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Step Mom Issues Just Needing to Vent

Little backstory my mom and my dad's side of the family DO NOT get along. Whenever I say anything I have to be careful to not step on my dad's family's toes otherwise I'm the devil and my mom has brainwashed me yadda yadda yadda. When I was 14 or so I lived with my dad and step mom for a year. It was a traumatic experience to say the least.

I have a severe form of Adenomyosis (simmilar to Endometriosis). I continue to get daily pm's from my friends and family about the condition how I found out, etc as word gets around. I chose to do a blog on myspace and facebook about it, giving a long backstory that reached into my early teenage years when I started my menses. This backstory included an anecdote from when I lived with my father, and the kindness of my friends at school in providing me with pads because I had acess to none.

 This simple comment about not having acess to pads while I lived with my father (only mentioned where I lived, not who I lived with, though) set of a shiit storm from my stepmother. I get a call from her today, I didn't answer as I was asleep. She left a long winded message about how I'm lying that I always had access to the things I needed when I was living with them blah blah blah. She's called like 3 times today!  Dude, I just posted about how much stress I was under needing a hysterectomy and that I needed thoughts and prayers because I'm pregnant and in pain from a severe disease and this biitch chooses to harass me about pads from 10 years ago? WTF? I don't know whether to call back and release my rage on her for being a dumbasss or just ignore it all together.

And for the record, no I didn't have access to pads while I was living with them. I was told to use toilet paper because that's what my stepmom used! If anyone knows anything about symptomes of Adeno, they'd know that when you're on your period it's heavy with large blood clots and severe pain. So yeah, I'm still a little ticked about my treatment by them but for the most part I've let it go.  Ugh, sorry jus needed to vent.

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Re: Step Mom Issues Just Needing to Vent

  • If you're going to blog about your menstrual cycle, and put it out that when you lived in a certain place at a certain time you didn't have sanitary supplies, then you have to expect that people who lived with you at the time will want to defend themselves from such accusations. You chose to point out that you did not have pads ten years ago,  she chooses to say you did too. I'd answer her call, and talk to her; you've made public something that you claim she did to you. You're an adult; you can speak to her about it in an adult fashion, I am sure, regardless of how unpleasant she might be about it.  

    I had adenomyosis up until my hysterectomy a few weeks ago; I don't envy your misery with it, and I don't envy you having had such an unpleasant time as a young girl with your periods and your dad and stepmom. I went through something similar myself, after my mother died, and my father would not buy us sanitary supplies; it was mortifying, and I will never forget it. Posting as you did, however, on a blog, was kind of passive aggressive, and you don't have to do that. 

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • image Sue_sue:

    If you're going to blog about your menstrual cycle, and put it out that when you lived in a certain place at a certain time you didn't have sanitary supplies, then you have to expect that people who lived with you at the time will want to defend themselves from such accusations. You chose to point out that you did not have pads ten years ago,  she chooses to say you did too. I'd answer her call, and talk to her; you've made public something that you claim she did to you. You're an adult; you can speak to her about it in an adult fashion, I am sure, regardless of how unpleasant she might be about it.  

    I had adenomyosis up until my hysterectomy a few weeks ago; I don't envy your misery with it, and I don't envy you having had such an unpleasant time as a young girl with your periods and your dad and stepmom. I went through something similar myself, after my mother died, and my father would not buy us sanitary supplies; it was mortifying, and I will never forget it. Posting as you did, however, on a blog, was kind of passive aggressive, and you don't have to do that. 

     

    You're right I should talk to her. I honestly didn't mean to come off as passive agressive in the blog, only trying to illustrate the issues I've had since I was very young. I guess I just don't understand why she'd burn up my phone telling me I'm lying when I did nothing of the sort. She was there, she knew. I guess I should have expected it, though.

     

    How are you feeling now after your hysterectomy? Was the recovery easier than the pain you've had with the Adeno?  

    Mimi to May Babies: William Gabriel Martin '07, Morgan Ana Terese '10
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  • People generally don't object when you lie about them; it's when you tell the truth that they get REALLY upset, lol. You exposed something unpleasant about her, and she's ticked.  Of course she's going to deny it to you, and try to make you say that's not what happened, etc. 

