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No motherly feelings

So I'm hoping BNOTB is the right spot for this one. I'm 28 and married, and have absolutely no maternal feelings towards babies.  They make me uncomfortable, and I do not think they are cute at all.  I adore kids older than say.. 4 or 5, but I'm scared I will never want a baby... has anyone else ever had these feelings?  Is something wrong with me??
I have been absolutely open with DH, and he insists when the time comes we will figure it out together.  I'm scared by the time I want a baby (if ever), I'll be too old.
Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: No motherly feelings

  • you still have about 8-10 years before your "old"

    I have mixed feelings about babies

  • Do you want kids but it's just babies you don't like? If so there are thousands of older kids that desperately need to be adopted into loving homes!

  • I have young parents, and I love that. My mom was 22 when she had me, and we are extremely close. I hate the thought of being in my 50's when any future kids of mine graduate high school. But I seriously am uncomfortable around babies. My question is serious.. is there something wrong with me??
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • nothing is wrong with you


  • As far as the adoption discussion - that's for another day, and we are not opposed to it, however if we have kids, our first choice would be to have our own. I do WANT babies eventually, maybe, but they just really make me uncomfortable.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'm not about to try to persuade you one way or the other, but just wondering:  How much are you around babies?  Like...once a week?  Once a month?  Once a year?  Whose babies are they?  Do you have any nieces and nephews?

    I ask this because I've been around LOTS of babies - I even used to change my little brother's diapers when I was 10 (we had a big family), so I've been experienced with what it entails.  I also have 5 nephews and a niece.

    M (DH), has had absolutely no experience with kids and until he was around all my nephews and niece, he was terrified of them!  He would constantly say how he had no desire to have kids after being around other peoples' kids, but being around ones that actually meant something to him, it changed things.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you haven't had any comfortable experiences with babies, they ARE pretty terrifying.  Kids may or may not be your thing - there are MANY women who don't ever want them, and that's awesome!  But I wouldn't write them off based entirely on other peoples' kids who you have no reason to have a connection to.

    I absolutely adore my little nephews and niece, but no, I don't feel any connection whatsoever to other peoples' kids, and would prefer they stay far, far away from me.  I kinda want to throat-punch this guy at church who keeps pushing his twin grandkids on M and I EVERY freaking Sunday!

  • is this where the clich?d response of "its different when its your own" comes in?
  • First of all, don't let ANYONE attempt to force or coerce you into having a baby if YOU are not ready.  Including your husband. 

    Secondly, I think women are born knowing whether or not they want to be mothers.  For me, I'm missing that maternal gene.  And I'm perfectly fine with it.  I'd like to get my husband snipped but he doesn't want a knife anywhere near his parts.  I may get the Essure procedure done though.


    My favorite Cake Wreck ever.

  • I'm 26, spent lots of time around babies/little kids, and they still make me extremely uncomfortable. I don't like even being in the same room with them; they don't even have to be awake. I don't find them cute or endearing, and nothing they do elicits an "awww" response. I've always been that way and I don't expect to change.
  • image RevJen:

    First of all, don't let ANYONE attempt to force or coerce you into having a baby if YOU are not ready.  Including your husband. 

    Secondly, I think women are born knowing whether or not they want to be mothers.  For me, I'm missing that maternal gene.  And I'm perfectly fine with it.  I'd like to get my husband snipped but he doesn't want a knife anywhere near his parts.  I may get the Essure procedure done though.


    I totally think some women are missing the maternal gene while others have to much of it (octomom).

    I only care for babies i am close to, at the daycare i work at if im placed in the baby room i shiver....i do not know the babies and i have no connection to them. I will not be having kids, if for some reason i have to have a child then i will adopt and its an option both me and H have agreed on. Its your life and no one can tell you what to do with it. Enjoy life without a child!

    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    Whatchoo looking at?

  • I don't have any and pretty much knew that from the age of 13 or 14.  Personally birth control has been a blessing.  I am now waiting for my eggs to die so I can frig like a rabbit and enjoy the heck out of it.

    I don't hold babies under 8 months.  I love children and all children.  I think they are wonderful little people if they are well behaved, but if not, I could spit at them.

    I totally agree with REV - don't let anyone pressure you in to having a child.  If you make it past 35 without a child, the likelihood is that you won't have one.

    image LIFE ~~~'34-'08 My Mom is just one prayer away!~~~ My rings were stolen, but the memories won't die!
  • i am 30 and i knew from the time i was a kid that i never wanted a child of my own, i don't like babies one bit at all, i don't really like kids in general either.  i like my niece and nephew in small allotments of time. 

    i wouldn't worry about it right now,  you have lots of time to figure out what you really do want.  but wait until you are sure it is what YOU want, not what everyone else does, because it's a life long responsibility. 

  • Don't over think this. Most people aren't all gaga over babies. Babies, especially newborns, have very little appeal; and it does take a while to 'attach' to them. All that crap about 'instant bonding' and 'just looking in their eyes' and 'loving them from the minute they're conceived'? It's a load of crap.

    Dh and I wanted kids, in a cerebral way. I knew I didn't want to be childless; so we had kids. I would, REALLY, forget I was pregnant; I didn't buy a thing for either one of them till after they were born; I didn't have any thunderbolt of love when they were born and plopped in my arms; nothing. It was a couple of months before they developed little personalities; started smiling etc; and as that came along, I gradually began to like them. Mainly it was just very stressful to have them around. By the time they were 6 months old, I loved them to pieces; they're teenagers now, I'm crazy about them, we'd do anything for them (and do).  I'm a great mom, according to them, my dh, and most people who know me; and the feelings I'm describing to you are ones that most of my friends report to me re: their pregnancies and kids.

    And I'm not a big fan of other people's babies, either. I like kids in general, and notice them and have soft feelings in my heart for them in general; but I don't want to hold my friends' babies, or babysit, or mess much with my little relatives. Kids are hard; and without any real close connection, they are a PITA more than anything else.

    Have a baby if you want one; you'll love it, I promise; and the fact that you don't particularly care for other children will be meaningless.


  • I'm also 28. I have no urge to have children but I never thought it was a problem! Babies don't make me uncomfortable but I generally don't oooh and ahhhh at them. Why do you think not wanting to have children automatically means there's something wrong with you?
  • Nothing is wrong with you, and don't let anyone tell you differently. Babies aren't for everyone. Some day you may want a child, but maybe not--and that's OK!
  • Thanks for your input everyone. It just didn't make sense to me how I could feel so motherly and loving toward little kids, but feel repelled by babies. We do want kids, it just seems wrong to go into it knowing I'll dread the first two years of their lives. It's not something I'd want to openly admit. That's what made me wonder if this was a common thing. Your comments helped.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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