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Does this relationship have a potential future?

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Re: Does this relationship have a potential future?

  • known him for 4 yrs, dating for 1 yr.

    Only seems to want sex about once a month and that's if he's been drinking to the point of being drunk.... Red Flag.

    Doesn't really want to hang around w you if he's sober....Red Flag

    Is not affectionate, but you are 'Starved for attention'... Red Flag

    You try to cuddle up,, he moves away....Red Flag

    You say I love you,,, he is 'eh, ok' but rails about how you changed all the rules the next day when he's drunk.....Red Flag

    It seems he only wants closeness when he's drunk... major Big Red Flag.

     Being happy with you and wanting you in the same city in the circumstances you've laid out make it seem like he wants a comfy spot for sex when he wants. This is not a reflection of your desirability or anything about you- it's his issues, his selfishness.

    Talk to him. Also realize you can't make him change if he doesn't want to. Quite honestly, I'd start looking for other guys to get the relationship I needed. Sounds like you'd be settling here for crumbs. And alcohol soaked ones at that. 

  • 3 bottles of wine in one night? And he's got to be drinking plenty, too, when you are not with him. This dude's liver must be doing the samba.:(
  • Sounds like your not his only woman.  Ditch him and start using your brain.
  • I'm thinkin' it's not looking good for the future.

    It is possible to have a relationship with a guy who will listen to your wants and fufill your needs...and even do it with a smile! Sounds like your guy has a lot of baggage and you two aren't really in the same place emotions-wise.

    If you're starved for affection, and he's not giving it, you'll never be happy with that.  Easy peasy.

  • I think you two need to sit down and have a talk. Where is this going for the both of you. Where do you want it to go? The questions you want him to answer? You should be prepared to tell him as well.

    The answers he gives you, should tell you right away. If the conversation is filled with a lot of filler, and not a lot of content, or answers to your questions, or insight, that would be your answer right there.

     

    And don't answer for him either. Ask him a question, let him answer. If he is quiet, or stumbling for an answer, let him stumble and search for words, don't give him the words to make you feel better.

     

    In my opinion, you deserve better than this guy, but let him tell you that. 

     

    ETA: A great question would be, Why are you only interested in pursuing things with me when you are sloshed?

    You know you deserve better than this guy. 

    " love doesn't conquer aids, child molestation or complete douchebaggery" - Interrobang
    "Glitter is the herpes of arts and crafts. It stays on you forever."

  • Here's the genius realization I came to when I started dating my H. (I say genius because I wish it had occurred to me earlier--it would have saved me time and energy and heartache.)  It's supposed to be fun! It's not supposed to be something that you have to stress over or worry about or overthink. It's supposed to be fun. That's not to say it's never going to be work (stuff happens--things come up), but you shouldn't have to work at making him want to be with you. At this stage of the game, he should be falling over himself from wanting to be with you. If he isn't, you want someone who will. This is what I tell my sisters, so I'm passing it on to you. :) Get rid of him and get ready for the next great adventure.

  • image benloveslaurel:

    Here's the genius realization I came to when I started dating my H. (I say genius because I wish it had occurred to me earlier--it would have saved me time and energy and heartache.)  It's supposed to be fun! It's not supposed to be something that you have to stress over or worry about or overthink. It's supposed to be fun. That's not to say it's never going to be work (stuff happens--things come up), but you shouldn't have to work at making him want to be with you. At this stage of the game, he should be falling over himself from wanting to be with you. If he isn't, you want someone who will. This is what I tell my sisters, so I'm passing it on to you. :) Get rid of him and get ready for the next great adventure.

     

    I completely agree with you benloveslaurel!!  Yes, marriages are work but even when we have a disagreement, I NEVER question whether I should be with him or not...I know we are in it all together and we'll come through the tough times (which right now for us consist of money issues.)  And they most certainly do not go round and round and round and round...

    OP - Hope you take the good advice from all these wonderful ladies...life is too short to spend it with someone who doesn't love you back as much as you love them...it's magical to know my husband loves me just as much as I love him. Those little sparks are so important!  GL

    [IMG]http://i47.tinypic.com/b9hgd5.jpg[/IMG]



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