    As far as the adeno? OMG. I feel like I had an infected tooth pulled. It's been nearly 4 weeks; and I don't remember when I felt so well.  The dr did not realize how large my uterus was from the ultrasound; it appeared slightly enlarged, but when she went to remove it, it was about the size of two grapefruits. My period should have been last week; and it was heaven to NOT have it.  No flooding, no cramping, no nothing. They left my ovaries and cervix, so I still have normal hormonal function, whihc is great.  I had very painful poops (sorry if tmi) and that is completely gone as well. 

    I hope you're not too  miserable; this is absolutely no fun at all. How did you get a diagnosis? I was only diagnosed after the hysterectomy.  

     

     

     

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • That's so true about getting ticked over the truth. Bad thing is that's not even the worst "truth" I could have told about them dealing w/ me and my issues on my period.

     Awesome that you feel better! I'm really looking forward to some normalcy some day in the future. I had a laproscopic procedure done in August to check out what was going on in there after I collapsed in pain during one of my jogs.  It was determined that I had several ovarian cysts as well an enlarged uterus. My doc did a biopsy of the uterine wall and found endometrial tissue where it shouldn't  have been. As far as being miserable I'm dealing with it. The pain is almost constant now, though. It used to only be during my menses. I know 6ish months isn't *that* long to wait but it seems like forever away right now.

    Mimi to May Babies: William Gabriel Martin '07, Morgan Ana Terese '10
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  • I'm so sorry for all your pain!  Before I got on BCP, I would have very heavy periods with a lot of bad cramping.  A couple of times it got so bad that I would start to tunnel vision if I tried to walk.

    As far as your Step-mom goes, perhaps she didn't realize how bad it was.  I've talked to other women and they always thought that women were being wimpy when they complained about cramps.  They never realized that it could get so bad that you could pass out from pain or that periods could be heavy and last for more than 3-5 days.

    Perhaps if you had insisted on pads, you would have gotten them.  But, being 14, probably not comfortable talking a lot about your period and probably not comfortable talking to your step-mom about this, you never pushed the issue.

    A better wording might be that you didn't know you had access to pads.  I hope that helps to give you a different approach when you talk to her!  Good luck and hang in there!

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  • image blackfire5th:

    I'm so sorry for all your pain!  Before I got on BCP, I would have very heavy periods with a lot of bad cramping.  A couple of times it got so bad that I would start to tunnel vision if I tried to walk.

    As far as your Step-mom goes, perhaps she didn't realize how bad it was.  I've talked to other women and they always thought that women were being wimpy when they complained about cramps.  They never realized that it could get so bad that you could pass out from pain or that periods could be heavy and last for more than 3-5 days.

    Perhaps if you had insisted on pads, you would have gotten them.  But, being 14, probably not comfortable talking a lot about your period and probably not comfortable talking to your step-mom about this, you never pushed the issue.

    A better wording might be that you didn't know you had access to pads.  I hope that helps to give you a different approach when you talk to her!  Good luck and hang in there!

     

    I totally understand about the tunnel vision! When I talk to her next I'll try to give her the benifit of the doubt even though I am 100% sure I would not have been provided pads. They didn't even take me to the doctor to get  a cast when I broke my arm! But I'll give her that she was uninformed of my condition, I didn't speak up, etc when I talk to her.

    You are correct when you say some women don't understand about severe cramping, and bleeding issues. I wish there was more education about it. What's normal and when to see a gyno. I was always under the impression my problems were normal until about July of this year when I knew something was very, very wrong. Which is one fo the reasons I blogged in the first place about it and have been so open, partly educational partly therapeutic for myself

    Mimi to May Babies: William Gabriel Martin '07, Morgan Ana Terese '10
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  • I had huge, painful periods as a  teen; and my stepmom just did not believe I 'needed' that many pads and tampons, since my sister didn't.  I can't tell how many times I stained things, how miserable it was. 

    Do you have to wait 6 months for a hysterectomy? I'm sorry; I know all too well how miserable it is to bleed all the time, everything aches, the cramps are dazzling. I am so happy to be free of this.  The surgery was very long, and I lost a lot of blood, but am so happy to be free of this. 

