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Sister-in-law problems... sigh...

2

Re: Sister-in-law problems... sigh...

  • Thank you, your response is one of the few kind responses here.  Seems people like to rip others a new one :-(

    He did tell her that she needs to apologize to me and not him, and she said no everythings fine... sigh...

    We're going to her house b/c she just bought it and moved in and wants to throw a Thanksgiving dinner.  I am dreading it b/c I don't want anymore drama, but I also don't care to be blatantly and rudely ignored by her more than necessary.  I told Jay that if we are going to spend the night down there, that we stay at his folk's house, that I am not comfortable staying with her in her house.  She's been nothing but horrid towards me since we got engaged. 

    I involved her so much because she asked to be involved.  When things got bad and Jay confronted her, she apologized to him and promised she'd be better, but refuse to apologize to me.  Things would be better after for a little bit, but then get worse again.  I just can't handle her roller coaster.

    Avoiding her completely is what I needed after the wedding, she was so rude towards me for a year and a half and mean that I just had to have a break from her drama.  But that break is over now and I need to be able to be in the same room with her without wanting to run away screaming :-)

    I haven't put MIL in the middle, that's husbands doing because she is the only one that SIL will listen to and take advice from.

    What's the worst is that through all this I end up looking like the bad guy (as evidence by all the not-so-nice comments racked up before, and I'm suspecting after yours) when all I tried to do was include her and try to help her relationship with my husband.  I would do/say something with nothing but good intentions then find out a week later that I was apparently very rude and mean (which I asked my friend who was almost always there with me at the various BM shopping trips if I was and she said no.  I'd trust her to tell me the truth as she is very to the point and calls people on their crap).  When it was her who was ignoring me and being rude to me...

     

  • Wow, people really are mean/judgemental here! 
  • Wow!  I really don't know what else to say about what you posted at me.  I came looking for advice and (in a long I know, I apologized about it) a backstory as to why I was looking for advice and I am judged, found guilty and hung for my crimes.

    It's hard to get over something when your only encounters with said person have been them screwing you over and being rude to you.  Maybe I should have just left it at that as there is no real way for me to 'explain' how she said something or describe the flailing arms when she said something, or how she stormed out of a building because of something.

    Sounds like you (and some others) need to grow a heart and stop reading what they want to hear and instead listen to what the person is asking.

  • image SchuylerJane:
    Wow, people really are mean/judgemental here! 

    Or people are telling you the truth that you don't want to hear. Beebee. 

    I love how when people aren't told what they want to hear, they say "but you aren't LISTENING to me!" or "you are all so mean!".

     Then go to another board. Beebee.

  • Are you trying to reply to people?? I have NO idea what all your posts mean. If you want to address someone's post, hit quote in their post and then write your reply. Frankly, you're coming off as crazy now.
  • Nice nastiness in there, thanks.  I was legitimately hurt by her actions towards me.  No, I did not express myself the best in my post here, and I am regretting that (repeatedly).  it was a long story and I should have just said the gist of it - she hurt me repeatedly by her actions and words, how do I handle it.  Thanks, I have learned that lesson to not try to tell a story so long-windedly as things can be misunderstood or left out in the telling.  But to condemn somebody is just not nice, especially when all they need is some advice as to how to handle something.  yes, in some respects I was a drama queen, but honestly, can anybody say they have never once in their life been a drama queen?  Time for some compassion ladies.  I have learned my lesson.  But I will correct you on one thing, I am not like her, I am not emotionally-stunted/ignorant. 
  • lol - Thanks!  That will be my mantra "She's crazy, expect her to be and proceed accordingly"  Thanks also for the only smile I've gotten from this, I'm not sure if I'll post a new topic this forum or not, but thank you.
  • image shopgirl_07:
    Are you trying to reply to people?? I have NO idea what all your posts mean. If you want to address someone's post, hit quote in their post and then write your reply. Frankly, you're coming off as crazy now.

     Thanks, didn't know how to do it as this is the first time I've used these boards, maybe the last.  Not into name calling.  I admit yes, I was a bit of a drama queen, but that doesn't make me like her, just because we have that in common does not make two things the same!

