her. and honestly, not being her BM isnt going to get her to see your point its just going to make her resent you.

    [IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/2pzxst3.jpg[/IMG]
  • image telatovich:
    image steeser03:

    but also dont feel defeated when she throws your concern to the wayside and marries him anyway because i really think thats what shes going to do TBH.



    Yeah, me too.  So do i still be a BM in their wedding if i don't feel good about it?

    That's a harder call.  I was going to be MoH in my BFF's wedding even though she was marrying a douche because I saw it as supporting her, not necessarily supporting their relationship.  She knew I didn't like him or how she was treated, so it wasn't like I stood by and said nothing, and me saying I wasn't going to be in their wedding wasn't going to accomplish anything but making her more isolated when she's going to need people there after the unavoidable break up, divorce, etc.

    White Knot
    Stand up for something you believe in. White Knot
  • image steeser03:
    image telatovich:
    image steeser03:

    but also dont feel defeated when she throws your concern to the wayside and marries him anyway because i really think thats what shes going to do TBH.



    Yeah, me too.  So do i still be a BM in their wedding if i don't feel good about it?

    i would. at that point...you've said your piece, she's made her decision regardless. i think you will kick yourself later if you arent there for her. and honestly, not being her BM isnt going to get her to see your point its just going to make her resent you.



    Man, you're good.
    [IMG]http://i43.tinypic.com/xn4wns.jpg[/IMG]

    "My best friend is a pitbull."

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Ovulation Calculator"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt137dbe.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0" /></a>
  • image telatovich:
    image steeser03:
    image telatovich:
    image steeser03:

    but also dont feel defeated when she throws your concern to the wayside and marries him anyway because i really think thats what shes going to do TBH.



    Yeah, me too.  So do i still be a BM in their wedding if i don't feel good about it?

    i would. at that point...you've said your piece, she's made her decision regardless. i think you will kick yourself later if you arent there for her. and honestly, not being her BM isnt going to get her to see your point its just going to make her resent you.



    Man, you're good.

    thank you thank you. i should charge by the hour ;)

    [IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/2pzxst3.jpg[/IMG]
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