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • image Sue_sue:

    I had huge, painful periods as a  teen; and my stepmom just did not believe I 'needed' that many pads and tampons, since my sister didn't.  I can't tell how many times I stained things, how miserable it was. 

    Do you have to wait 6 months for a hysterectomy? I'm sorry; I know all too well how miserable it is to bleed all the time, everything aches, the cramps are dazzling. I am so happy to be free of this.  The surgery was very long, and I lost a lot of blood, but am so happy to be free of this. 

     

    Yep that was my step mom's reasoning. I didn't need pads because she didn't. Gross woman used toilet paper. But I got really good at making toilet paper tampons *shudder*. I frequently stained things as well, and still do if I'm not careful. When I lived with my mom again she was more sympathetic as she knows I have a high pain threshold and wouldn't be complaining unless it was something serious. She'd bring me clothes to school, extra pads, whatever. Never questioned it.

     Right after I got the diagnosis of Adenomyosis and the suggestion for a hysterectomy (in September) I found out I was pregnant. H and I have chosen to try to carry the child to term (this is my 6th pregnancy, I have one living child). I'm about 3 months into it, past the probable miscarriage stage. Praying to make it until the end of May/ beginning of June. I'm going to talk to my doctor on Tuesday about having a hysterectomy the same time as I have my c-section (hospital won't allow me to give birth vaginally as I had an emergency c-section with my first child). I hope he'll do it. I know there's a ton of risks involved with two procedures at the same time but this pain is just horrid. It's only gotten worse since the diagnosis. I know waiting this pregnancy out will be worth it in the end, though.  

    Mimi to May Babies: William Gabriel Martin '07, Morgan Ana Terese '10
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  • I'll be praying for you. I know how hard it is when a parent is a jerk. I was diagnosed with a condition where I cannot have children. I was 17. I was severely depressed and one time, my mother, who was not understanding, told me "well, if you want to kill yourself, then DO IT already. stop just talking about it".

    Nice support, MOM. Of course now, her story is different. :::rolls eyes:::

  • I'm so sorry that you have this condition.  All of the women in my family have had endometriosis, fibroids, cysts, you name it.  A hysterectomy around age 40 is par for the course in my family.  So when a young girl is in pain with her period it's taken very seriously.

    I'm also sorry that your Step-mother treated you this way.  I imagine your menses were traumatizing when you were younger and she feels the need to defend herself after abusing you that way.  I would not change a thing in your blog, you told the truth, she can deal with it.

    I would speak to her, tell her you know how you were treated, she knows how you were treated, and to STFU because you don't need more mistreatment from her now.

  • image mrstarawalsh:

    They didn't even take me to the doctor to get  a cast when I broke my arm!

    That's abusive and neglectful.

    Given that your F and SM acted this way, I don't think you can expect them to react normally to most things.

    Hope is not a strategy.
  • Best of luck with your pregnancy and your medical condition, I'm sorry you didn't get the support you could have used from your step mom.
  • I find it so interesting that su_sue said people object the loudest when it is the truth.  I've always wondered, and thought while reading your post ...how can you deny this?  did you forget?  and why the outrage?

    So yeah, you hit a very sensitive nerve.  To my mind, tough.  It happened, you are sharing as a point of education and therapy.  You are allowd to share your history, as you remember it without interference.

    I would point out the irony in her disregarding your needs now, to trample all over on your rest and peace of mind to get her need of denying this met.

    Something like, "You know Jane, I don't think you really understand how much pain and discomfort I am in right now.  Because if you did, you would never call me over and over and make this an issue.  I don't think you understood what I needed back then.  And you don't understand what you are doing to me right now."

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • Livin, you are so right. Nice tie in for the past and present. 

     

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • Ditto livinitup! 

    And if your dad's family gives you are hard time about being "brainwashed" I'd tell them, "you know, I've been able to form my own opionions for years."

  • I love Livinitup's reply. Ugh, your stepmother sounds terrible.

    I think most people don't understand what other people are going through health-wise, in general. Unless you have that particular problem, it's seems as if it's hard to understand and easy to brush off.