  • image SchuylerJane:
    lol - Thanks!  That will be my mantra "She's crazy, expect her to be and proceed accordingly"  Thanks also for the only smile I've gotten from this, I'm not sure if I'll post a new topic this forum or not, but thank you.

    Strange, that's the SAME mantra I've been using for you! Small world...

  • Sigh... sorry ladies.  I thought hitting the 'reply' button was the correct way to use this, but it wasn't.  Should've hit 'quote', learned my lesson, promise I'm not crazy :-) and sorry for the confusion.  This is my first time posting here
  • image jkmcnamara:

    image SchuylerJane:
    lol - Thanks!  That will be my mantra "She's crazy, expect her to be and proceed accordingly"  Thanks also for the only smile I've gotten from this, I'm not sure if I'll post a new topic this forum or not, but thank you.

    Strange, that's the SAME mantra I've been using for you! Small world...

    Why are you being so nasty to me?  I realize that I didn't write the original post very eloquently and that's my mistake, I accept that.  I've accepted that I was a drama queen at times as well as her.  I also apologized for using the boards wrong and hitting reply instead of quote, I simply didn't know any better and have changed how I'm responding now.  Why the continued nastiness on your part?  What did I say/do to you to piss you off so?

  • image SchuylerJane:
    lol - Thanks!  That will be my mantra "She's crazy, expect her to be and proceed accordingly"  Thanks also for the only smile I've gotten from this, I'm not sure if I'll post a new topic this forum or not, but thank you.

    OK, glad I could make you smile AND you figured out how to quote :)

  • image SchuylerJane:
    image jkmcnamara:

    image SchuylerJane:
    lol - Thanks!  That will be my mantra "She's crazy, expect her to be and proceed accordingly"  Thanks also for the only smile I've gotten from this, I'm not sure if I'll post a new topic this forum or not, but thank you.

    Strange, that's the SAME mantra I've been using for you! Small world...

    Why are you being so nasty to me?  I realize that I didn't write the original post very eloquently and that's my mistake, I accept that.  I've accepted that I was a drama queen at times as well as her.  I also apologized for using the boards wrong and hitting reply instead of quote, I simply didn't know any better and have changed how I'm responding now.  Why the continued nastiness on your part?  What did I say/do to you to piss you off so?

    Because you are cracking me up....you are mad about such trivial things and when you didn't get the replies you wanted ("aww, sweetie, your SIL is a bich! Poor thing!!") you pulled the whiny route--"but you aren't LISTENING to me!!". And then tried to defend yourself with "i didn't write it correctly, that's not what I meant". 

    You come across as an idiot. I love it. BTW, I didn't see the rule that I have to be nice to every dweeb I encounter on The Nest.

  • image SchuylerJane:

    image shopgirl_07:
    Are you trying to reply to people?? I have NO idea what all your posts mean. If you want to address someone's post, hit quote in their post and then write your reply. Frankly, you're coming off as crazy now.

     Thanks, didn't know how to do it as this is the first time I've used these boards, maybe the last.  Not into name calling.  I admit yes, I was a bit of a drama queen, but that doesn't make me like her, just because we have that in common does not make two things the same!

    Again - you control how much of a drama queen you are being. So, start with working on that.

    Hope is not a strategy.
  • That was super effing long.

    My advice...don't go to her house if you don't like her.  So what if your DH is going, make up an excuse - be sick, have a work emergency, etc.  If you don't like her and she causes you that much stress, don't go.

    Now that that's out of the way, I just have to let you know that all this wedding crapola that you blithered on about is ridiculous.  So you didn't get the pretty princess day that you thought you would....or rather you did get the pretty princess day, but she made things more difficult.  The wedding is over.  I think I need to repeat that...THE WEDDING IS OVER.  Grow up and get over it FFS.

    If you don't like her, then avoid her.  You say that you, DH and her mom have talked to her in the past and it didn't do any good so apparently she isn't going to change.  So, she's either going to continue being a spoiled brat, or is never going to cowtow to what you want (I still haven't figured out which it is) either way she is who she is and you can't change her.

