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Confusing question

Ok so this lady I work with, Donna, has a son, Chris, who just got engaged to a girl, Amy.  Chris is really close with his 2 cousins and Amy bought them both a $50 gc to a restaurant plus bought their kids toys for Christmas. (which they are having this weekend)  Donna said she way over spent compared to what the cousins spent on her.  Donna wants to know if she should say something to her neices (the cousins) or if she should just leave it.  she doesnt want anyone to feel bad. what would you do?

Re: Confusing question

  • Leave it.  Either she has a bigger budget, or she'll realize it was pretty unbalanced and next year she'll adjust.  But she might not care and it's not Donna's place to get involved.
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  • Exactly what ECB said.  Donna should not worry about it. 
  • I think it would be petty to gripe about that.  There's no rule that says when you exchange gifts, the prices should be comparable. There could be a lot of factors here such as different budgets, one person could have more people to buy for than the other, etc. It's the thought that goes into the gift.   
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  • Ditto ECB. It isn't Donna's business what anyone spent on anyone else in this matter. None of the gifts are for her or from her. Amy's relationship with the cousins is also not her business. Chris' business, yes. Donna's - no.
  • what the heck was she gonna say?  " you didnt spend enough money on gifts?"  

    Gifts should be given because you WANT to give and you shouldnt expect anything in return.

     

  • image Mrs.H.:

    what the heck was she gonna say?  " you didnt spend enough money on gifts?"  

    Gifts should be given because you WANT to give and you shouldnt expect anything in return.

     

    Chris is worried about how Amy is going to feel so he talked to Donna about it, that is the only reason Donna is involved.  And with Donna knowing the girls so well(they are like her daughters) she thinks they will feel bad as well because they didnt spend as much.

  • image minette22:
    image Mrs.H.:

    what the heck was she gonna say?  " you didnt spend enough money on gifts?"  

    Gifts should be given because you WANT to give and you shouldnt expect anything in return.

     

    Chris is worried about how Amy is going to feel so he talked to Donna about it, that is the only reason Donna is involved.  And with Donna knowing the girls so well(they are like her daughters) she thinks they will feel bad as well because they didnt spend as much.

    She's new to the family. She went overboard with gifts. She's now had experience with the family norm. Next year might be different...perhaps not; she might just like giving gifts. People shouldn't feel guilty about what they do or do not give, and no one needs to draw attention to it.

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  • I think this is a situation where Donna has to mind her own business, and Amy has to figure out what the "family norm" is.  And, if they were spending less than the "norm," (more on Chris, less on Amy, or just less in general), then they might be having budget problems, or don't know how to figure out a budget for "fiancee." (more than gf, less than wife?)

    If Amy were telling me about this, I would say "well, now you know what your cousins' budget is.....if you feel it was uneven, then spend less next year."  I would also say "if you spend a lot on the kids - - DON'T!!  Kids do not need for you to buy a $60 toy to be happy!  They are happy with Mr. PotatoHead or a magic 8 ball." 

    It might take a couple of Christmases for everything to even out. 

  • Completely agree with all of the above. Donna has no room to get involved. Amy will learn for next year..and the cousins will as well!:)
  • Donna is just a very sweet lady who doesnt want anyone's feelings to get hurt on Christmas!!! That is the only reason she is wondering what she should do in this situation! she doesnt want anyone's feelings to get hurt. 

    I did tell her not to say anything.  Thanks for the advice

  • I say leave it. She didn't buy the gifts thinking about what she was going to get out of it. Chris should have probably said something to her about the cost of the gifts, but either way I'm sure she wanted to do that.
  • Leave it. She probably just wnated to buy them those gifts. I bought my cousin a gift, knowing she probably didn't buy me one. Maybe Amy knows that too. If anyone 'has' to do anything(which they don't) whoever she is with(chris?) could say something at the time of purchase, but it's too late now anyway.
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