  • You can also make your blog private and block her from it.  It's not as if she reads the blog and then is sensitive to your needs when that happens (ie the phone calls).
  • Ditto Suebear.  I mean really. And if she complains that she can no longer see your blog, tell her you were worried she might get upset again,and felt you should spare her that. 

     

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • Thanks for all the responses. She was burning up my phone yet again today. She knows I sleep during the day as I work third shift, thank goodness I had turned it off. I'll call her tomorow, my day off, when I'm more rested.

     

    JK, I'm sorry you had the same sort of issues with your mom. Some people can be so insensitive!

     

    Zestoflime: you're right it is abuse and neglectful. At the time CPS had placed us with our dad b/c they had an open case on our whole family and they weren't really taking anything we said at face value. It's a long long story.

     

    Livin:You're spot on. She and my dad did ignore our needs then and is doing the same thing now. I actually work with abused children now and I've noticed it's a pattern that when abuse or neglect is going on the abuser will deny it even to the grave even in private conversations with the abusee later.

     

    Sue sue, that's a good idea I think I might do that. But I have a feeling it will cause even more tension. If it wasn't for me wanting to keep the peace with my dad's entire family I'd just cut her and my dad off completely.  

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  • You know, sometimes its okay to just tell people to fuckoff. These are not good people. You don't need them in your life. Is the keeping the peace really worth this price?
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  • I agree with susiederkins.  Why are you still kowtowing to your abusers?
    image
  • image susiederkins:
    You know, sometimes its okay to just tell people to fuckoff. These are not good people. You don't need them in your life. Is the keeping the peace really worth this price?
    That was the conclusion I came to during our conversation this morning. After she screamed in my ear for ten miniutes about how I always pull "this crap" I told her that if she couldn't stop taking any little thing as a personal attack that I could no longer talk to her anymore. She said "Well you can't talk to your father either then". I told her that was fine because if my dad was going to cater to her temper tantrums over his daughter in need that I didn't want to talk to him either. I know it's going to cause a shiit storm with the whole family. I can only be greatful that I don't live near any of them and don't have to deal with the falling out directly.
    Mimi to May Babies: William Gabriel Martin '07, Morgan Ana Terese '10
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  • image mrstarawalsh:
    image susiederkins:
    You know, sometimes its okay to just tell people to fuckoff. These are not good people. You don't need them in your life. Is the keeping the peace really worth this price?
    That was the conclusion I came to during our conversation this morning. After she screamed in my ear for ten miniutes about how I always pull "this crap" I told her that if she couldn't stop taking any little thing as a personal attack that I could no longer talk to her anymore. She said "Well you can't talk to your father either then". I told her that was fine because if my dad was going to cater to her temper tantrums over his daughter in need that I didn't want to talk to him either. I know it's going to cause a shiit storm with the whole family. I can only be greatful that I don't live near any of them and don't have to deal with the falling out directly.

    And that's okay. They can be mad at you. You have every right to live a happy life. If people won't support you in that effort, they aren't worth spending time with. Focus on you, to hell with the rest of them. You don't owe them anything.

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  • image mrstarawalsh:
    image susiederkins:
    You know, sometimes its okay to just tell people to fuckoff. These are not good people. You don't need them in your life. Is the keeping the peace really worth this price?
    That was the conclusion I came to during our conversation this morning. After she screamed in my ear for ten miniutes about how I always pull "this crap" I told her that if she couldn't stop taking any little thing as a personal attack that I could no longer talk to her anymore. She said "Well you can't talk to your father either then". I told her that was fine because if my dad was going to cater to her temper tantrums over his daughter in need that I didn't want to talk to him either. I know it's going to cause a shiit storm with the whole family. I can only be greatful that I don't live near any of them and don't have to deal with the falling out directly.

    Good for you.   I think you should just cut ties with these people.   Life is too short to have to deal with this crap.   Congrats on your pregnancy and I wish you the best of luck!!   

  •  She tells him who he can/can't talk to? Does he ever try to talk to you w/o her present?

    Yeah, you don't need her hysterics on top of everything else. Hopefully he will try to make some contact outside of her influence.

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