    Did I read that right?  You wanted your FSIL to go to counseling with you?  

  • image SchuylerJane:

    Not the fact that she bought the wrong colored shoes but HOW she behaved after she bought the shoes.  Also, I wasn't 'morphing' anybody into something they didn't want to be.  They signed on to be BM's and everybody knows that in most cases that means wearing a dress the bride picks out!  She's the one spending the money on the wedding, not the BM's, it's HER wedding after all.  If I was asked to wear a burlap sack for a wedding I'd ask "really???" and if she said yes, I'd do whatever I could to suck it up and smile. 

    I'm trying SO hard to not give a crap, but it's so difficult sometimes.

    So she didn't kiss your ass and bow down before you on your wedding day? What a ***, it was your SPECIAL DAY!!!

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  • image jkmcnamara:
    image SchuylerJane:
    image jkmcnamara:

    image SchuylerJane:
    lol - Thanks!  That will be my mantra "She's crazy, expect her to be and proceed accordingly"  Thanks also for the only smile I've gotten from this, I'm not sure if I'll post a new topic this forum or not, but thank you.

    Strange, that's the SAME mantra I've been using for you! Small world...

    Why are you being so nasty to me?  I realize that I didn't write the original post very eloquently and that's my mistake, I accept that.  I've accepted that I was a drama queen at times as well as her.  I also apologized for using the boards wrong and hitting reply instead of quote, I simply didn't know any better and have changed how I'm responding now.  Why the continued nastiness on your part?  What did I say/do to you to piss you off so?

    Because you are cracking me up....you are mad about such trivial things and when you didn't get the replies you wanted ("aww, sweetie, your SIL is a bich! Poor thing!!") you pulled the whiny route--"but you aren't LISTENING to me!!". And then tried to defend yourself with "i didn't write it correctly, that's not what I meant". 

    You come across as an idiot. I love it. BTW, I didn't see the rule that I have to be nice to every dweeb I encounter on The Nest.

     I'm truly sorry that I offended you.  My only excuse is too much cold meds.  Yes, I got bent out of shape, and I'm sorry. I really am.  But if we can't exchange civilly at least I have made you laugh.  Enjoy your weekend.

  • image SchuylerJane:
    Nice nastiness in there, thanks.  I was legitimately hurt by her actions towards me.  No, I did not express myself the best in my post here, and I am regretting that (repeatedly).  it was a long story and I should have just said the gist of it - she hurt me repeatedly by her actions and words, how do I handle it.  Thanks, I have learned that lesson to not try to tell a story so long-windedly as things can be misunderstood or left out in the telling.  But to condemn somebody is just not nice, especially when all they need is some advice as to how to handle something.  yes, in some respects I was a drama queen, but honestly, can anybody say they have never once in their life been a drama queen?  Time for some compassion ladies.  I have learned my lesson.  But I will correct you on one thing, I am not like her, I am not emotionally-stunted/ignorant. 

    Ok, first of all, no one is required to be nice on here.  Accept that and move on.

    Secondly, we've told you how to handle it...don't seek out the drama.  If you don't want to take our advice, then don't.  You're the one who has to deal with her, not us.  So either a) skip the drama and don't engage her or b) keep going the way you're going and see where that gets you. 

    If you want vindication for behaving like a child, you're in the wrong place. 

  • I really think this post has nothing to do with Thanksgiving dinner. Youre holding a grudge from your wedding. Get over it, move on.
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  • xactly what she did, but how she did it, completely two faced to us.  Yeah, I shouldn't care, but how can I not?

    If you, as an adult in your life, cant' figure out how to get over things, get yourself into some intensive therapy STAT.  I know, you don't like that advice and we're all "horrible" and "mean" and "nasty" for saying that.  But really?  your options are to get over it or NOT get over it...what else is there to say?

    she called my husband....If she could have gotten away with not having any contact with me at all she would have, and she tried

    So?

    I LIKE most of my IL's...but there's still, even after years of knowing them, a bit of awkwardness and cultural crashes on occasion.  I'd much rather use my husband as the go-between.  WHen I need MIL's christmas list or SIL's husband to know what we're doing for Thanksgiving, I go through the Mr.  It would be nice, I'm sure, if I didn't.  But I don't think not wanting to directly talk to someone who she barely knows is a problem.  

    (and...when things got bad, you had your FI confront her--you didn't do it yourself.  So you followed the 'we'll use the man as the go-between' protocol--you can't use it and grouse about it at the same time; that's just silly)

    I haven't put MIL in the middle, that's husbands doing because she is the only one that SIL will listen to and take advice from.

     See above.  You BOTH chose to have DH as go-between.  And you continued to choose that after knowing that put MIL in the middle.  So, yeah, some of the blame for that lands right back on you.

     

    Look, you've made it really clear you don't like this advice but, it still remains good advice.  You can ONLY control YOUR behavior.  You can't control other people's behavior.  So...she was somewhat obnoxious.  Your options are to get over it or NOT get over it.  I recommend choosing to get over it.  

    (and, really?  these are not 'unkind' responses.  They're honest.  They're blunt.  But they're not 'ripping' you a new one.  You'll know if that happens.  These have been a bit pointed, but they are still GOOD advice--and when you ask for opinions?  you get them.  Really, griping about the opinions irritates me--if you didn't WANT opinions don't ask.)

    You don't have to be BFFs with her.  Hell, you don't even have to LIKE her.  You just have to be polite.  That's all.

    As far as 'really' getting over it, that's purely on you.  You can continue to worry at this, to let it poison your mind and soul or you can choose not to.  Your choice.

    And that doesn't mean you open your heart to her to become BFF's...you know that her past behavior is indicative of future behavior.   So you know she eats CrazyCakes for lunch and that she'll suck you into a maelstrom of drama if you let her--so keep that in mind.  DOn't let her and work harder than normal to keep your own drama in check when you have to deal with her.  Keep your distance and don't ask her to be involved in these things in your life (nope, she's not going to be godmother of your child)

  • image SchuylerJane:
    I was a drama queen, but honestly, can anybody say they have never once in their life been a drama queen?  Time for some compassion ladies.  I have learned my lesson.  But I will correct you on one thing, I am not like her, I am not emotionally-stunted/ignorant. 

    Yes, I have been a drama queen before.  But you know what?  I realized that I was a drama queen, I realized the bad things I did (all the things I did wrong), appologized, and moved on with my life, and matured.

    Until you recognize all the wrong things that you did (which was what all the pp were pointing out) you can't move on or grow up.

    No one was being "nasty."  They were just pointing out the things that you did wrong and you are just not ready to admit that you did those things. 

    Also, if you had been vague, you would have been asked for details, so that wouldn't have gotten you any farther.  Your story has aslo changed some when you have "tried to clear things up."  The best example is when you said that you did not put your MIL in the middle at all, but state in the OP that you demanded your DH call his mom and tell her what is going on, copied her the e-mail, and asked DH to have his mom deal with her on the wedding day.

    Like I said, until you are able to sit down and realize that you did a lot of things wrong as well, you won't be able to move on.

    My Grandparents on their wedding day.
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    bio
    Repeat this to your self: My Wedding Party is made of my family and friends and I should treat them as such.
  • image ZestofLime:
    I'm sure you'll have a long winded update post about how she gave you a mean look or didn't cut your pie in the right shape, etc. At this point, you are choosing to feed the drama.

    Jesus Christ, did you ever nail it.

    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • Drama queens, the both of you. Get the hell over it. Seriously, it's been like 5 months. You're going to have to deal with this woman for the rest of your life if you stay married to her brother. So just get over it and quit acting petty over something that was really not that important to begin with.
    Mimi to May Babies: William Gabriel Martin '07, Morgan Ana Terese '10
    [IMG]http://i44.tinypic.com/1z5lzrs.jpg[/IMG]
    [IMG]http://sedf.lilyslim.com/Npc2m8.png?4FFbS3Lm[/IMG]
  • image Blackwidow13:
    image mrstarawalsh:
    Drama queens, the both of you. Get the hell over it. Seriously, it's been like 5 months. You're going to have to deal with this woman for the rest of your life if you stay married to her brother. So just get over it and quit acting petty over something that was really not that important to begin with.
    Is that your husband or dad in that picture? Because if it's your husband he looks like that kids grandpa.  He's old.

    Wow, because that's not rude and completely unnecessary.

    My Grandparents on their wedding day.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    bio
    Repeat this to your self: My Wedding Party is made of my family and friends and I should treat them as such.
  • image Blackwidow13:
    image mrstarawalsh:
    Drama queens, the both of you. Get the hell over it. Seriously, it's been like 5 months. You're going to have to deal with this woman for the rest of your life if you stay married to her brother. So just get over it and quit acting petty over something that was really not that important to begin with.
    Is that your husband or dad in that picture? Because if it's your husband he looks like that kids grandpa.? He's old.

    Are you kidding me? ??

  • image Blackwidow13:
    image mrstarawalsh:
    Drama queens, the both of you. Get the hell over it. Seriously, it's been like 5 months. You're going to have to deal with this woman for the rest of your life if you stay married to her brother. So just get over it and quit acting petty over something that was really not that important to begin with.
    Is that your husband or dad in that picture? Because if it's your husband he looks like that kids grandpa.  He's old.
    And this question is relevent because....?
    Mimi to May Babies: William Gabriel Martin '07, Morgan Ana Terese '10
    [IMG]http://i44.tinypic.com/1z5lzrs.jpg[/IMG]
    [IMG]http://sedf.lilyslim.com/Npc2m8.png?4FFbS3Lm[/IMG]
  • Some people can't afford to have weddings.  Be thankful you were lucky enough to and move on from this pettiness and enjoy your first year of marriage grudge free.

    You can't take back what happened so unless you want this to tear you up forever, you need to just let go of what happened.  'go to her house and be the bigger person.  Ever heard the saying "kill them with kindness"?

    Trust me, I had drama at my wedding that is 100xs worse than yours and we laughed about it the next day.  We learned to not let it ruin our day and it never did.  It just made the drama starter look like theass 

     


    image

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  • image Blackwidow13:
    image mrstarawalsh:
    image Blackwidow13:
    image mrstarawalsh:
    Drama queens, the both of you. Get the hell over it. Seriously, it's been like 5 months. You're going to have to deal with this woman for the rest of your life if you stay married to her brother. So just get over it and quit acting petty over something that was really not that important to begin with.
    Is that your husband or dad in that picture? Because if it's your husband he looks like that kids grandpa.  He's old.
    And this question is relevent because....?
    I want to know.  Is that a problem?  Or do you not want to answer my question?
    Again, your question is irrelevent. It's not that I don't want to answer your question, it's that if you simply clicked on the link to my profile you'd have your answer. Do you not think I already know that man looks like my son's grandfather? Do you think pointing such a fact out is the first time it's been brought to my attention? Or do you always speak before thinking?
    Mimi to May Babies: William Gabriel Martin '07, Morgan Ana Terese '10
    [IMG]http://i44.tinypic.com/1z5lzrs.jpg[/IMG]
    [IMG]http://sedf.lilyslim.com/Npc2m8.png?4FFbS3Lm[/IMG]
  • You come off as a bit of a drama queen yourself.  And from your extremely defensive responses to your obviously drama-ridden post it's obvious that the problem is not just your SIL.  Sorry.
  • image Blackwidow13:
    image blackfire5th:

    image Blackwidow13:
    image mrstarawalsh:
    Drama queens, the both of you. Get the hell over it. Seriously, it's been like 5 months. You're going to have to deal with this woman for the rest of your life if you stay married to her brother. So just get over it and quit acting petty over something that was really not that important to begin with.
    Is that your husband or dad in that picture? Because if it's your husband he looks like that kids grandpa.  He's old.

    Wow, because that's not rude and completely unnecessary.

    How is that rude?  I was just asking a question.  Since when is it rude to ask a question?

    Another poster who must change screen names to post something as twatful as this. Wow...you must be so proud. You showed her didnt you. Too bad you had to change names to do so. I wonder which beebee this could be?



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